Linda Stoll: love

Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Porch #91 * When Mother's Day Hurts

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

soulspace

I browsed through the over-stuffed racks, searching for a few Mother's Day cards that gently acknowledged that life and love are hard. I quickly shoved most of them back into their plastic nests. The messages were utterly inane or ridiculously unrealistic.

Finally, tucked way on the side I found several that said exactly what I longed to say. I paid for them and then went on my way, wondering why we can't be more honest about how we really feel about what's going on.

Yes, even and especially on Mother's Day.

Your Mother's Day may be filled with candy and flowers and bright shining children serenading you as they serve you a delightful breakfast in bed and cater to your every whim like you're the queen of the universe.

I hope this is true for you. I really do. God bless you. Please enjoy every minute.

Or you simply might not want to get out of bed at all. And wouldn't even think of darkening the door of the church because you just cannot imagine seeing all those happy faces (many of whom are living your reality, you just don't know it).

Death has visited your family. Or your dreams have gone up in smoke. Or perhaps an overwhelming combination of all kinds of losses come bubbling to the top on the holidays. The grief is so real and palpable that you don't quite know what to do with it all.

Sadness, hurt, regrets, disappointments, pain, frustration, and sorrow all crowd on in and whisper lies that masquerade as truth.

But God says that you are beloved. Valued. Priceless. Forgiven. Unlike us humans, He's not going to pass away. He won't leave you, betray you, or drop out of sight. He's not going to change like shifting shadows or give you an attitude or be disrespectful to you. His love is faithful and kind and will last 'til the end of time. And beyond.

Wherever you find yourself this weekend, overflowing with joy or laden with sorrow, I pray that you will have peace in your heart knowing that you've loved the best you could with what you had at the time. And that the Spirit will bring good memories to comfort you and a life-giving measure of hope for tomorrow. And the next day.

Do something kind for yourself, ok?

And if all is well, reach out to a sister who's struggling. You won't have far to look. Or maybe forward this to a griever who needs to know that she's not alone.
Linda

Mother's Day on the Porch
(2021)

A Thank You Note to Our Spiritual Mothers
(2020)

Reflections For An Uneasy Mother's Day
(2019)

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No One Has a Crystal Ball

'We will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.'

Ephesians 4:14-16

No one has a crystal ball.

I've been known to say that here and there along the way. And none of my audiences burst into great big rounds of applause.

Some of us humans think that those around us should just intuitively know what we feel, want, or need and automatically respond in kind. But more often than not, that's not reality. We get all hurt and frustrated, think the absolute worst of those closest to us, and our disappointment bursts into bouts of anger, accusations, and hurtful words that can never be retrieved.

Or we resort to a variety of passive aggressive tactics as we pout or dole out the silent treatment to an audience whose energy has already been drained by yet another manipulative performance.

Or we finally tuck it all inside, bury it deep, and morph into victims as we slowly sink into the mire of despair and depression.

And who has time for that.

'Cause this does nothing to build any kind of long-lasting trust or strengthen a relationship or truly invite anyone to come alongside us in a time of need.

A safe person doesn't have a crystal ball.

But they will invite you to speak truth to them ... with love, respect, and kindness. A safe person will want the best for you. They might ask you hard questions, but they'll be spoken in a Christ-like spirit. They won't condemn you, preach at you, or shame you. They will want to know you at a deeper level. They will want to love you well.

A safe person will invite you to get 'healthy and growing and full of love.'
Linda

Read more ...
I Sent This Note to My People This Week

I8 Marriage Pitfalls to Avoid Like the Plague

The Drama Queen

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This Is Helping Me Grieve Well

Oh, Mom would just love this!

Mom would be so excited!

Wouldn't this make Mom happy!

She'd get such a kick out of this!

It's been almost nine months since she entered heaven, yet Mom is still very much present.

Speaking her name and drawing her right into anything worth celebrating has kept her spirit alive and well in my heart.

It didn't start on purpose. But it's ended up being natural. And it's turned my mourning into gratitude.

These days, when people, places, or things she enjoyed pop up, I invite her right into the conversation. Delicious food. The ocean's majesty. House projects. Lovely flowers or beautiful music. Habitat for Humanity.

And anything that revolves around her family's antics, adventures, and accomplishments. Nothing that mattered to any of us was too insignificant for her focused attention and enthusiastic response.

Unbelievable!! she'd declare with a big smile.

She never drew attention to herself. Never complained. And found comfort and hope in her deeply personal relationship with Christ. It was always about Him ... and everyone else who crossed her path.

💘

Sure, there's still moments of intense sadness. I want to send her snapshots of the great-grandkids and fill her in on all the latest happenings. I feel my stomach jolt when we drive by the Quaker Meeting House Road exit or as I push the cart through the supermarket and spot the Belvita or Taster's Choice or Depends. A big hug from one of her friends makes me ache with longing. And some worship songs lead me into a puddle of grief that leaves me drained for the rest of the day.

Yet because His mercies are new every morning, the daily bounty of good and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy gifts of grace come surging in again, filling my heart with gratitude. I'm compelled by Mom's life of extraordinary faith to focus on living in ways that honor Christ and would bring her a quiet satisfaction.

Grieving well is enabling me to release the trauma of that awful, endless, final season of her life. The pain is fading slowly but surely into the background even as peace and joy are taking center stage right where they belong.

What's helped you in your grief journey? What's hindered it?
Linda

Lamentations
3:19-26, 31-33, 55-58

Philippians
4:4-9

Porch #78 * What's Your Love Language?

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Hey All,

Here we are with Valentine's Day looming over the horizon. Young or old, single or married, this is a day you'll dread, shrug off, or look forward to. No matter where you're coming from, I hope you'll sense a spirit of warmth, acceptance, and community here. And that maybe you'll find something that will speak to your heart, especially if it's worn or tattered or downright broken.

When it comes to building healthy relationships, Dr. Gary Chapman is the man, the creator of the five love languages. A well known Christian author and counselor, his work has impacted faith, psychology, and culture worldwide for decades.

Here we go.

Seldom do a husband and wife have

the same primary emotional love language.

We tend to speak our primary love language,

and we become confused when our spouse

does not understand what we are communicating.

We are expressing our love, but the message

does not come through because we are speaking

what, to them, is a foreign language.

Ignoring our partner's love language

is like ignoring the needs of a garden:

if we don't weed, water, or fertilize,

it will die a slow death.
Dr. Gary Chapman

click here for the app, quizzes, resources, events, podcasts
&
click here to check out a variety of books
(singles, teens, kids, men, couples, devotionals, Bibles,
alzheimers, apologies, conflicts)

video

Random thoughts ...

* Love languages aren't just for couples or grown ups. They're for any of us who do life in the company of others. This kind of emotional intelligence impacts how we parent and grandparent. There are lessons into how we more appropriately could do ministry and effectively relate to others in general.

* It's far too easy when a loved one shares their love language to say 'well, that's not who I am' and refuse to do the work it takes to learn to love that person in ways that are meaningful to them. That attitude is a cop out that tells them you don't see the relationship important enough for you to go there. This is a message you really don't want to send.

* It's not about how convenient or comfortable it is for you, it's about building up and encouraging the ones you love in ways that will be especially meaningful for them. And if we're Christ-followers, He gives us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). So we have no excuses.

* If our parents didn't understand or speak our love language, does it make us hungrier for that language later in life?

* Social media types, bloggers, online influencers - are we unknowingly searching for words of affirmation with our emphasis on likes and shares, followers and comments?

* If we can't find the soul level affection we're craving, how can that propel us to discover that treasure in relationship with Christ?

* I'm shooting a text to my extended family members. I want to find out what their primary love languages are. Shame on me for not already knowing. The results?

acts of service

✅

physical touch

✅✅✅

quality time

✅✅

words of affirmation

✅✅✅✅

swedish fish/twizzlers

✅

i don't know

✅

💘

Of flowers, chocolates, and relationships
on Valentine's Day

Here's 7 Ways You Can
Show More Respect at Home

63 Love Notes

image

💘

There will never be words to describe
His overwhelming, never-ending love

video

Let's talk about your experiences with love languages ~

Linda

💘

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Porch #65 * Long Driveways & Little Barns

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Good Friday morning to you, dear friends!

A quick glance at the clock tells me I have less than 90 minutes to get this newsletter out to you. That may be a tough sell because my eyes can't stop riveting to the view out oldest daughter's big kitchen window, trees all gold and russet and fading green. And when the breeze blows soft, tired leaves float slowly groundward to join their already crinkling companions.

As with everything autumn, I'm captivated.

We're in the final stretch of our little road trip. We traveled down to the Annapolis daughter's house for a long weekend, stopped to catch our breath for a few days in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and are finishing up at the Connecticut daughter's place.

And a few things dawned on me this morning which may or may not have meaning to you.

🐓

1. We raised our daughters in a little ranch house deep in the woods atop a long, steep, winding driveway.

They are now raising their own families, hundreds of miles apart, in houses deep in the woods atop long, steep, winding driveways.

2. Back in the day, Mr. Handyman built them a very fun treehouse perched way up high at the top of the driveway on the left-hand side.

These days, both girls have little barns at the top of their driveways on the left-hand side.

3. Mr. Handyman and his son-in-law built new barn doors for the Annapolis daughter last weekend.

Mr. Handyman and the Connecticut daughter are building a chicken coop in their barn this weekend.

4. Even though their personalities and circumstances are different, both daughters and their families value the same things.

A strong faith in Christ honed and solidified by incredibly hard seasons. Substantial family time. Women with very long, thick, gorgeous hair. Faithful ministry. Quirky humor. Love of Camp and Cape. Busy kitchens at the hub of activity.

And the presence of barking/chirping animals to wake each household up at o'dark thirty.

🐓

Time to go now. I'm off to take the towels out of the dryer, re-organize the spice rack (at her request), and then tromp through the woods to find bittersweet vines to wind into a pretty wreath for the little farmer's porch.

Be still my soul. Life is full and golden in this season ... only because of His goodness and mercy.

Linda

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
- Lamentations 3:21-26

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Richella & Lisa

Deepest Shadows

Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

Death casts a shadow wide and long.

The impact of suffering on those who've borne witness is unexpectedly immense. There really are no words for this kind of heart-wrenching experience. We are impacted to the core, the very center of our beings, in ways that are difficult to comprehend.

When you've loved well, you grieve deep. When you've opened your heart and been all kinds of vulnerable, loss is multi-faceted and raw. We are left fragile, tender to the touch. Hard grief costs, it doesn't come cheap, and there is a lingering price-tag on body, mind, and soul.

The shadow is death's calling card and it lingers unbidden for those who remain earthbound, those who have suffered loss but have not yet been freed to the bliss of eternal life with Father, Son, and Spirit.

We navigate the fierce winds of grief's storm as He faithfully cradles us close. We venture forward, one day, sometimes one hour, at a time. Each tearful sigh and deep breath become a lavish grace.

And the promised new-every-morning mercies whisper a richly blessed assurance that there is hope, a healing of sorts. For we can slowly emerge from being torn and tattered into one who grows into a wounded healer. A soul who's been there done that, whose heart beats kinder, more empathetic, and far wiser than humanly possible.

We don't grieve like those who do not experience the promises and comfort of Jesus Himself. Yet, we will never be the same. And that could end up being a very good thing.

Linda

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photo by Tirza van Dijk on Unsplash

Of flowers, chocolate, and relationships on Valentine's Day

My cousin Carol died two days after Christmas 2019 after a long, agonizing battle with cancer. We grew up together and then our lives went in different directions. She became a nurse, a wife, a missionary to Equador, a mom. Her first grandbaby was born just a few months after she went home to be with the Lord she faithfully loved and served.

Carol was one of the most gracious, loveliest, positive, gently strong souls I've known, loved ... and respected. I felt blessed that in our 'older' years we were often able to re-connect at Camp in the summertime with what seemed to be a million of our closest relatives.

Her husband, Mark, wrote this piece this week and has very graciously allowed me to share it with you.

Trust me, you would have absolutely loved her, too.

"I don’t want to give her flowers, because I don't want to give her a heart attack!"

This was the mantra from Carol's dad about Carol's mom every time I bought flowers for Carol when we were dating. But I knew that Carol’s mom loved flowers, she took extra care of Carol’s flower arrangements, making certain they were watered and the wilted petals removed.

I am pretty sure that Carol’s mom and dad had a silent agreement, save the money on flowers and bank it for the future.

But that being the case, there was no such limit with chocolate.

I remember all kinds of chocolates in their house on holidays, and my wife’s love for the dark chocolate variety was a finely honed taste of the best that could be had within our budget. She loved all things chocolate, whether it was triple chocolate cake, dark chocolate Dove hearts, or simple dark C bars from Aldi’s.

I liked having fresh flowers, roses preferred, in the house, and the best time to bring them home was when there was no reason to do so, no offence committed, and brought just to brighten the day.

Thinking through the days lately and those coming up, I still think, “I need to get flowers,” but then I realize it isn't to be.

My new normal is different now, but relationships still have great importance.

As I think about it, I realize that although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for. And I can be thankful for my family, a good day, good health, and the energy I need to keep moving forward.

We celebrate relationships because we need them. And those relationships need us. Let us be thankful and grateful. I encourage you to get un-busy, and celebrate your relationships.

Mark said it so very well.

'I realize that although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for.'

Maybe we best honor those we've lost by deeply cherishing the ones who are still here with us ... and letting them clearly know that they are loved.

Linda

<< Blogging ... 13 Later Later

Mid-Winter Browsing * On the Porch >>

talking relationships with

Richella . Lisa . Jeanne

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On Wearing Our Political Hats

I ran into a neighbor at the store a few weeks ago. She's a believer and we spent a few pleasant minutes chatting back and forth.

And then she began to rail against rioters and reparation and other sensitive subjects and vehemently pronounced those who support them as the enemy.

Something in me clenched and tightened.

And then the Spirit invited me to say these words ...

'We've got to remember that the real enemy is the enemy of our souls, not those we may not agree with. He's having a field day dividing us one against the other.'

She halfheartedly agreed and quickly moved on down the aisle to the check-out line. I'm not sure if she knew what I was trying to say, but I think she might have had a glimmer.

In this volatile political season, may we, as believers in Jesus Christ:

* Identify ourselves by allegiance to our Lord and King and not by whatever political party best represents our personal values

* Appreciate and respect the reality that brothers and sisters in Christ may have heart-felt political beliefs that our different than our own

* Educate ourselves, read widely, listen with discernment and empathy to those on both sides of the aisle

* Allow the Holy Spirit to develop our biblical world view and direct our political participation

* Love each other deeply in the process

'Your love for one another will prove to the world

that you are my disciples'

John 13:35 {NLT}

My lovely friend Lisa has written a stellar post today, Stop the Name Calling. I am so pleased to share it with you because, yet again, this wise woman has hit the nail on the head and spoken solid truth for such a time as this.

Please head right on over ... and tell her Linda sent you.

Dear friends, may we be defined by our beautiful Savior, not our political leanings ~

Linda

P.S. Respectful comments only please.

<< The Bookbag * Nesting Edition

On the Porch * Fall Decorating ~ Are You Kidding Me? >>

Have You Run Into Karen Lately?

'At least SOME of us are walking in the right direction!'

Clearly avoiding any hint of eye contact, the sarcastic fellow shopper addressed me coldly in the frozen food aisle as she glanced my way while eyeing the ice cream on sale.

Behind my mask, I chuckled as I continued pushing my cart forward, refusing to give her the satisfaction she was craving.

My heavy mask hid my quiet laughter as I wheeled around the corner, relieved that I was out of her sight.

I didn't even think of checking the arrow's direction.

I completely forgot about buying the ice cream on my list.

I was taken by utter surprise. I felt a bit violated. Weirdly unsettled. It was the first time during the pandemic that I had met 'Karen' face-to-face.

With apologies to those who legitimately bear her name, Karen has become slang for a woman with an attitude, an endless sense of entitlement, an ax to grind.

She has no qualms in calling out anybody who's not doing what she thinks is the right thing. She is rude, self-absorbed, obnoxious, and complaining is the name of her game. She's a self-appointed know-it-all ... and she's determined to make herself heard.

The pandemic has unwound her unsettled mind and heart, unleashing her to do damage to those unfortunate to cross her path.

*

Truth be told, I feel kind of bad for the Karens these days. I'm guessing that many of them are mouthy because deep inside they're hurting. Wounded. Frustrated. Scared to death.

Or are feeling disrespected. Vulnerable. Lost.

There are often very valid emotions rattling around inside those who respond to life with offensive words or passive-aggressive behavior. Sadly, these souls have not learned how to handle their power-laden emotions in ways that are healthy, wise, or socially appropriate.

*

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
- Proverbs 15:1

*

Kindness matters. Compassion softens. Grace counts. Love wins.

Met any Karens lately?

And are we honest enough to admit that apart from God's calming presence, we {gasp} are prone to be her deep inside our rattled hearts?
Linda

Here's More ➜
Let's Talk About Emotional Health * A Little Series

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This Yearning Washed Over Me . . .

Happy 4th, Dear Friends ~

This has been one of those jam-packed weeks for me and mine ... a precious little house sold for more than asked or imagined {no, not ours}. Streams of family texts back and forth. A simple birthday luncheon for a special friend. Hours of conversation with my sister as we sat overlooking Cape Cod Bay's still waters. Quiet moments with mom as she rested in the big blue chair in her bedroom corner.

Lengthy phone calls, some deadly serious and others gleefully joyful. The somber spreading of ashes. A kiddie sized bowl of decadent chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Endless discussions with my husband. Sweet times of meditation on God's Word.

And the long-dreaded, astoundingly stress-free installation of Invisilign in this almost 65 year old's out-of-kilter mouth.

Yet, with all that's been swirling around here, this yearning washed over me as I loaded the washer early this morning. To simply drop in and say 'hi' to you.

In person.

Meeting you face to face. Seeing your hearth and home and very personalized writing space. I picture us sharing glasses of frosty iced tea as we spill our stories from years past or of these last few days. Comparing notes, exclaiming 'oh, you, too?!,' laughing and crying, grabbing each other's hand as we exchange tales of victories and heartbreaks, miracles and sorrows, hopes and prayers.

'Til then, just know that I love and appreciate you. I thank God 'upon every remembrance of you.' I'm beyond grateful that we're doing life together even from afar.

This holiday will look vastly different than the norm without fanfare and parades, fireworks and crowded gatherings. And my prayer for us all as this summer continues to tumble forward with all its very real and valid concerns, is that each day will be bathed with peace and anticipation of good things to come.

Even and especially in the hard times.

Sending my best your way ~
Linda

<< Loose Ends:

Joyful June Edition

Have You Run Into
Karen Lately? >>

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Kristin & Jenn

Happy Mother's Day to my two incredible daughters!

I am in awe of the women you are and rejoice as I watch you mother your beautiful children. I am beyond grateful at God's faithfulness to us as a family, especially during the dark and stormy seasons.

I will love you always ~
Mom
xo xo

In Which I Share My Family Photo Album

Merry Christmas!

When I pulled together our occasionally annual Christmas letter to family and friends last Saturday, I wrote, 'I'm sharing family pictures on the blog at LindaStoll.net on Christmas Day, so please stop by at some point and get a glimpse of who we are in this season.'

I was way past trying to design some kind of photo card or figure out how to get a picture from my phone to the letter on my quite outdated laptop. Yes, I am hugely technologically challenged.

If your eyes glaze over when people whip out their phones and show you 89,000 pics of their family, well, yes, I absolutely understand if you want to move on.

Here's the snapshots of our life in 2019 ...