Porch #91 * When Mother's Day Hurts

THE PORCH
A CHRIST-CENTERED
WEEKEND NEWSLETTER
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gentle conversation & calming snapshots
uplifting linkage & occasional surprises
for those who delight in doing life
in the company of kindred spirits

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

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I browsed through the over-stuffed racks, searching for a few Mother's Day cards that gently acknowledged that life and love are hard.  I quickly shoved most of them back into their plastic nests.  The messages were utterly inane or ridiculously unrealistic.

Finally, tucked way on the side I found several that said exactly what I longed to say.  I paid for them and then went on my way, wondering why we can't be more honest about how we really feel about what's going on.  

Yes, even and especially on Mother's Day.

Your Mother's Day may be filled with candy and flowers and bright shining children serenading you as they serve you a delightful breakfast in bed and cater to your every whim like you're the queen of the universe. 

I hope this is true for you.  I really do.  God bless you.  Please enjoy every minute. 

Or you simply might not want to get out of bed at all.  And wouldn't even think of darkening the door of the church because you just cannot imagine seeing all those happy faces (many of whom are living your reality, you just don't know it).

Death has visited your family.  Or your dreams have gone up in smoke.  Or perhaps an overwhelming combination of all kinds of losses come bubbling to the top on the holidays.  The grief is so real and palpable that you don't quite know what to do with it all.

Sadness, hurt, regrets, disappointments, pain, frustration, and sorrow all crowd on in and whisper lies that masquerade as truth.  

But God says that you are beloved.  Valued.  Priceless.  Forgiven.  Unlike us humans, He's not going to pass away.  He won't leave you, betray you, or drop out of sight.  He's not going to change like shifting shadows or give you an attitude or be disrespectful to you.  His love is faithful and kind and will last 'til the end of time.  And beyond.

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Wherever you find yourself this weekend, overflowing with joy or laden with sorrow, I pray that you will have peace in your heart knowing that you've loved the best you could with what you had at the time.  And that the Spirit will bring good memories to comfort you and a life-giving measure of hope for tomorrow.  And the next day.

Do something kind for yourself, ok?

And if all is well, reach out to a sister who's struggling.  You won't have far to look.  Or maybe forward this to a griever who needs to know that she's not alone.  
Linda

Mother's Day on the Porch
(2021)

A Thank You Note to Our Spiritual Mothers
(2020)

Reflections For An Uneasy Mother's Day
(2019)

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Tim & Linda's Christmas Card

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Dear friends here and there, old and newer, online and offline ~

It's kind of nice that there's no Christmas Card Police who come knocking on your door if you don't send a proper card in a pretty envelope with a festive stamp on it.  It's also a bit of relief that we can drop by and say 'hi' online, because I doubt I would have gotten everything written and addressed, stamped and mailed this year.

I know you understand.

All that said, we do appreciate the cards and notes and pictures you're sending our way.  And wish we could shrink the miles and live life together again.  Wouldn't that be fun?!  Those were the days.

This has been a tough year and we are grateful for God's mercy in taking Mom home to be with Him at the end of June.  Not a day goes by that we don't think about her, talk about her, miss her.  She's been a huge part of our daily lives since we moved to the Cape and we're just now starting to figure out who we are without her living close by.  Our deep relief that she is not suffering anymore is matched by the empty space that now remains. 

My sister and her husband moved to the Cape in June.  I'm so happy to have her nearby for the first time since we left home all those decades ago.  We're as different as night and day and she'd be the first to admit that we can make each other crazy but when all is said and done, it means the world even just to have her drop in for a cup of tea.  

As you can see, I'm still writing online.  I think this might be post #1901 but who's counting?  I love it.  In all of life's changes and challenges over the years, the rhythm of writing and posting and cultivating community has been a huge gift God has given that has kept me focused and sane, my comfort zone expanded, and my faith deepened.  I'm grateful.

Tim continues with Habitat and has gotten involved with their Deconstruction Team.  People who are remodeling their kitchens are able to donate their 'old' cabinets to the local Habitat ReStore.  The Team goes to donors' houses, remove the cabinets, and then they're sold and the proceeds go to build more homes.  Good stuff.  Beats falling off a ladder and pretending nothing happened.  But that's a story for another day.

Right now, he's building shelves for our little dining area so I can unpack boxes of fun stuff brought from Poughkeepsie 7 1/2 years ago!  He does beautiful work.  After 46 years, he's a keeper for sure.

I've re-found my niche in co-leading a Stephen Ministry at church.  Since I retired from counseling, something had been missing and so it's giving me a lot of joy to train and mentor gifted, kind-hearted volunteers and help match them up with care receivers who need someone to walk with them through a challenging season.  I've found my sweet spot again and am grateful to team up with such godly, compassionate caregivers.  

Our family usually gets together here in June, at Camp of the Woods in August, and then either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  We wish it was a whole lot more, but it is what it is.  We lost much during Covid that we'll never regain, so when we can be together, it really is the hugest blessing.  With sports and classes and missions trips and work and church stuff and hundreds of miles and 12 people coming and going from Massachusetts to Connecticut to Maryland to South Carolina, it's almost impossible to get everyone in one place anymore.  But we try.  And when it finally comes together, it's like a dream come true.

Kristin and family got five chickens a few months ago and it's been fun to watch from afar and hear the stories that only she can tell.  Her reluctant father joined her in designing and building a chicken coop and since then, their family has been gathering eggs every day.  One afternoon a hawk swooped down and tried to fly off with one of her beloved feathered children.  But the winged predator didn't stand a chance as Kristin ran through the yard screaming and waving her arms like a crazy person.  Such is the life of a vigilant mother hen and her occasionally free-ranging babies.

Jenn and family always have something going on at their house ... at any given moment there could be foster children, a few midshipmen from the Naval Academy, assorted friends, roommates, or relatives joining the family 'round their table for a boisterously delicious meal.  Nothing fazes her and their family is known for their hospitality.  When she's not corralling the troops, she's the Nurse Manager for three Crisis Pregnancy Centers and as ever, has risen to the occasion with her superb caring and organizational skills.  But the highlight of any month is when Lydia returns home from college for a visit.

Well, that's the family rundown.  We're looking forward to being together in a few days.  At 12-19 years old, the grandkiddos are growing in their faith and are the most unique and entertaining people (if I say so myself!)  In fact, they're so delightful that after we celebrate on the 25th, Tim and I will quickly be heading out to sea for a week to recover from all the festivities.

If you want to keep in touch, please subscribe right here and I'll have the great pleasure of showing up in your inbox once or twice a week.  I'd love to have you in my life again.  Truly.

And if you know someone who might have known us along the way, please feel free to share this with them.  

Comfort and Joy, 
Tim and Linda 

Breath of Heaven, Hold Me Together

 'So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby, who was lying in the manger.  When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this Child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.

But Mary treasured up all these things
and pondered them in her heart ...'

Luke 2:16-19

 

We continue to make our way through this Advent season.

We have attempted, not always successfully, to step away from our ordinary routines so that we can fully appreciate His extraordinary story.

For some, this venturing away from business as usual happens gradually, almost imperceptibly.  For others, it requires a clear decision made that invites the possibility of a holy awe to settle in and over and somewhere deep within our beings. 

Whatever.  The good news is that it's never too late to ponder the sacred story of the birth of the Holy One, our Savior, Jesus Christ.  And His young God-chosen mother.

For Mary is living out an unbelievable holy saga as her simply unexplainable pregnancy and the scandal that surely swirled around her take on a life of their own.

Literally.

The grueling journey by some beast of burden takes place in her final days of pregnancy.  At their assigned destination, does panic descend as she realizes that there is not a decent room to be had? 

And what does she do with the stark realization that she and Joseph will be settling into an animal shelter, a shed jam-packed with an assortment of creatures whose owners have also joined the town's throngs?

As labor pains begin to grip her body with a burning frequency, the surreal reality hits her and her husband-to-be.  Her birthing suite would be right in the midst of manure-littered straw with cumbersome, noisy animals staring as they chomped on their feed ... and no woman friend or relative to gently guide her to the culmination of this, her virgin birth.

The Spirit who brought Jesus into her womb never leaves her side as she delivers the Son of God into a fallen world that's just as messy as the shed in which He took His first earthly breaths.

 

Miraculously, the Spirit quiets her young wise soul even as the Holy Child's first visitors include a random assortment of shepherds and more than a few curious bystanders who've caught wind of this unusual sacred drama. The ragtag company heads off in awe to spread the incredible heavenly news. 

 

And Mary is somehow able to pause.  In the midst of all that has swirled around her in a short period of time, she gently rests with her Savior-Baby and processes all that has happened.  Does she once again offer up those early pregnancy praises recorded in Luke's first chapter?  Or does she simply contemplate her own private thoughts during these first hours with the Son of God in her arms at her breast?

Fast forward a couple thousand years. 

 

In the midst of our own whirlwind of emotions, travel plans, unexpected circumstances, glorious surprises, and deepest disappointments, we, too, are offered a compelling invitation to lay aside all that's ordinary and dwell on the sacred extraordinary.  We, who have been offered eternal hope and everlasting joy, are invited to ponder the remarkably glorious news that Jesus Christ is born.  And meditate, once again, on the miracle of our salvation and promise of heaven for those who claim Him as their own.

 

Just like the young virgin mother did all those generations ago.  

He still lightens our darkness, He holds us together.  What a wonderful Savior.

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Glory to the matchless name of Jesus ~

Linda

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let's walk together into 2023
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Jeanne/Lisa J & Paula

Richella & Lisa

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Porch #72 * The December Kitchen

PORCH

a soft place to land

a calm weekend haven

a gentle pause from life's busyness

so we may experience

the tender lovingkindness of Jesus
as we do life together

in community

“What people are craving isn’t perfection.  People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home.  If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they’ll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how odd.”
Shauna Niequist

☕ ☕ ☕

Hey All ~

My original intent for this edition of PORCH was to share a bunch of lovely Christmas snapshots from past years since this is often a stressful time and I thought it would be a nice respite for us all.  

But as I was pulling everything together it hit me that these days my kitchen doesn't usually look like those pics and I'm guessing yours doesn't either.  After spending an hour and a half cleaning up the kitchen last night, I shifted this weekend's theme upside down to reflect what's pretty much true.  

1.  Our December kitchens have morphed into command central, bustling hives of all kinds of frenzied activity and unorganized chaos.

2.  Yet, is it still possible for our homes to be known as welcoming havens in the midst of mixing, baking, arranging, hunting for the elusive recipe, creating, whisking, wrapping, taking out the garbage, washing, crafting, eating, checking homework, pulling food together for the food pantry and the potluck.  Coffee sloshing from our mugs, reading, stacking, folding, drying, emptying the dishwasher, and checking our phones every other minute.  Wielding rolling pins, keeping an eye on the kids and the clock, organizing, chopping, praying, re-filling the fridge, writing, cleaning, paying bills.  Broiling, scrubbing, charcuterie-ing, packing and unpacking, checking our calendars, piecing puzzles, making lists, shifting our ever-growing piles as we traipse across sticky floors.

 

What do you think?  

Can we cultivate hospitality right about now or do we have to wait til next year?  (Notice I didn't use the word entertaining which I absolutely despise.)  In the midst of relentless activity, how can we offer a warm and welcoming haven, a nurturing refuge, a hub of kindness to others?  Let's talk about what's happening in our pre-Christmas kitchens ... and our overloaded souls.

Linda

November 2023 Update

Please come visit me at Grace & Space, my new online home sweet home on Substack.  I'd love for you to join our little community there.  This week I'm playing Personal Shopper as we talk about winsome stocking stuffers, 10 exceptional books, and a bunch of out-of-the-box gift-giving suggestions!