Friday, February 10, 2023

Porch #78 * What's Your Love Language?

a soft place to land
a calm weekend haven
a gentle pause from life's busyness
so we may experience
the tender lovingkindness of Jesus
as we do life together
in community


Hey All,

Here we are with Valentine's Day looming over the horizon.  Young or old, single or married, this is a day you'll dread, shrug off, or look forward to.  No matter where you're coming from, I hope you'll sense a spirit of warmth, acceptance, and community here.  And that maybe you'll find something that will speak to your heart, especially if it's worn or tattered or downright broken.

When it comes to building healthy relationships, Dr. Gary Chapman is the man, the creator of the five love languages.  A well known Christian author and counselor, his work has impacted faith, psychology, and culture worldwide for decades. 

Here we go.


Seldom do a husband and wife have 

the same primary emotional love language.  

We tend to speak our primary love language, 

and we become confused when our spouse 

does not understand what we are communicating.  

We are expressing our love, but the message 

does not come through because we are speaking 

what, to them, is a foreign language. 

Ignoring our partner's love language 

is like ignoring the needs of a garden: 

if we don't weed, water, or fertilize, 

it will die a slow death.
Dr. Gary Chapman

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Random thoughts ... 

*  Love languages aren't just for couples or grown ups.  They're for any of us who do life in the company of others.  This kind of emotional intelligence impacts how we parent and grandparent.  There are lessons into how we more appropriately could do ministry and effectively relate to others in general.  

*  It's far too easy when a loved one shares their love language to say 'well, that's not who I am' and refuse to do the work it takes to learn to love that person in ways that are meaningful to them.  That attitude is a cop out that tells them you don't see the relationship important enough for you to go there.  This is a message you really don't want to send.  

*  It's not about how convenient or comfortable it is for you, it's about building up and encouraging the ones you love in ways that will be especially meaningful for them.  And if we're Christ-followers, He gives us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).  So we have no excuses.

*  If our parents didn't understand or speak our love language, does it make us hungrier for that language later in life?

*  Social media types, bloggers, online influencers - are we unknowingly searching for words of affirmation with our emphasis on likes and shares, followers and comments?

*  If we can't find the soul level affection we're craving, how can that propel us to discover that treasure in relationship with Christ? 

*  I'm shooting a text to my extended family members.  I want to find out what their primary love languages are.  Shame on me for not already knowing.  The results?
acts of service

physical touch

quality time 

words of affirmation

swedish fish/twizzlers

i don't know

Of flowers, chocolates, and relationships
on Valentine's Day

Here's 7 Ways You Can
Show More Respect at Home

63 Love Notes


There will never be words to describe
His overwhelming, never-ending love

Let's talk about your experiences with love languages ~

I'm so glad you're here.
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Paula & Jeanne & Donna & Richella & Lisa

vintage cards by 
Susan Holt Simpson 

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  1. Isn't it interesting that we all have different love languages? I am a giver so acts of service is right at the top for me. Have a great weekend!

    1. We are all so incredibly complex, unique ... and precious in His sight. I'm so grateful!

  2. Danny and I seem to connect in a variety of love languages, Linda. I do know he needs verbal as well as physical affirmation, as I do. I'm going to keep all of this in mind, though, going forward, especially when I do get the opportunity to interact with my grandchildren in person in the future. I will be more awake and aware when it comes to showing them authentic love that speaks to their hearts.
    Blessings, and Happy Valentine's!

    1. I realized in the writing of this how little I know of my own family. I was surprised at some of the responses. I'm hoping maybe I can love a little better in the days ahead. We're always in a learning curve, aren't we.

      Happy weekend, friend.

  3. Fascinating! We’re as different as can be! And called to love one another—What an assignment!

    1. May it be a fun and fulfilling assignment, not a drag or a 'should.'

      Stay cozy up there, girl!

  4. 1 Corinthians 13 is such a great chapter describing love. Yes, we are all different but we are called to love as Jesus loves. An insurmountable task without His help. Thankfully, He's always with us! Blessings to you! I'm a neighbor at #Grace&Truth.

    1. Gayl, you're so right, the whole idea could feel insurmountable without Him loving others through us. I'm so glad He's the author of loving generously.

      Bless you.

  5. Love languages mean naught to me,
    it all seems too much work.
    I'd really rather watch TV;
    does that mean I'm a jerk?
    Won't order wife to bring me beer,
    I ain't that kinda bear,
    but if with Bud she does appear,
    I'll leave a sip to share.
    Sometimes she will sit to chat,
    and gets a little peeved
    that talk, for me, ain't where it's at
    and she should have believed
    "I really must explain to ya;
    nothing comes 'fore WrestleMania."

    1. I like the idea of leaving a sip to share. Maybe you could use two straws.

  6. My wife's love language is Quality time and words of affirmation. Mine are physical touch and words of affirmation. I use Gary's test in my premarital counseling because I believe it is so vital to know. One can almost tell if one of the mate's is starving for the right love language to be shown. I have also been able to apply this to my daughter's.

    1. Superb idea to use this tool in premarital counseling. It sure would have been a help to us along the way.

  7. You've inspired me, Linda, to observe what love language seems dominant in each of our grandchildren. It's one of the privileges of grandparenting to fill up these precious ones with what each of them need. You're right: love languages aren't just for couples or grown-ups. Now for a bit of humor: Years ago when our son and his future wife were dating, they were at our house and E. (our son) was teasing her. When she laughingly said, "OK! Enough!" he replied, "But you know my love language is pestering!"

    1. Pestering. THAT'S funny.

      Most of us have that down pat!

  8. Enjoyed your Valentine blog............I had to grin at the sweet little Valentines at the beginning.........used to send those as children to friends....

    Indeed, I know the book "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman........and I well recall when it was soooooo popular several years ago.

    I still recall an interview he did with Matt and Laurie Crouch on TBN last year.......... I really enjoy Matt and Laurie's interviews..... and Dr. Chapman sure has a wonderful sense of humor as he frequently used examples from his own marriage.......... and how he tried to determine his wife's love language ..... much different than his............ it was a great hour............... He has helped millions of couples via the book and with his one on one counselling practice.

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    1. I'd love to hear how Chapman figured out his love language. I've found that this kind of work can be a bit of a stretch for some of the male gender.

  9. I had to google "Swedish fish" to find out what they were! I think my grandchildren would say "donuts" are their love language. lol! Yes, it's important to be intentional about loving othersusing their love language. I remember Gary teaching that you can learn a person's love language by observing what they do for you. Do you get Swedish fish and Twizzlers, Linda? :)

    1. Yes, I love that. Donuts as love language! And my husband knows that, for sure! The rest of the family can have their swedish fish and twizzlers. I'll be the one with the huge glazed donut. Comfort food at its best.

  10. love how you are applying this to your family!

    1. I surprised myself. And then I got more of a surprise with their responses.

  11. Linda, words of affirmation have always been high on my list, while Randy values quality time. One daughter is very similar to me, while words actually come in last place for the other. Our differences force me to be more creative about showing love in ways that actually means something to the recipient. :-) I love that you took the time to survey your family members about love languages. My guess is that whoever said Swedish Fish also has the gift of humor?

    1. I only wish I had keyed into this long ago. Maybe I'd have been a more thoughtful sister/daughter/wife/mom/friend ...

      And yes, we've got plenty of jokers in the family. Go figure.

  12. My husband and I don't share the same love language, but as the years have progressed, I see us each making more efforts to speak the others' language, thankfully. :) My primary language is Words of Affirmation and his is Physical Touch. I'm grateful for knowledge such as these categories to help us grow in understanding each other.

    1. 'My husband and I don't share the same love language, but as the years have progressed, I see us each making more efforts to speak the others' language, thankfully.'

      Sounds like our story resonates with yours, Lisa. God is gracious, isn't He ...

  13. I've found the concept of Love Languages to be so helpful in my marriage and family relationships over the years! I'm a Quality Time person, and a couple of my kids are too. My husband is Acts of Service, one of our kids is Gifts, and one is Physical Touch. Once we understood that Gifts and Physical Touch were those two kids' love languages, a whole lot of things made sense! I cracked up at your family member who listed Swedish Fish as their love language - our family love language is definitely coffee!

    1. I wish I had explored this with those I love more in the past. Hoping for some helpful conversations in the days to come. I think I've missed the boat on some important relationships!

      And yes to coffee, Kym! I'm sure that's the lead food item for most families!

  14. Linda, this is great. I've read Garry's book a few times. And it certainly makes sense. And one thing I remember thinking was we can relate it to friend and family relationships. Ps: I love, love the song you featured.
    Thank you so very much for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends February Link up.

    1. For sure, the whole Love Languages series touches every relationship we have. Love that. And congrats on making it through #Write28Days! Phew!