Tuesday, June 6, 2023

My Sister & I Don't See Eye to Eye on Family Gatherings

Got a family event coming up or know someone who does?  Feel free to forward this ... share on social, too!
subscribe here

πŸ’Œ

Summertime opens its doors wide for get-togethers, gatherings, reunions, and all manner of crowd pleasers.

We're no exception in this neck of the woods.

I completely avoid the word entertaining.  Yuck.  No one's trying to impress anyone around here.  We just want everyone to kick off their shoes {toss them in the big wicker basket so grandma doesn't trip}, relax, and enjoy whatever's happening.

Father's Day has become the annual event where relations from far and near come to the Cape for a {very} extended weekend.

I love it.

But this introvert learned long ago that not only do I need to have clean sheets on the beds and extra food in the fridge, but I do well to ready my soul for the joy-filled noise and ceaseless activity and all manner of good times that are to come.

I need to build in quiet spaces before, during, and after.

πŸ’Œ

This works for me:
I clear my calendar.
I purposely create a large margin of white space around myself a week or so before everyone starts arriving.  I say 'no thanks' to meetings, activities, and appointments that don't need my attendance or involvement.

I pull back online. 
I might do a bit of writing but you won't find me running around.  I'll see you later.

I stock the cupboards well ahead of time.  
Amazon and Walmart have become my grocery free-delivery go-to's.  The final shopping trip will pretty much be fresh produce, meat, breads, and dairy, enough to get us through the first few days.  After that, all bets are off and the kids can figure out what they want to do next.

I clear away unnecessary tchotchkes from counters and tables.
We need every spare inch of space we can find.

I save the heavy duty cleaning for after everyone has departed.
My philosophy has morphed into 'why clean twice.'  Yes, the bathroom is scrubbed and the sheets are fresh but any other cleaning comes after the last car has departed.

I let everyone around me roll up their sleeves in the kitchen.
I used to think I had to be in charge of each meal.  No more.  Everyone around here is a whole lot more capable than I am.  I let them do their thing.  And no one arrives at the door empty-handed.  I'm not that gracious.

I find pockets of solitude in the midst of it all.
I'll sneak away for a little quiet time.  Or head to my room for a bit of an afternoon breather.  No one needs to have me around every second.  I've yet to hear, 'where's Grandma, I miss her so much.'

I leave myself plenty of quiet space after.
My husband and I join forces for a huge cleaning marathon when all is done.  The kitchen, laundry, floors, and bathrooms get attacked with all our might.  Before the last car is 'round the corner.

And then we nap.  Sit and quietly process all the joy and madness.  And then nap some more.

πŸ’Œ

But {of course} my sister completely disagrees:
I get ready for family gatherings totally opposite than my sister. 

My calendar is not cleared, it is packed with activity until the last minute, otherwise I will find I have those "forgotten" things to do while people are here or I am at their house. 

I spend days and nights cleaning before a group arrives, so everything is clean.  Once they leave, I wash sheets and towels, but I don't rush to clean anything else - it can wait. 

I agree that everyone can bring food and help set up and clean up.  They have more energy than me anyway! 

I don't take alone time when everyone is here.  I don't want to miss one minute.  It is noisy, at times chaotic, but I will catch Linda's eye across the room and we smile, happy to have everyone together, remembering past reunions and realizing that we are now the older generation.  I look around the room, thank God for everyone there - with all our differences and all our struggles - then I walk into the bathroom, close the door and cry for those family members missing or who are in heaven. 

When I return to the room, I catch Linda's eye and we hug - though so different from each other, we don't need words to understand the meaning of family.

πŸ’Œ

I was scrolling through old posts this week and this 2019 gem couldn't be more timely.  Needless to say, my sister was the first to leave a comment and I knew even back then that someday we'd join forces and roll this all into what you're reading today.

If you're planning any kind of event, enjoy the whole shebang, no matter how you make it happen.  No one will notice the dust bunnies in the corner or cobwebs draped here and there.  And if they do, well that's another story.  Relax, be a kid again, and create fresh memories.  For these are the good old days.
Linda

πŸ’Œ
Paula & Jeanne & Donna & Richella & Lisa
thank you

36 comments:

  1. Love this❤️

    * subscriber email response

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, we resonate on this, don't we. Enjoy your family gathering and make some wonderful memories, friend ...
      ❤️

      Delete
  2. I think I am more like you in strategy and mindset. Especially the buying and the cleaning. I’m behind you in stepping back from kitchen diva, but I see the wisdom and need to embrace it.

    It occurred to me that I have no idea what my sister’s approach is because we have seen so little of each other over the years. We’re planning a trip to Alaska this summer to rectify that situation. Seems surreal…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh any remnants of any kitchen diva days are long gone. But I never had the kitchen acumen that you have, girl, so I can see that it might be a challenge.

      But Alaska?!!!!

      Oh yes. You'll never forget your time in that awesome slice of God's creation. And to see your sister again. Wow. Thank You, Jesus, for the plans You've already spun into place.

      Delete
  3. I was not expecting this blog! As I sit here reading it, I thought this sounds like me, until I realized that I had wrote a few years ago! I'm sitting here with tears running down my face, realizing still how different my sister and I are, but how much we understand each other. Our combined families, 21 in all, will be arriving and even though I have tried to clear my schedule from work, my schedule is filled with meetings until people arrive. No quiet time to read and gather strength, no white space and once they all leave, no time to sit and reflect. Life is different depending each person and what season of life you are in. It doesn't make one right or wrong, just different - it helps when we accept that and enjoy the times we are all together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just sent a comment to our blog and forgot to sign my name so it will show up anonymous. You can change it and put my name on it.

      Delete
    2. I love you, Mah. I'm so thankful to have a sister and am so so happy that you live nearby. It's made this first year as 'orphans' so much more bearable.
      πŸ’‘

      Delete
  4. Sounds like you all have this down to a science! Enjoy your family time! It sounds awesome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it all looks great on paper ...' til the first car pulls up and its occupants run through the gardens to the house, fling the kitchen door open, and cascade on in!
      πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  5. There certainly be peace and tranquility, and lots of happy moments, in the chaos of family reunions, Linda. Like you, I find that momentary retreats from it all keeps me strong and steady during those times, especially when daughter's family comes to visit. I love every minute they are here and miss them like crazy when they're gone. Memories made are priceless!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'I love every minute they are here and miss them like crazy when they're gone. Memories made are priceless!'

      Exactly. Beautifully said, Martha. I hope you'll enjoy some grandma time in the not too distant future.
      πŸ₯°

      Delete
  6. Thanks for sharing BOTH of your styles of welcoming family and friends to your homes. It's always good to know both can coexist peacefully. I'm the one who keeps everyone talking so it works best if I have food prepared ahead or my husband is excellent at manning the kitchen. This works the best for us. These days it's easier for me to slip off in the evening for some needed quiet time. Our family is so spread out it seems out gatherings are smaller but we welcome the times we can be together. - Debby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I love a man in the kitchen!
      πŸ‘¨‍🍳

      Delete
  7. Linda, I loved this post. Planning and organizing before company arrives is my jam too. You are wise to give yourself mental and emotional space to process and prepare before and after guests are in your home! I loved hearing your sister's perspective too. My husband if fabulous at helping out with cleaning before and after. He's also got a gift for seeing peoples' needs and meeting them almost without them noticing. He blesses me more than I can put words to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'He's also got a gift for seeing peoples' needs and meeting them almost without them noticing.' Yes, Jeanne. Every group that gathers whether family, friends, church, or community need more servant-hearted people like your husband. They don't call attention to themselves, they listen and they observe, quietly aware of what's really going on ... and then not making a great big deal as they respond appropriately. Love this.
      πŸ”Ž

      Delete
  8. I'm with your sister on cleaning ahead of time. I used to practically spring-clean everything, but I have scaled back from that. I enjoy the fruits of that even after they are gone, though of course there's some degree of picking-up and laundry and such afterward.

    But I'm like you in needing little quiet solitary pockets throughout the visit. Thankfully, everyone in our immediate family is like that to some degree, so no one takes offense.

    I also need margins in the calendar before and after a big visit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's interesting listening to grandchildren and discovering they feel the same, they just didn't know how to say it. They breathe a sigh of relief when they find out it's perfectly fine to enjoy a bit of quiet time in the middle of the hoopla. And you're so right, Barbara, no one should be taking offense.

      Not everybody's a party animal ...
      πŸ₯³

      Delete
  9. This is not meant to sound like a sad comment but truthful: At least you have family who gets together. With 2 brothers in PA, one in Washington (state) and us in Indiana getting together is pretty much a non-entity. I am the only one who is still working so the weekends are out for me since you know what I do. I'm not complaining. Jealous maybe? :) Enjoy the reunion. Next year will be different.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I was thinking about that when writing, that not everybody has a family who gets together and some of us have no families at all to speak of. I'm trusting that God brings us into families in our churches, in our neighborhood. I've experienced how He does that.

      I hope/pray today that He will do that for you. P.S. It's ok to be jealous. That's where you are and I know you won't stay there too long, friend.
      πŸ˜‰

      Delete
  10. How I wish the days of gathering all together would be possible! Family scattered here and there…too many miles between! Grandchildren grown…some married or expecting to be this year..,our first great grandchild…all too far away! I cherish the times when the door opens and two or three join us for a couple of days.
    I clean and shop and prep ahead what I can…so grateful to have them here. I’ll clean again after they leave…and yes…cry as they go…and then breathe again.
    Enjoy your reunion, Linda! Hugs to you and them. ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reading your words made me smile ... not because our families are so far apart and we don't see them as much as we'd like, but because I remember your warm, energetic hospitality way back in the day. The way you guys opened your home and your hearts to us, to our girls. You were such a huge part of our lives in that season and recalling some of those memories are making me smile even as we speak.

      Love you, Carole.
      πŸ’ž

      Delete
    2. How we miss those days. Love you, too, Linda…❤️❤️❤️

      Delete
  11. These ARE the good old days, especially for the younger set who will look back fondly on the "perfections" of these times together NOW, just as we look back on times past with our grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and perhaps an adopted relative or two. Every so often I remind myself: we're making memories here. And I pray our grandchildren will remember love, joy, security, and contentment--all emanating from God our Father through the rest of the family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'And I pray our grandchildren will remember love, joy, security, and contentment--all emanating from God our Father through the rest of the family.'

      What can I say, Nancy, except an amen. Oh yes, for sure. Isn't that what we're all craving ...
      ✝️

      Delete
  12. Sounds like you have a wonderful time with your family! It's such a great idea to all come together for Father's Day since it's a time that most people are completely free for unlike other holidays (except we law enforcement officer families who never know when we'll be free lol!). I found you over on Sweet Tea & Friends Link Up. I'd love to have you come share on Crafty Creators Link Party (Thurs-Mon) & Happiness is Homemade (Sun-Thurs) on LifeasaLEOWife.com! I hope that you have a fabulous time with your family!
    Niki | Life as a LEO Wife

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NIki, it's so good to meet you today. I will be dropping by to see you ... probably later than sooner. Looking forward to it!
      πŸ‘

      Delete
  13. Our life was once quite arty,
    an oasis of cool grace,
    but now each day's a party,
    and critters run the place.
    The Wolf is bouncing on the bed, Chihuahuas clatter 'cross the floor,
    and Henry's used his boulder-head
    to conquer the screen door.
    The cat stalks past with some disdain
    on silent padded feet,
    while Labby sets his Labby-brain
    to find something to eat
    and heelers nip eyes a-shine
    to try to keep the crew in line.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've left smiles in your wake this week, friend, especially for all those animal lovers out there ...
      🐸

      Delete
  14. Linda, love your view on having guests and family celebrations. I TOTALLY agree, BUT then I find myself becoming your sister...UGH.

    Thanks also for the kind shout out to my blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it fascinating how each of us responds to life in our own unique ways?!
      🀷‍♀️

      Delete
  15. It's good to know who we are and how we best function before, during, and after a family reunion, Linda, then all goes well for us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. Let's just be our best selves for each other. And if that means slipping off for quiet moments, by all means let's do that.
      πŸ₯±

      Delete
  16. I love how you are celebrating your differences, here Linda!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No one right way to do this, right?!
      πŸ˜‰

      Delete
  17. Linda, I've got to tell you and your sister that this warmed my heart today.
    Thank you so very much for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh that's sweet to say, Paula. Thank you.
      πŸ’

      Delete