Tuesday, February 9, 2021

Of flowers, chocolate, and relationships on Valentine's Day

My cousin Carol died two days after Christmas 2019 after a long, agonizing battle with cancer.  We grew up together and then our lives went in different directions.  She became a nurse, a wife, a missionary to Equador, a mom.  Her first grandbaby was born just a few months after she went home to be with the Lord she faithfully loved and served.

Carol was one of the most gracious, loveliest, positive, gently strong souls I've known, loved ... and respected.  I felt blessed that in our 'older' years we were often able to re-connect at Camp in the summertime with what seemed to be a million of our closest relatives.

Her husband, Mark, wrote this piece this week and has very graciously allowed me to share it with you.

Trust me, you would have absolutely loved her, too.



"I don’t want to give her flowers, because I don't want to give her a heart attack!"

This was the mantra from Carol's dad about Carol's mom every time I bought flowers for Carol when we were dating.  But I knew that Carol’s mom loved flowers, she took extra care of Carol’s flower arrangements, making certain they were watered and the wilted petals removed.

I am pretty sure that Carol’s mom and dad had a silent agreement, save the money on flowers and bank it for the future.

But that being the case, there was no such limit with chocolate.   

I remember all kinds of chocolates in their house on holidays, and my wife’s love for the dark chocolate variety was a finely honed taste of the best that could be had within our budget.  She loved all things chocolate, whether it was triple chocolate cake, dark chocolate Dove hearts, or simple dark C bars from Aldi’s.

I liked having fresh flowers, roses preferred, in the house, and the best time to bring them home was when there was no reason to do so, no offence committed, and brought just to brighten the day. 

Thinking through the days lately and those coming up, I still think, “I need to get flowers,” but then I realize it isn't to be. 

My new normal is different now, but relationships still have great importance.

As I think about it, I realize that although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for.   And I can be thankful for my family, a good day, good health, and the energy I need to keep moving forward.

We celebrate relationships because we need them.  And those relationships need us.  Let us be thankful and grateful.  I encourage you to get un-busy, and celebrate your relationships.

Mark said it so very well.

'I realize that although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for.'

Maybe we best honor those we've lost by deeply cherishing the ones who are still here with us ... and letting them clearly know that they are loved.  

Linda

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50 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post. Carol sounds like someone I would definitely would love as a friend.

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    1. She was the best, most focused listener ever. She looked you in the eye like you were the only person in the world and asked questions that showed she cared.

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  2. Linda, this was such a beautiful post. I am so sorry you lost your cousin/friend. Carol sounds like she was an amazing woman. Having a recent loss in our family, these words resonated today. And, yes to chocolate never being too much of an extravagance.

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    1. Praying for you and yours right now, Jeanne. A great loss is heart-wrenching at any time. And I'm thinking even more so in this ongoing pandemic.

      He whispers peace ...

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  3. They are not really gone, you know,
    those we loved, called friend;
    they simply had just now to go
    around a further bend
    that takes the traveller from our sight
    and from our mortal ken,
    but they're bathed now in brighter light
    and wait a-smile for when
    they hear our shy soft footfall
    that mark the path they trod,
    and seeing us they shout and call
    to Jesus and to God,
    and all the saints will be invited
    to see the loved ones reunited.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this, Andrew. Are you the poet? This expresses so beautifully our hope in Jesus, including the brighter light our deceased loved ones now enjoy and the day of reunification yet to come!

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    2. Nancy, thank YOU. Yeah, I'm the poet...this was written specifically for Linda's post today.

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    3. And maybe one of the most beautifully you've penned, Andrew?

      So filled with hope and anticipation.

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    4. Linda, I'm at the tip of the spear...you now how when you're falling asleep, there's a feeling of falling, and a kind of reduced consciousness?

      Now I'm falling 'up', and consciousnes is heightened. It calls to 'meeting Jesus in the air', but that is NOT the reality of this experience; there is no Scriptural attatchment.

      I'm just falling up, and content that it is so.

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    5. Falling up. Yes, I hear you, Andrew. The Holy Spirit stays with you ... you are not alone.

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  4. Please accept my sincerest condolences. Praying for you all.

    God bless.

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  5. Such a moving piece, Linda. Thank you for sharing this, and by doing so, reminding us to cherish the loved ones who are still with us.
    Blessings!

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    1. It's so easy for grief to swallow those left behind alive. Even as we move through the valley, we need those we love to travel with us in the ways that are most comforting and encouraging ...

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  6. Such a heart-touching post, Linda. I love Mark's forward looking attitude toward what he can do to celebrate Carol in the here and now, to enjoy the relationships that remain. Beautiful. P.S. Where in Ecuador did they serve? I worked as a short-termer (4 1/2 months) at HCJB in Quito eons ago.

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  7. Thank you for sharing Mark’s letter, Linda. I certainly can relate and agree with him. I will always miss my beloved husband, but cherishing my children, grandchildren and friends is so very important.
    Thank you for visiting my blog. You’re so kind. ❤️

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    1. I'm grateful that you've been able to relate to Mark's post, Kitty ... I'm guessing as intimately as only a bereaved spouse can.

      Thank you for sharing your own loss with us. I'm praying for you as I tap away here.

      Bless you.

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  8. Linda, your cousin Carol must have been so lovely. Thank you for sharing Mark’s heart touching thoughts. We should cherish what we still have~

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    1. I'm so grateful he agreed to share his thoughts with this community!

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  9. Thank you for sharing Mark's story of love, loss and continuing on.

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    1. Lauren, thank you. We do continue on, don't we ...

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  10. I'm so sorry you lost such a dear cousin/friend, Linda. And Mark a dear wife. Thank him for allowing you to share this. Such grace he was given to say, "As I think about it, I realize that although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for." Love and blessings to you!

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    1. Yes, grace to share such wisdom. Amazing, really!

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  11. This was so precious! I love how Mark emphasized getting un-busy and celebrating the relationships that we still have. Such very good advice! Time with our loved ones and friends is so much more important than all the busy things that take too much of our time. Thank you for sharing Mark's letter and blessings to all of you.

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    1. Patty, thanks!

      Sometimes we become so identified with our grief that it becomes incredibly difficult to notice what God is blessing us with right now ...

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  12. Wow. So full of heart and real! "Get un-busy and celebrate your relationships." I am taking that advise to heart! Thank you for thinking of us and sharing this to your blogging friends.

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    1. I had a hunch that Carol and Mark's story would be meaningful for us to reflect on.

      I think she'd be surprised but pleased!

      And your post about being single on Valentine's Day was beautiful ... I think my comment might have gotten lost in the shuffle but I wanted you to know how meaningful your thoughts were -
      https://lynnjsimpson.com/being-single-on-valentines-day/

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  13. That's the sentence that stands out to me the most as well: "although I had lost one relationship, I have many others to celebrate and be thankful for." I need to stop my pity party about what I don't have and rejoice in the things I still do have. Thanks, Linda!

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    1. How serendipitous that I was writing to you at the same time you were writing to me!

      Lovely when that happens!

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  14. I wrote tomorrow's blog on the very same subject. What a gift God has given us with our relationships!
    Blessings, My Friend!

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    1. I'm gonna head on over there and check it out right now, Lulu!

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  15. I love the beauty of how his future in-laws celebrated in the daily - and how he and his wife had their own way of celebrating their relationship - the beauty and grace of a couple failing in love and building home! Such encouragement that Thankfulness for God's blessings is how we move forward after such a loss. I am so sorry for the loss in your family!

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    1. Beauty and grace.

      This describes Carol to a T. And it makes me smile ...

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  16. I'm sorry for your loss, Linda. Thankful for your memories and the hope we have in Him.

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  17. It's key in our relationships to find out how the ones we love FEEL loved and appreciated. Once we know their love languages, we can love them well, whether it's flowers, quality time, affection, acts of service, or anything else!

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    1. Anita - what if we have LOTS of love languages?

      ;-}

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  18. I am slowly making some friends since our major move. Already had two ladies over for lunch and got one coming next week. Because of our ministry we are always in the listening mode so I ache for someone to listen to me, no counsel needed, just a good listening hear that speaks louder than words. With each move, each leaving a close friend God always has provided a new friend, someone that knows how to give and not just take. so sorry about your friend. I have a couple in heaven.

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    1. Betty, oh yes, this --> 'Because of our ministry we are always in the listening mode so I ache for someone to listen to me, no counsel needed'

      I wish every church goer and every pew sitter, would take your incredibly spot on statement to heart when it comes to our pastors, missionaries, ministry leaders.

      What a gift to give another soul.

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  19. beautiful post and love that last line, Good reminder!

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  20. I understand the pain of loss & grief but also the joy of beautiful memories that are forever alive in my heart. Yes, celebrate the relationships we have now for life is very short!
    Blessings,
    Jennifer

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    1. Yes, Jennifer, you've modeled this well for us. I admire you so ... and pray extra blessings on you this Valentine's Weekend.

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  21. My heart goes out to people who have lost a loved one, especially in seasons like this. What a sweet attitude Mark has, to concentrate on the relationships he has while still missing his wife.

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    1. I find it interesting ... and possible ... that we can do both. Grieve and celebrate love at the same time.

      Not that it's easy, but by His grace alone.

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