Showing posts with label my family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my family. Show all posts

My Sister & I Don't See Eye to Eye on Family Gatherings


Summertime opens its doors wide for get-togethers, gatherings, reunions, and all manner of crowd pleasers.

We're no exception in this neck of the woods.

I completely avoid the word entertaining.  Yuck.  No one's trying to impress anyone around here.  We just want everyone to kick off their shoes {toss them in the big wicker basket so grandma doesn't trip}, relax, and enjoy whatever's happening.

I love it.

But this introvert learned long ago that not only do I need to have clean sheets on the beds and extra food in the fridge, but I do well to ready my soul for the joy-filled noise and ceaseless activity and all manner of good times that are to come.

I need to build in quiet spaces before, during, and after.

💌

This works for me:
I clear my calendar.
I purposely create a large margin of white space around myself a week or so before everyone starts arriving.  I say 'no thanks' to meetings, activities, and appointments that don't need my attendance or involvement.

I pull back online. 
I might do a bit of writing but you won't find me running around.  I'll see you later.

I stock the cupboards well ahead of time.  
Amazon and Walmart have become my grocery free-delivery go-to's.  The final shopping trip will pretty much be fresh produce, meat, breads, and dairy, enough to get us through the first few days.  After that, all bets are off and the kids can figure out what they want to do next.

I clear away unnecessary tchotchkes from counters and tables.
We need every spare inch of space we can find.

I save the heavy duty cleaning for after everyone has departed.
My philosophy has morphed into 'why clean twice.'  Yes, the bathroom is scrubbed and the sheets are fresh but any other cleaning comes after the last car has departed.

I let everyone around me roll up their sleeves in the kitchen.
I used to think I had to be in charge of each meal.  No more.  Everyone around here is a whole lot more capable than I am.  I let them do their thing.  And no one arrives at the door empty-handed.  I'm not that gracious.

I find pockets of solitude in the midst of it all.
I'll sneak away for a little quiet time.  Or head to my room for a bit of an afternoon breather.  No one needs to have me around every second.  I've yet to hear, 'where's Grandma, I miss her so much.'

I leave myself plenty of quiet space after.
My husband and I join forces for a huge cleaning marathon when all is done.  The kitchen, laundry, floors, and bathrooms get attacked with all our might.  Before the last car is 'round the corner.

And then we nap.  Sit and quietly process all the joy and madness.  And then nap some more.

💌

But {of course} my sister completely disagrees:
I get ready for family gatherings totally opposite than my sister. 

My calendar is not cleared, it is packed with activity until the last minute, otherwise I will find I have those "forgotten" things to do while people are here or I am at their house. 

I spend days and nights cleaning before a group arrives, so everything is clean.  Once they leave, I wash sheets and towels, but I don't rush to clean anything else - it can wait. 

I agree that everyone can bring food and help set up and clean up.  They have more energy than me anyway! 

I don't take alone time when everyone is here.  I don't want to miss one minute.  It is noisy, at times chaotic, but I will catch Linda's eye across the room and we smile, happy to have everyone together, remembering past reunions and realizing that we are now the older generation.  I look around the room, thank God for everyone there - with all our differences and all our struggles - then I walk into the bathroom, close the door and cry for those family members missing or who are in heaven. 

When I return to the room, I catch Linda's eye and we hug - though so different from each other, we don't need words to understand the meaning of family.

💌

If you're planning any kind of event, enjoy the whole shebang, no matter how you make it happen.  No one will notice the dust bunnies in the corner or cobwebs draped here and there.  And if they do, well that's another story.  Relax, be a kid again, and create fresh memories.  For these are the good old days.
Linda

This Is Helping Me Grieve Well

Oh, Mom would just love this!

Mom would be so excited!

Wouldn't this make Mom happy!

She'd get such a kick out of this!

It's been almost nine months since she entered heaven, yet Mom is still very much present. 

Speaking her name and drawing her right into anything worth celebrating has kept her spirit alive and well in my heart. 

It didn't start on purpose.  But it's ended up being natural.  And it's turned my mourning into gratitude. 

These days, when people, places, or things she enjoyed pop up, I invite her right into the conversation.  Delicious food.  The ocean's majesty.  House projects.  Lovely flowers or beautiful music.  Habitat for Humanity.  

And anything that revolves around her family's antics, adventures, and accomplishments. Nothing that mattered to any of us was too insignificant for her focused attention and enthusiastic response.  

Unbelievable!! she'd declare with a big smile.

She never drew attention to herself.  Never complained.  And found comfort and hope in her deeply personal relationship with Christ.  It was always about Him ... and everyone else who crossed her path.

💘

Sure, there's still moments of intense sadness.  I want to send her snapshots of the great-grandkids and fill her in on all the latest happenings.  I feel my stomach jolt when we drive by the Quaker Meeting House Road exit or as I push the cart through the supermarket and spot the Belvita or Taster's Choice or Depends.  A big hug from one of her friends makes me ache with longing.  And some worship songs lead me into a puddle of grief that leaves me drained for the rest of the day.

Yet because His mercies are new every morning, the daily bounty of good and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy gifts of grace come surging in again, filling my heart with gratitude.  I'm compelled by Mom's life of extraordinary faith to focus on living in ways that honor Christ and would bring her a quiet satisfaction. 

Grieving well is enabling me to release the trauma of that awful, endless, final season of her life.  The pain is fading slowly but surely into the background even as peace and joy are taking center stage right where they belong.

What's helped you in your grief journey?  What's hindered it?
Linda

Lamentations
3:19-26, 31-33, 55-58

Philippians
4:4-9

Tim & Linda's Christmas Card

pinterest

Dear friends here and there, old and newer, online and offline ~

It's kind of nice that there's no Christmas Card Police who come knocking on your door if you don't send a proper card in a pretty envelope with a festive stamp on it.  It's also a bit of relief that we can drop by and say 'hi' online, because I doubt I would have gotten everything written and addressed, stamped and mailed this year.

I know you understand.

All that said, we do appreciate the cards and notes and pictures you're sending our way.  And wish we could shrink the miles and live life together again.  Wouldn't that be fun?!  Those were the days.

This has been a tough year and we are grateful for God's mercy in taking Mom home to be with Him at the end of June.  Not a day goes by that we don't think about her, talk about her, miss her.  She's been a huge part of our daily lives since we moved to the Cape and we're just now starting to figure out who we are without her living close by.  Our deep relief that she is not suffering anymore is matched by the empty space that now remains. 

My sister and her husband moved to the Cape in June.  I'm so happy to have her nearby for the first time since we left home all those decades ago.  We're as different as night and day and she'd be the first to admit that we can make each other crazy but when all is said and done, it means the world even just to have her drop in for a cup of tea.  

As you can see, I'm still writing online.  I think this might be post #1901 but who's counting?  I love it.  In all of life's changes and challenges over the years, the rhythm of writing and posting and cultivating community has been a huge gift God has given that has kept me focused and sane, my comfort zone expanded, and my faith deepened.  I'm grateful.

Tim continues with Habitat and has gotten involved with their Deconstruction Team.  People who are remodeling their kitchens are able to donate their 'old' cabinets to the local Habitat ReStore.  The Team goes to donors' houses, remove the cabinets, and then they're sold and the proceeds go to build more homes.  Good stuff.  Beats falling off a ladder and pretending nothing happened.  But that's a story for another day.

Right now, he's building shelves for our little dining area so I can unpack boxes of fun stuff brought from Poughkeepsie 7 1/2 years ago!  He does beautiful work.  After 46 years, he's a keeper for sure.

I've re-found my niche in co-leading a Stephen Ministry at church.  Since I retired from counseling, something had been missing and so it's giving me a lot of joy to train and mentor gifted, kind-hearted volunteers and help match them up with care receivers who need someone to walk with them through a challenging season.  I've found my sweet spot again and am grateful to team up with such godly, compassionate caregivers.  

Our family usually gets together here in June, at Camp of the Woods in August, and then either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  We wish it was a whole lot more, but it is what it is.  We lost much during Covid that we'll never regain, so when we can be together, it really is the hugest blessing.  With sports and classes and missions trips and work and church stuff and hundreds of miles and 12 people coming and going from Massachusetts to Connecticut to Maryland to South Carolina, it's almost impossible to get everyone in one place anymore.  But we try.  And when it finally comes together, it's like a dream come true.



Kristin and family got five chickens a few months ago and it's been fun to watch from afar and hear the stories that only she can tell.  Her reluctant father joined her in designing and building a chicken coop and since then, their family has been gathering eggs every day.  One afternoon a hawk swooped down and tried to fly off with one of her beloved feathered children.  But the winged predator didn't stand a chance as Kristin ran through the yard screaming and waving her arms like a crazy person.  Such is the life of a vigilant mother hen and her occasionally free-ranging babies.




Jenn and family always have something going on at their house ... at any given moment there could be foster children, a few midshipmen from the Naval Academy, assorted friends, roommates, or relatives joining the family 'round their table for a boisterously delicious meal.  Nothing fazes her and their family is known for their hospitality.  When she's not corralling the troops, she's the Nurse Manager for three Crisis Pregnancy Centers and as ever, has risen to the occasion with her superb caring and organizational skills.  But the highlight of any month is when Lydia returns home from college for a visit.




Well, that's the family rundown.  We're looking forward to being together in a few days.  At 12-19 years old, the grandkiddos are growing in their faith and are the most unique and entertaining people (if I say so myself!)  In fact, they're so delightful that after we celebrate on the 25th, Tim and I will quickly be heading out to sea for a week to recover from all the festivities.

If you want to keep in touch, please subscribe right here and I'll have the great pleasure of showing up in your inbox once or twice a week.  I'd love to have you in my life again.  Truly.

And if you know someone who might have known us along the way, please feel free to share this with them.  

Comfort and Joy, 
Tim and Linda
 



Porch #65 * Long Driveways & Little Barns

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Good Friday morning to you, dear friends!

A quick glance at the clock tells me I have less than 90 minutes to get this newsletter out to you.  That may be a tough sell because my eyes can't stop riveting to the view out oldest daughter's big kitchen window, trees all gold and russet and fading green.  And when the breeze blows soft, tired leaves float slowly groundward to join their already crinkling companions.

As with everything autumn, I'm captivated. 

We're in the final stretch of our little road trip.  We traveled down to the Annapolis daughter's house for a long weekend, stopped to catch our breath for a few days in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and are finishing up at the Connecticut daughter's place.  

And a few things dawned on me this morning which may or may not have meaning to you.

🐓

1.  We raised our daughters in a little ranch house deep in the woods atop a long, steep, winding driveway.

They are now raising their own families, hundreds of miles apart, in houses deep in the woods atop long, steep, winding driveways.

2.  Back in the day, Mr. Handyman built them a very fun treehouse perched way up high at the top of the driveway on the left-hand side.

These days, both girls have little barns at the top of their driveways on the left-hand side.

3.  Mr. Handyman and his son-in-law built new barn doors for the Annapolis daughter last weekend.

Mr. Handyman and the Connecticut daughter are building a chicken coop in their barn this weekend.

4.  Even though their personalities and circumstances are different, both daughters and their families value the same things.  

A strong faith in Christ honed and solidified by incredibly hard seasons.  Substantial family time.  Women with very long, thick, gorgeous hair.  Faithful ministry.  Quirky humor.  Love of Camp and Cape.  Busy kitchens at the hub of activity.  

And the presence of barking/chirping animals to wake each household up at o'dark thirty.

🐓

Time to go now.  I'm off to take the towels out of the dryer, re-organize the spice rack (at her request), and then tromp through the woods to find bittersweet vines to wind into a pretty wreath for the little farmer's porch.

Be still my soul.  Life is full and golden in this season ... only because of His goodness and mercy.

Linda

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him;  It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
- Lamentations 3:21-26

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In Which I Bow Out Gracefully


My dear friends ~

Just a few lines to let you know that I will be pretty much unplugged for the foreseeable future.  You guys know how much I love blogging and doing life in community with you.  But right now, my truest desire is to be as fully present with my mom as I can possibly be in this final chapter of her life ... and be completely available to the family who so deeply adore her.

I know you understand.

I've been navigating this anticipatory grief one day at a time for years now.  It's like a rollercoaster ride that just won't quit.

Yet more than ever, I believe that our God is incredibly faithful, His heart is kind, and His timing is trustworthy.  In the midst of the uncertainty, heartbreak, and weariness that have been our constant companions for far too long, He's generously given overflowing portions of joy, hope, and peace.  

Thank you for your compassionate words in recent weeks.  If you'd pray for Mom, our extended family, and the healthcare team who tenderly watch over her, we'd be so grateful.  

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
Linda
Thou art my God,
My times are in Thy hand.
Psalm 31:14-15

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Honoring Sweet Jess One Year Later

(1986 - 2019)

I wasn't going to write about Jessica.  

The sadness of this, the first anniversary of her sudden, tragic death wasn't passing by me, no, not at all.  And it's not that I didn't adore her or want to honor her Christ-centered, beautiful life.

I simply don't have the energy.

There's a heaviness there that can't be denied.  A whole lot of wondering.  A deep aching for my sister and her family and my mother.  Recalling Jess's unique laugh, her immense love for people 'round the world, her incredibly creative spirit, her passion for Jesus, her enjoyment of sometimes quite odd cuisine.  

Someone's missing at the family table, at the celebration, in the circle of chairs on the beach, at the gift exchange, on the string of family texts, at the crazy Zoom game night.

Yet again.




With each death our family has experienced during the last five years, we have been swiftly, painfully, irrevocably re-altered.  Slowly, we're all in the process of somehow cobbling together a new identity which feels kind of odd and uncomfortable, like a new pair of shoes that doesn't quite fit yet.  

Yet could it be that our bonds are stronger because of our shared unspeakable sorrows?

Many of you have suffered a succession of losses as well.  Even one departure of a loved one can be traumatic enough to send us reeling for longer than we thought possible.

I hear your souls' cry and I want you to know that you are not alone. 
 



It's important to notice how we're feeling as our remembered losses come to call, deep sorrows wrapped around joyful memories sweet.  

Not to notice leads to shoving weird, unexplained emotions deep down inside somewhere dark, even as odd behaviors and strange responses seemingly pop out from nowhere.  Which can only lead to all kinds of maladies and messy junk ... emotional, physical, spiritual, relational.

We do best when we honor our traumas, name our pain, and refuse to hide from the reality of what has turned our world upside down and inside out, as awful or tragic as it may be.  Not in a maudlin way, but rather reflectively, quietly, considering all that has emerged in the weaving of our own unique family story.

And don't let anyone tell you that there's some kind of magical 3 step formula to grieving well.  They're just kidding themselves and giving you false hope.  Yes, life goes on.  But grief is a very personal journey, a daunting, sometimes overwhelming task filled with winding bends, deep valleys, and yes, some mountaintop vistas.  

And the whole process goes on much longer than you'd ever dreamed.  

Jessica was a mental health therapist.  I think she'd agree with all this here with a nod of her head, a gentle smile, a simple 'yes, Aunt Linda.'


artist unknown


Along the journey, we are blessed beyond measure if there is another soul to listen quietly, to affirm what is most true about us with the gentle touch of a hand, a silent tear falling, the simple nod of a head, a word of grace and consolation carefully spoken.  

Tender friends who refuse to lob Scripture at us, preach unwelcome words, or share their seemingly endless sagas in an effort to make our hard-to-watch pain somehow magically vanish from view.

And then ... there is a Sacred Friend who is so much closer than any earthly loved one could ever be.   

He, far above all others, truly gets what grief and sorrow are all about for He experienced them to a depth that we'll never come close to imagining.

He is our hope, our solace, our Comforter.  Now and forever.
Linda

Kristin & Jenn


Happy Mother's Day to my two incredible daughters!  

I am in awe of the women you are and rejoice as I watch you mother your beautiful children.  I am beyond grateful at God's faithfulness to us as a family, especially during the dark and stormy seasons.

I will love you always ~
Mom 
xo   xo

In Which I Share My Family Photo Album

Merry Christmas!

When I pulled together our occasionally annual Christmas letter to family and friends last Saturday, I wrote, 'I'm sharing family pictures on the blog at LindaStoll.net on Christmas Day, so please stop by at some point and get a glimpse of who we are in this season.'

I was way past trying to design some kind of photo card or figure out how to get a picture from my phone to the letter on my quite outdated laptop.  Yes, I am hugely technologically challenged.

If your eyes glaze over when people whip out their phones and show you 89,000 pics of their family, well, yes, I absolutely understand if you want to move on.

Here's the snapshots of our life in 2019 ... 


a delicious black & white cookie {or 3} 
was the perfect way to celebrate Mom's 89th


the tail end of April is still fairly misty & frigid at the beach ...
Tom, Kristin, Alexa, & Brooke didn't mind at all


Jenn graduated from nursing school at the top of her class ... 
wow, what a celebration!


our annual Father's Day extended family gathering ...
no one gets a hamburger 'til the picture is taken


Brooke {9}   Melanie {11}   Andrew {13}
Kathryn {14}   Alexa {10}   Lydia {16}


Barry  .  Kathryn  .  Melanie  .   Jenn  .  Andrew  .  Lydia


Kathryn is really sleeping
yes


Andrew  .  Brooke  .  Alexa
pretend sleeping, i think


Lydia  .  Kathryn  .  Jenn
definitely faking it


they all found sweatshirts their size & had to try them on ... 
shoppers scattered at the noisy commotion


we miss you little Tyler ...
you're never far from our thoughts, sweet boy


Alexa  .  Brooke  .  Pa
the best pics are when no one cares that Ma's aiming her phone


Jenn  .  Melanie  .  Kristin


Brooke  .  Kristin  .  Alexa
best beach day ever 


um ... well ... what can i say
this is what 64 looks like {sigh}


Lydia does a color-run fundraiser for missions with
her great-uncle who she hadn't seen since she was a baby


Alexa  .  Brooke
i love this sweet, cozy picture


Kathryn flies in for some 1 - 1 time ...
we didn't plan to be twins


happy 65th, Tim ...
you are loved, for sure


no one gets a turkey dinner until we pull together 
this rare pic of my mom with her whole family


when i grow up, i want to be just like my daughters ...
they're absolutely incredible women


i told them to turn around & smile 
& wonder of wonders, they did


Lydia  .  Kathryn
they're beautiful in every way


quietly heading into the new year

Linda

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