Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

My Sister & I Don't See Eye to Eye on Family Gatherings


Summertime opens its doors wide for get-togethers, gatherings, reunions, and all manner of crowd pleasers.

We're no exception in this neck of the woods.

I completely avoid the word entertaining.  Yuck.  No one's trying to impress anyone around here.  We just want everyone to kick off their shoes {toss them in the big wicker basket so grandma doesn't trip}, relax, and enjoy whatever's happening.

I love it.

But this introvert learned long ago that not only do I need to have clean sheets on the beds and extra food in the fridge, but I do well to ready my soul for the joy-filled noise and ceaseless activity and all manner of good times that are to come.

I need to build in quiet spaces before, during, and after.

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This works for me:
I clear my calendar.
I purposely create a large margin of white space around myself a week or so before everyone starts arriving.  I say 'no thanks' to meetings, activities, and appointments that don't need my attendance or involvement.

I pull back online. 
I might do a bit of writing but you won't find me running around.  I'll see you later.

I stock the cupboards well ahead of time.  
Amazon and Walmart have become my grocery free-delivery go-to's.  The final shopping trip will pretty much be fresh produce, meat, breads, and dairy, enough to get us through the first few days.  After that, all bets are off and the kids can figure out what they want to do next.

I clear away unnecessary tchotchkes from counters and tables.
We need every spare inch of space we can find.

I save the heavy duty cleaning for after everyone has departed.
My philosophy has morphed into 'why clean twice.'  Yes, the bathroom is scrubbed and the sheets are fresh but any other cleaning comes after the last car has departed.

I let everyone around me roll up their sleeves in the kitchen.
I used to think I had to be in charge of each meal.  No more.  Everyone around here is a whole lot more capable than I am.  I let them do their thing.  And no one arrives at the door empty-handed.  I'm not that gracious.

I find pockets of solitude in the midst of it all.
I'll sneak away for a little quiet time.  Or head to my room for a bit of an afternoon breather.  No one needs to have me around every second.  I've yet to hear, 'where's Grandma, I miss her so much.'

I leave myself plenty of quiet space after.
My husband and I join forces for a huge cleaning marathon when all is done.  The kitchen, laundry, floors, and bathrooms get attacked with all our might.  Before the last car is 'round the corner.

And then we nap.  Sit and quietly process all the joy and madness.  And then nap some more.

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But {of course} my sister completely disagrees:
I get ready for family gatherings totally opposite than my sister. 

My calendar is not cleared, it is packed with activity until the last minute, otherwise I will find I have those "forgotten" things to do while people are here or I am at their house. 

I spend days and nights cleaning before a group arrives, so everything is clean.  Once they leave, I wash sheets and towels, but I don't rush to clean anything else - it can wait. 

I agree that everyone can bring food and help set up and clean up.  They have more energy than me anyway! 

I don't take alone time when everyone is here.  I don't want to miss one minute.  It is noisy, at times chaotic, but I will catch Linda's eye across the room and we smile, happy to have everyone together, remembering past reunions and realizing that we are now the older generation.  I look around the room, thank God for everyone there - with all our differences and all our struggles - then I walk into the bathroom, close the door and cry for those family members missing or who are in heaven. 

When I return to the room, I catch Linda's eye and we hug - though so different from each other, we don't need words to understand the meaning of family.

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If you're planning any kind of event, enjoy the whole shebang, no matter how you make it happen.  No one will notice the dust bunnies in the corner or cobwebs draped here and there.  And if they do, well that's another story.  Relax, be a kid again, and create fresh memories.  For these are the good old days.
Linda

No One Has a Crystal Ball

'We will no longer be immature like children.  We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching.  We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.  

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 

He makes the whole body fit together perfectly.  As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.'
Ephesians 4:14-16 

No one has a crystal ball.

I've been known to say that here and there along the way.  And none of my audiences burst into great big rounds of applause.  

Some of us humans think that those around us should just intuitively know what we feel, want, or need and automatically respond in kind.  But more often than not, that's not reality.  We get all hurt and frustrated, think the absolute worst of those closest to us, and our disappointment bursts into bouts of anger, accusations, and hurtful words that can never be retrieved.

Or we resort to a variety of passive aggressive tactics as we pout or dole out the silent treatment to an audience whose energy has already been drained by yet another manipulative performance.

Or we finally tuck it all inside, bury it deep, and morph into victims as we slowly sink into the mire of despair and depression.

And who has time for that. 

'Cause this does nothing to build any kind of long-lasting trust or strengthen a relationship or truly invite anyone to come alongside us in a time of need.

*

A safe person doesn't have a crystal ball.

But they will invite you to speak truth to them ... with love, respect, and kindness.  A safe person will want the best for you.  They might ask you hard questions, but they'll be spoken in a Christ-like spirit.  They won't condemn you, preach at you, or shame you.  They will want to know you at a deeper level.  They will want to love you well.

A safe person will invite you to get 'healthy and growing and full of love.'
Linda

Read more ...
I Sent This Note to My People This Week

I8 Marriage Pitfalls to Avoid Like the Plague

The Drama Queen

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Porch #80 * Tell . Write . Listen

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Hey, it's good to be back together again.

Are you a story teller?  A story writer?  A story listener?

Right off the top I'll tell you that I'm not a story teller.  I can't remember details, my timing is off, I miss the point, I won't leave you hysterically rolling on the floor.   A completely unmemorable event.

I'm not a story writer either.  Here and there I've given it a whirl, usually with some kind of a devotional twist.  But after my third refusal from (in)courage some years back, I tossed that whole idea aside.  And I definitely had no interest in even dreaming of publishing anything even though a few kind-intentioned people encouraged me to go in that direction.

What were they thinking?

But all is not lost because I've come to accept that God's shaped me to be a listener.  Professionally, yes, but also simply as a human person.  It's a humbling honor to hold space for the heart of another, especially when it's tender and broken.  And even after all these years, I'm still in learning mode.

Listening is an art that doesn't come naturally to most of us.  We're usually too busy figuring out how to respond, how to fix, how to draw attention to our brilliant advice or witty repartee.  Our eyes glance at the clock or around the room, we fidget, our body language shouting that we are absorbed in ourselves and not at all present to the person in front of us.  

And they know it.

But I still believe that this is a priceless gift to pursue, cultivate, and refine.

The bottom line is that most human beings deeply desire to be acknowledged, heard, valued.  More than ever, most of us are yearning to have someone create a quiet space that allows us to be seen.  To have the reality of our thoughts and emotions validated.  To hold out grace and kindness and hope toward us without judgement or pat answers or some kind of hidden agenda.  

To let us know we're not alone. 

I love that we serve the One who's not only written our life stories but also already knows when the final curtain is going to fall.  Nothing shocks or shakes Him.  No one, but no one, listens attentively like Jesus.  He truly understands our ins and outs, ups and downs, twists and turns.  Because He's been here, done that.  Without a taint of sin or shame.

These 3 powerful stories grabbed me this week ...   
'Heather had a way of crossing barriers and offering unbiased love to those who often had suffered the lack of enduring love before ...' 

'Please be sure that people know that I never lost a battle with cancer.  God was always in control, not the cancer.' 

Philip Yancey's Diagnosis
'
A measure of shame seems to accompany disability.  There is an innate shame in inconveniencing others for something that is neither your fault nor your desire.  And a shame in having well-meaning friends overreact: some may treat you like a fragile antique, or complete your sentences when you pause a second to think of a word.'

Beth Moore's Childhood
'You know that there’s infidelity.  You know that there has been abuse ... those years were maniacal ... Looking to your mother and thinking she can’t take care of me, looking to your father and thinking you are the scariest thing in my life.  And what happens to us now?  It really was terrifying.'
(content warning: sexual abuse, mental illness)


EXPLORE MORE
Adam McHugh

Philip Yancey

Beth Moore

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Stephen Ministries
 provide high-quality, one-to-one, 
Christ-centered care to people 
experiencing life difficulties
(hint - listening is key)

May our attentive spirits give space for another's stories this weekend ~
Linda
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How Can I Ever Forgive Myself?

When it comes to graciously extending forgiveness, the hardest person to forgive is often is the one in the mirror.  For sinful choices or stupid decisions or outright betrayal.  It could have been yesterday afternoon ... or decades back.  So if the topic seems overwhelming or like an unattainable goal, please let me say that you're not the only one wrestling with what this looks like.  

You're in good company.  

Let's talk.

image creator

Who would have guessed that forgiving ourselves would be such a seemingly impossible decision? 

Blame it on the enemy of our souls. 

If you've done the Christian life for any length of time, it's no big surprise to you that the master deceiver prowls around like the ferocious evil beast he is.  

He whispers or shouts, hissing in the most evil tones.  His insidious lies weigh us down, immobilize us, and keep us stuck in a pit that seems to suck us deeper and deeper into self-condemnation and loathing.  Looking to push our buttons, trip us up, eat us alive, his goal is to render us useless for the victorious kingdom life we've been called to live.  

After awhile of this decidedly deceptive brainwashing, we're all too prone to believe him.

We get lost in the ugly mire of woulda / coulda / shoulda's, defining ourselves by everything negative we've ever said or done instead of defining ourselves by our Savior.  We become great big losers in our own eyes, hopelessly fixated on our past screw-ups, weighed down by our accumulation of cumbersome baggage ... instead of focusing on the One who paid the priceless penalty for all our sin.

Believe it or not, there's some twisted payoff in staying stuck in this graceless mire.  At least it's familiar territory.  It might be a lousy place to live but somehow, in a weird way, it slowly but surely has begun to feel like home.  An incredibly dysfunctional one that ends up holding us hostage.

'Cause who am I if I'm not defined by all my sins and shame?  What would my life look like if I drew a line in the sand and said 'enough is enough, I'm done with this.' 

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If we look in the mirror and see a perpetual loser or a masked failure, we have not accepted the forgiveness God has offered us.  The more in love we are with Him, the quicker we'll be able to discern when the Spirit is clearly putting His powerful finger on specific sins in our lives.  And those are the times we need to own our stuff.  

Experience the remorse, confessing every detail of the choices we've made to the One who longs to see us unshackled.  

Ask for and receive the desperately yearned for forgiveness.  

Claim our identity in Christ.  Believe who He says we are.  Redeemed.  Precious.  Beloved.  Priceless.  Forgiven.

Forgive ourselves.

And then move forward in freedom to all He has for us to be, to do.

How much time and energy have we wasted wringing our hands and beating ourselves up?  What opportunities have we missed because we were looking backward instead of upward?

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 
1 John 1:9

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Jesus said, If you hold to my teaching, you really are my disciples.  Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.  So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.
John 8:31, 32 & 36

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

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printable
- Freedom in Christ Ministries -

🍯


Looking upward, my friends.  He is able.  
Linda

2/24 UPDATE
I've relocated my online home-sweet-home to Grace & Space on Substack.  Please come and visit me there!

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Tim & Linda's Christmas Card

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Dear friends here and there, old and newer, online and offline ~

It's kind of nice that there's no Christmas Card Police who come knocking on your door if you don't send a proper card in a pretty envelope with a festive stamp on it.  It's also a bit of relief that we can drop by and say 'hi' online, because I doubt I would have gotten everything written and addressed, stamped and mailed this year.

I know you understand.

All that said, we do appreciate the cards and notes and pictures you're sending our way.  And wish we could shrink the miles and live life together again.  Wouldn't that be fun?!  Those were the days.

This has been a tough year and we are grateful for God's mercy in taking Mom home to be with Him at the end of June.  Not a day goes by that we don't think about her, talk about her, miss her.  She's been a huge part of our daily lives since we moved to the Cape and we're just now starting to figure out who we are without her living close by.  Our deep relief that she is not suffering anymore is matched by the empty space that now remains. 

My sister and her husband moved to the Cape in June.  I'm so happy to have her nearby for the first time since we left home all those decades ago.  We're as different as night and day and she'd be the first to admit that we can make each other crazy but when all is said and done, it means the world even just to have her drop in for a cup of tea.  

As you can see, I'm still writing online.  I think this might be post #1901 but who's counting?  I love it.  In all of life's changes and challenges over the years, the rhythm of writing and posting and cultivating community has been a huge gift God has given that has kept me focused and sane, my comfort zone expanded, and my faith deepened.  I'm grateful.

Tim continues with Habitat and has gotten involved with their Deconstruction Team.  People who are remodeling their kitchens are able to donate their 'old' cabinets to the local Habitat ReStore.  The Team goes to donors' houses, remove the cabinets, and then they're sold and the proceeds go to build more homes.  Good stuff.  Beats falling off a ladder and pretending nothing happened.  But that's a story for another day.

Right now, he's building shelves for our little dining area so I can unpack boxes of fun stuff brought from Poughkeepsie 7 1/2 years ago!  He does beautiful work.  After 46 years, he's a keeper for sure.

I've re-found my niche in co-leading a Stephen Ministry at church.  Since I retired from counseling, something had been missing and so it's giving me a lot of joy to train and mentor gifted, kind-hearted volunteers and help match them up with care receivers who need someone to walk with them through a challenging season.  I've found my sweet spot again and am grateful to team up with such godly, compassionate caregivers.  

Our family usually gets together here in June, at Camp of the Woods in August, and then either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  We wish it was a whole lot more, but it is what it is.  We lost much during Covid that we'll never regain, so when we can be together, it really is the hugest blessing.  With sports and classes and missions trips and work and church stuff and hundreds of miles and 12 people coming and going from Massachusetts to Connecticut to Maryland to South Carolina, it's almost impossible to get everyone in one place anymore.  But we try.  And when it finally comes together, it's like a dream come true.



Kristin and family got five chickens a few months ago and it's been fun to watch from afar and hear the stories that only she can tell.  Her reluctant father joined her in designing and building a chicken coop and since then, their family has been gathering eggs every day.  One afternoon a hawk swooped down and tried to fly off with one of her beloved feathered children.  But the winged predator didn't stand a chance as Kristin ran through the yard screaming and waving her arms like a crazy person.  Such is the life of a vigilant mother hen and her occasionally free-ranging babies.




Jenn and family always have something going on at their house ... at any given moment there could be foster children, a few midshipmen from the Naval Academy, assorted friends, roommates, or relatives joining the family 'round their table for a boisterously delicious meal.  Nothing fazes her and their family is known for their hospitality.  When she's not corralling the troops, she's the Nurse Manager for three Crisis Pregnancy Centers and as ever, has risen to the occasion with her superb caring and organizational skills.  But the highlight of any month is when Lydia returns home from college for a visit.




Well, that's the family rundown.  We're looking forward to being together in a few days.  At 12-19 years old, the grandkiddos are growing in their faith and are the most unique and entertaining people (if I say so myself!)  In fact, they're so delightful that after we celebrate on the 25th, Tim and I will quickly be heading out to sea for a week to recover from all the festivities.

If you want to keep in touch, please subscribe right here and I'll have the great pleasure of showing up in your inbox once or twice a week.  I'd love to have you in my life again.  Truly.

And if you know someone who might have known us along the way, please feel free to share this with them.  

Comfort and Joy, 
Tim and Linda
 



Who's Your Advent Buddy?

Hey gang, it's Advent.  

Tucked right between the lavishness of the Thanksgiving feast and the sheer madness of Cyber Monday, she has gently eased her sacred way on in, longing to claim her rightful place.  A place of stillness, of waiting, of reflection, of hope.  She doesn't jump up and down yelling 'pick me pick me' but she knows that her time to shine is now.  She wants to point us to Jesus. 

It's all about Jesus.

Not the stress inducing shopping insanity, over-the-top decorating, cookie baking marathons, the endless hours spent writing cards and wrapping presents, the jam-packed calendar, incessant jingle bells, or Santa and his mythical elves and flying reindeer.

Jesus.


Three years ago, a new friend invited me to get together each week of Advent.  And so we began, using Sarah Young's Jesus Calling for Christmas.  The reflective devotional readings, favorite Scripture, and the most exquisite winter photography have guided us into a much-needed gentle, quiet rhythm each year since.  

Through family disasters, illness, covid.  The disappointments, the sorrows.  The hard and the crazy, as well as the joyful stuff.

We curled up with our mulled cider yesterday, caught up on all the family doings, and then settled in.  We talked of what it looks like to live abundant, Christ-centered lives while we're in waiting mode.  Of how God has prepared this season of the year, and our lives, with 'the most tender concern and attention to detail.'  Of our need to pay attention with gratitude to what He's doing instead of continuing to revert to our old default modes.

Being thankful.  Even and especially while we wait.

*

Advent is not a solitary observance.  We were never created to do life alone.  We were born for relationship, for community.  Is there a friend you'd like to make space for in this sacred season?  To share Scripture and thoughts and prayer?  It can't hurt to ask.  And no, it's not too late.  

This is the kind of presence we're all longing for.  Often we just don't know it.  Or are scared to ask for it because we've been hurt by being vulnerable in the past and who wants to chance that again?

This is a hard time of year to live a solitary life.  I'm guessing that God might be putting someone on your heart who needs a soft place to land, a hot cup of tea, and this kind of spiritual companionship.  And you know you need to cultivate this for yourself, too.  Maybe it's time to re-connect with someone you've been missing.  Go for it.  He is with you as you reach out.  I promise.

A bit of a benediction for all of us thirsty souls:
May God bless us as we continue our faith walk, becoming more and more like His dear son.  May we not be afraid of the presence of another soul, of quiet conversation, or the depth of the vast spiritual treasures He has for us.  May the Spirit guide us into refreshing new rhythms and deeper grace as He continues to whisper, 'this is the way, walk ye in it' {Isaiah 30:21}.

Linda


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Porch #67 * Nudges Toward Wholeness

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Hello again, dear over-our-heads over-wrought friends (or those who've been there, done that)!

Welcome back to the final piece of our little burnout series.  If you missed the first two parts, here you go:


Today's nudge toward wholeness could look like some kind of to-do list ... and the danger is thinking if we check all the boxes all will be well.  But life isn't linear and most of these practices or rhythms take time to cultivate and bear fruit.  

Consider these suggestions as hugs of hope, doses of sanity, and nudges toward wholeness.  

* And thanks to my dear friend, Debby Hudson, for these soothing, inspirational images.


NAME IT
Stop ignoring what is true about where you are.  Speak it right out loud.  Write it down.  Hearing your weary voice utter raw truth and seeing it scrawled in black and white allows you to name what ails you, see how it's impacting your reality, and offers you a wide open invitation to choose your next steps.

I am  _____________  and it's left me feeling  _______________.  I am making the choices to  _______________,  _______________,  and  _______________  so my body, mind, and soul can be strengthened. 


BODY
You're craving comfort food, but all those carbs and sugar will do nothing but drag your already taxed body lower.  Surround yourself with the real stuff like fruit and vegetables and eggs and groceries that don't have an ingredient list that's as long as your arm.  Display the healthy stuff front and center in your fridge and cupboards.  Put the junk somewhere inaccessible to you.  Aim for 6 - 8 glasses of water each day.

Move your body.  Get outdoors.  Walk or bike or hike or run after the dog.  Stretch or dance or lift some weights.

Sleep is not an option.  It's imperative, it's life-giving, it's healing.  Curl up and take an afternoon nap.  Or go to bed a half hour earlier.  If this is an ongoing challenge, there's probably a medical component going on and your doctor should know this is plaguing you.

How is stress impacting your body?
 

BOUNDARIES 
Please don't allow people to send you on a guilt trip or make you feel like you're obligated to give extensive reasons for the choices you make.  Wisdom is knowing when to say yes and when to say no.  When to take a sabbatical, when to get a replacement, when to decline an attractive invitation or a long-awaited opportunity. 

It's easy to become so immersed in tending to everyone and everything that we unknowingly begin to neglect our own precious bodies, minds, and souls.  Yes, we're called to love others as we love ourselves {Matthew 22:39}, but we often forget that the 'love ourselves' mandate gives us the grace and the fuel to effectively reach out to those around us.

Where do you need to set up some boundaries?


UNPLUG
We're obsessed, we're addicted.  Social media's many attractive tentacles can easily breed an exhausting spin cycle.  Comparison, dissatisfaction, jealousy, FOMO {fear of missing out}, and feeling 'less than' all combine to create an endless toxic striving which can easily morph into an unhealthy anxiety.  Our society has created a culture where we are always on, always available.  There is no rest for our minds, leaving us with no space just to be still. 

What would unplugging look like for you? 


EMBRACE
Solitude that feeds our thirsty souls is one thing.  Isolation is a whole other ball game. Morphing into a hermit benefits no one and invites depression to come join you.  Begin to re-create focused time with those you love.  Chances are they've been missing you.  Tell people what you need ... it might just be an occasional quiet companion to keep you company.  

Who are you missing?


SOUL
Pray yourself awake in the morning and pray yourself to sleep at night.  Unpack your heavy load with the One who has borne your griefs and carried your sorrows.  And in the process, pray for another soul.  You won't have to look far to find someone in even worse shape than you are.

Read a simple Psalm, sitting reflectively with the Psalmist and the One who ministers to our deepest hurts.  Or check out Elijah's story of spiritual battle, physical depletion, and emotional exhaustion ... and glean from his recovery story in 1 Kings 18 - 19.

Keep a little gratitude journal, writing down three simple things you're thankful for each day.  Counting your blessings and giving thanks is not overrated.  It's a lifeline ... and has the power to refocus you when anxiety and fear come to call. 

Music touches the deepest part of who you are, your soul.  Pull together your favorites, maybe create your own playlist.  Start singing again.

Which soul care practice is calling your name? 


SABBATH
We've lost the beauty of this lifeline along the way, either looking at this biblical mandate as far too rigid or unapplicable for today.  Two of my favorite iron-sharpen-iron women talk about this delightful, life-giving invitation ... Emily Freeman and Ruth Haley Barton are the real deal.  Listen in and download the transcript right here. 

What is God inviting you to?

I'm praying as each of us consider which of these these hugs of hope, doses of sanity, and nudges toward wholeness we need to discover ... or re-claim ... or share with others.  And, as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your stories and suggestions. 
Linda

Compassion Fatigue * Part 1

someone you know needs to read this
* please forward *

💔

"Caregivers and ministry leaders are not only susceptible to increased levels of stress ... when combined with a call to love and serve others, the result is what is commonly referred to as compassion fatigue. 

Compassion fatigue can be understood as a comprehensive exhaustion that takes place over time when one is constantly in the 'giving' position and, as a result, loses his/her ability and motivation to experience joy, satisfaction, or feel and care for others. 

It is sometimes referred to as secondary or vicarious traumatic stress associated with the emotional residue related to the cause of caring.  The traumatic event or crisis did not happen to you directly, but you were close enough to those it did impact that its detrimental effects can still have a causal outcome."


Most of us can make our way through tough times and emerge relatively unscathed.  It doesn't mean we're not worn out or sad but we do make it through.  We've felt God's presence and give thanks it's over and done with.  We put up our feet for a bit, re-charge, and then we're on our way no worse for wear.

But then there's the trials that go on longer, their impact is deeper, and nothing is wrapped up in three easy steps.  There seems to be no relief in sight because everywhere we turn, something urgent pops up that demands our attention and we slowly but surely begin to get a bit crispy around the edges. 

Overwhelmed.  Frazzled.  Exhausted.  Running on empty.

A sense of numbness slowly creeps into every crevice.  Joy, passion, zeal, and purpose fade to a distant memory.  The weariness is soul-deep, tomorrow seems daunting, and God somehow seems further away than we can ever remember.

Hello compassion fatigue.  Burnout.  Ministry fatigue syndrome.  

Call it what you want, this body/mind/soul level exhaustion is sadly alive and well in the church among the people of God.  It was always there but covid did us no favors.  This level of fatigue impacts every level of our lives and left unacknowledged and unattended, its relentless tentacles reach deep into our health, relationships, decision-making, ministries, everything.

Ministry leader.  Health professional.  Griever.  Pastor.  Therapist.  Church staffer.  Teacher.  Ministry volunteer.  People helper.  Director of this or chairman of that.  Family member.  Job hunter.  Chronic health sufferer.

Let's talk.  That's where the healing starts.
Linda



Please Note - If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, please contact your doctor for an evaluation.

IN CRISIS?
CALL 911
tell them it is a mental health
emergency & you would
like a CCIT or CIT 
trained officer
OR
988 Suicide & Crisis Hotline
CALL or TEXT
988
OR
go immediately to your local 
hospital emergency room

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4 Life-Changing Relationship Books

- please forward to a bookish friend -



Hey Dear Reading Buddies!

If you joined me in front of my bookshelves and told me I could pick only four titles focused on building healthier relationships, these are the ones I'd reach for.

In a heartbeat.

The great thing about these selections is that they are all-purpose.  They're not one-facet volumes that solely focus on friendship or marriage or parenting or the workplace or the ministry arena.  Their messages are applicable for wherever you find yourself and whatever challenges you're facing.

They're like literary role models, perceptive companions to point us toward a wiser way to live, both relationally and spiritually.


Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
~ Henry Cloud & John Townsend
I can't think of one person that couldn't use a bit of help when it comes to the whole issue of boundaries.  None of us has arrived.  This is the book I've recommended most to clients over the years.  A readable, practical, must-read for sure, having sold millions of copies.

Love, love, love this book, these Christian psychologists, and their series of Boundaries books that followed this game-changing classic.
Kindle - $12.99


The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It
~ Leslie Vernick
When you begin to read Leslie's wise words, you'll thank God that someone's finally putting a name to the sometimes subtle yet always devastating travesty of abuse.  Leslie hits the nail on the head, naming sinful relational patterns in all their various forms, and guides the reader toward sanity, hope, and freedom.

Biblical, enlightening, straight talk.  You might be surprised at what you discover.
Kindle - $11.39


The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction
~ Adam McHugh
Not too far into Adam's pages, attentive readers get a wake-up call as we begin to realize how seldom we truly listen to the hearts of others.

He writes, 'The question that drives this book is, how would our relationships change, and how would we change, if we approached every situation with the intention of listening first?  What if we approached our relationship with God as listeners?  What if we viewed our relationship with nature as one of listening?  What if we approached our relationships using our ears rather than our mouths?  What if we sought to listen to our emotions before we preached to them?'

This, a simply splendid soul-searching adventure, ended up as one of Christianity Today's 2017 Books of the Year, and one of my all time favorites.  Go ahead and buy a crate of them for everyone on this year's Christmas list.
Kindle - $14.99


The Bible
Since way back in 1989, I've been using the same NIV Study Bible.  Held together by layers of clear packing tape, the leather is cracked and worn ... and it remains one of my most prized possessions.  Some of the pages are stained from spills and tears, and many margins are filled with notes from godly pastors, teachers, and professors God has brought into my life over the years.

When it comes to relationships, learning how to love God and others well, understanding the virtues of forgiveness and grace and kindness ... no other book will ever come close to the Holy Scriptures.

The sacred, precious truth of God's Word stands forever.


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BOOKISH LINKS
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Michelle Van Loon

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A trick for when you're stuck in a reading rut
Anne Bogel

5 Unexpected Reasons Every Leader Should Be a Reader
Carey Nieuwhof

Books Around America: Uncover the Books Set Nearest to You
Crossword Solver

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E-BOOK DEALS
Fictional classics, devotional companions, relationship guides ... and more!  Click here to scroll through 50+ titles selected for our little online community.  Chances are you'll discover a gem or two.

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Linda

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