A handful of lessons learned from our kitchen re-do

Hey Friends ~

All your encouraging words before and after this big project have been the wind beneath my wings.  If it wasn't for you, I'd still be sitting there looking helplessly at those dark brown cabinets, the appliances on their last legs, and the sad, worn out flooring.  

And speaking of the wind beneath my wings, I asked my husband what he learned now that we've completed our kitchen re-do.  Tim's a long-time Habitat for Humanity home builder and is exceptionally handy when it comes to trouble-shooting, tinkering, and fixing stuff.  I respect his experience, abilities, and his pro-active smarts.  

Here's what he told me (and I've added my two cents underneath his rather matter of fact statements.) 

1.  Don't get hung up on a few dollars.  Quality matters.
We're always looking for ways to save a buck.  But when it comes to a kitchen or bath, you want to get the best you can afford.  This will involve putting money away well ahead of time, knowing prices, looking out for deals, comparison shopping 'til you drop, and skimping on non-essentials so you can invest in what will matter most in the long run.

We splurged on professionals to paint, lay flooring, and install the backsplash.  We saved money by using leftover wainscoting from other projects, buying the cabinet hardware from Amazon (these and those), and refusing to go with outrageous quotes from hucksters.

2.  You don't have to have it all planned out when you start.
Yes, you have to know where you're going.  Enjoy tearing out pics from magazines, bookmarking online room ideas, or creating a Pinterest board.  If you spot a design detail that brings a smile or a deep sigh of satisfaction, take note, especially if you find yourself repeatedly gravitating to similar elements.  

Refuse to make decisions on every last detail before you begin.  You'll just get frustrated, discouraged, and find yourself dragging your feet.

3.  Start with the cabinets.  The other things you can change your mind on.

The cabinets set the stage for a kitchen.  We were happy to keep ours because they were in decent shape and we refused to change the floor plan.  Once you figure out what you want to do with them, focus next on appliances.  Trust me, everything else will fall into place.

PLUS ...

Educate yourself.  Talk to everyone you know who's survived a kitchen remodel.  Ask where they shopped, what worked for them, who they hired.  Look for professionals with lots of five star reviews and don't be afraid to pick their brains and ask for free estimates.  If they don't respond in a timely manner or they act like they're doing you a big favor, say good-bye. 

In the process be patient with your partner/family.  Be prepared to negotiate with big doses of kindness and give lavish grace when you disagree.  Relationships are always more important than home improvement projects.

Linda  

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The Kitchen Reveal Porch 🥣 #107

Porch #75 * The Shelves Make Their Grand Debut

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How We Saved Six Figures on our Kitchen
The Nester (my all-time favorite home guru)

71 Best Backsplash Ideas for Kitchens
House Beautiful

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Porch #67 * Nudges Toward Wholeness

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Hello again, dear over-our-heads over-wrought friends (or those who've been there, done that)!

Welcome back to the final piece of our little burnout series.  If you missed the first two parts, here you go:

Part 1

Compassion Fatigue

Part 2

Clarify Your Motivation

Today's nudge toward wholeness could look like some kind of to-do list ... and the danger is thinking if we check all the boxes all will be well.  But life isn't linear and most of these practices or rhythms take time to cultivate and bear fruit.  

Consider these suggestions as hugs of hope, doses of sanity, and nudges toward wholeness.  

* And thanks to my dear friend, Debby Hudson, for these soothing, inspirational images.

NAME IT

Stop ignoring what is true about where you are.  Speak it right out loud.  Write it down.  Hearing your weary voice utter raw truth and seeing it scrawled in black and white allows you to name what ails you, see how it's impacting your reality, and offers you a wide open invitation to choose your next steps.

I am  _____________  and it's left me feeling  _______________.  I am making the choices to  _______________,  _______________,  and  _______________  so my body, mind, and soul can be strengthened. 

BODY

You're craving comfort food, but all those carbs and sugar will do nothing but drag your already taxed body lower.  Surround yourself with the real stuff like fruit and vegetables and eggs and groceries that don't have an ingredient list that's as long as your arm.  Display the healthy stuff front and center in your fridge and cupboards.  Put the junk somewhere inaccessible to you.  Aim for 6 - 8 glasses of water each day.

Move your body.  Get outdoors.  Walk or bike or hike or run after the dog.  Stretch or dance or lift some weights.

Sleep is not an option.  It's imperative, it's life-giving, it's healing.  Curl up and take an afternoon nap.  Or go to bed a half hour earlier.  If this is an ongoing challenge, there's probably a medical component going on and your doctor should know this is plaguing you.

How is stress impacting your body?
 

BOUNDARIES 

Please don't allow people to send you on a guilt trip or make you feel like you're obligated to give extensive reasons for the choices you make.  Wisdom is knowing when to say yes and when to say no.  When to take a sabbatical, when to get a replacement, when to decline an attractive invitation or a long-awaited opportunity. 

It's easy to become so immersed in tending to everyone and everything that we unknowingly begin to neglect our own precious bodies, minds, and souls.  Yes, we're called to love others as we love ourselves {Matthew 22:39}, but we often forget that the 'love ourselves' mandate gives us the grace and the fuel to effectively reach out to those around us.

Where do you need to set up some boundaries?

UNPLUG

We're obsessed, we're addicted.  Social media's many attractive tentacles can easily breed an exhausting spin cycle.  Comparison, dissatisfaction, jealousy, FOMO {fear of missing out}, and feeling 'less than' all combine to create an endless toxic striving which can easily morph into an unhealthy anxiety.  Our society has created a culture where we are always on, always available.  There is no rest for our minds, leaving us with no space just to be still. 

What would unplugging look like for you? 

EMBRACE

Solitude that feeds our thirsty souls is one thing.  Isolation is a whole other ball game. Morphing into a hermit benefits no one and invites depression to come join you.  Begin to re-create focused time with those you love.  Chances are they've been missing you.  Tell people what you need ... it might just be an occasional quiet companion to keep you company.  

Who are you missing?

SOUL

Pray yourself awake in the morning and pray yourself to sleep at night.  Unpack your heavy load with the One who has borne your griefs and carried your sorrows.  And in the process, pray for another soul.  You won't have to look far to find someone in even worse shape than you are.

Read a simple Psalm, sitting reflectively with the Psalmist and the One who ministers to our deepest hurts.  Or check out Elijah's story of spiritual battle, physical depletion, and emotional exhaustion ... and glean from his recovery story in 1 Kings 18 - 19.

Keep a little gratitude journal, writing down three simple things you're thankful for each day.  Counting your blessings and giving thanks is not overrated.  It's a lifeline ... and has the power to refocus you when anxiety and fear come to call. 

Music touches the deepest part of who you are, your soul.  Pull together your favorites, maybe create your own playlist.  Start singing again.

Which soul care practice is calling your name? 

SABBATH

We've lost the beauty of this lifeline along the way, either looking at this biblical mandate as far too rigid or unapplicable for today.  Two of my favorite iron-sharpen-iron women talk about this delightful, life-giving invitation ... Emily Freeman and Ruth Haley Barton are the real deal.  Listen in and download the transcript right here. 

What is God inviting you to?

I'm praying as each of us consider which of these these hugs of hope, doses of sanity, and nudges toward wholeness we need to discover ... or re-claim ... or share with others.  And, as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your stories and suggestions. 

Linda

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Compassion Fatigue * Part 1

someone you know needs to read this

* please forward *

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"Caregivers and ministry leaders are not only susceptible to increased levels of stress ... when combined with a call to love and serve others, the result is what is commonly referred to as compassion fatigue. 

Compassion fatigue can be understood as a comprehensive exhaustion that takes place over time when one is constantly in the 'giving' position and, as a result, loses his/her ability and motivation to experience joy, satisfaction, or feel and care for others. 

It is sometimes referred to as secondary or vicarious traumatic stress associated with the emotional residue related to the cause of caring.  The traumatic event or crisis did not happen to you directly, but you were close enough to those it did impact that its detrimental effects can still have a causal outcome."

- Eric Scalise, Ph.D.

Most of us can make our way through tough times and emerge relatively unscathed.  It doesn't mean we're not worn out or sad but we do make it through.  We've felt God's presence and give thanks it's over and done with.  We put up our feet for a bit, re-charge, and then we're on our way no worse for wear.

But then there's the trials that go on longer, their impact is deeper, and nothing is wrapped up in three easy steps.  There seems to be no relief in sight because everywhere we turn, something urgent pops up that demands our attention and we slowly but surely begin to get a bit crispy around the edges. 

Overwhelmed.  Frazzled.  Exhausted.  Running on empty.

A sense of numbness slowly creeps into every crevice.  Joy, passion, zeal, and purpose fade to a distant memory.  The weariness is soul-deep, tomorrow seems daunting, and God somehow seems further away than we can ever remember.

Hello compassion fatigue.  Burnout.  Ministry fatigue syndrome.  

Call it what you want, this body/mind/soul level exhaustion is sadly alive and well in the church among the people of God.  It was always there but covid did us no favors.  This level of fatigue impacts every level of our lives and left unacknowledged and unattended, its relentless tentacles reach deep into our health, relationships, decision-making, ministries, everything.

Ministry leader.  Health professional.  Griever.  Pastor.  Therapist.  Church staffer.  Teacher.  Ministry volunteer.  People helper.  Director of this or chairman of that.  Family member.  Job hunter.  Chronic health sufferer.

Let's talk.  That's where the healing starts.

Linda

Part 2 - Clarify Your Motivation

Part 3 - Nudges Toward Wholeness

Please Note - If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, please contact your doctor for an evaluation.

IN CRISIS?

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I Sent This Note To My People This Week

If you're going through a season of grief or loss, please don't assume that people will know what you need.  Most of us don't have a crystal ball and we err on the side of doing nothing because we're not sure what to say ... or assume that you probably need space.  

Be clear as to what will work for you.  And you'll find that most people will be eager to come alongside and help you carry your load.

We were created to do life in the company of others.  Even if we have nothing to offer in return except a tearful 'thanks.' 

A few days ago, I sent the note below to several ministry groups I'm a part of.  The variety of warm and lovely responses I've received have re-filled my rapidly emptying cup and reminded me again of Christ's steady, strengthening presence in the midst of weakness and sorrow.  To say I'm grateful would be a huge understatement.

God speaks through the lovingkindness of His people.  And we all get blessed in the process.

Dear Friends ~

Mom continues on her long trip Homeward.  The ups and downs of her decline have really thrown me ... this month after month process has been like a rollercoaster ride in slow motion.  I am emotionally shot even while spiritually at peace.  

 

I would so appreciate your prayers for our family.  And to hear from you would mean so much to me as we sit with her day in and out.  It is isolating and stressful ... and honestly, I have nothing to offer in return. 

 

Thanks for letting me be honest with you about what I need in this fragile, unsettling time.  I am grateful for that kind of community we have built together.

 

Bless you ~

Linda

* photo by dear friend Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Porch #38 💔 Heartbroken Edition

 Welcome back to PORCH,
your go-to weekend companion.
Embrace community.
Discover a fresh perspective.
Grow your faith in Christ.
Get unstuck. 
Share your story.

💔

The darkness of Ukraine's unspeakable tragedy weighs heavy on our hearts.  It's never too far from our minds.  We ache for the surreal fear and numbing exhaustion and panicked distress of their beseiged people.  

We cry, 'Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.' 

*   Bible Belt hotbed of ministry training, church planting, missions

*   'pray for Putin's demise' with imprecatory psalms

*   this little angel's sweet song gone viral

*   light a candle, bake bread, use a map

*   emergency field hospital

*   sing Psalm 5 (Give Ear to My Words)

'Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God' ~
Linda 💔

<<  A Reading Feast
(updated e-book deals)

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linking with
Jeanne/Lisa J 
Richella  &  Lisa

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Alexander Zvir from Pexels

What's Saving My Wintertime Life

Hey you guys!

How do you put your creative energies to work to defeat the blues, the news, the isolation, the disappointment that so easily combine to intrude and re-define how we see ourselves?

And what's God inviting you to in the process?

the cherry Crocs are 36% off!

⛄

Here's a sampling of what's feeding, calming, and nurturing body, mind, and soul this winter ...

SCRIPTURE

RHYTHMS

Creating, puttering, writing, arranging, tending, and keeping the home fires burning.  Opening the windows for a few minutes, heading out for a walk, sitting fireside with a friend, simmering a pot of soup. 

Indulging in an afternoon nap. 

There's a satisfying delight in the dailyness of tasks and activities that come with homekeeping, ministry, relationship building, and nurturing online community.

SCENTS

balsam & cedar candle

crackling vanilla bean candle

my signature winter lotion

yummy lip smackers

MUGS

A great big mug of hot tea with plenty of honey.  Maybe some mulled cider with a cinnamon stick.  Grabbing a cup of steaming hot chocolate before heading over to the beach to wave-watch.  

MEDITATION

This free app for Christ-centered, prayerful meditation is worth its weight in gold.

PUZZLES 

Let's hear it for less surfing, scrolling, and clicking ... and more relaxing jigsaw puzzles.  I'm not interested in head-scratching challenges, only in assembling beautiful pictures that make me smile!  

Cozy Retreat

Mom's Craft Room

Old Candy Shop

Readers Paradise

Retro Kitchen

Writer's Desk

BOOKS

Snuggled under a fuzzy throw by the fire ... or curled up in bed under a quilt or two.  Ever since I was little, there've been few days where I haven't immersed myself in gently turned pages.  I've found comfort in ... 

a series by a favorite author

&

your suggested inspirational reads

&

titles that have calmed

mind & soul

MUSIC

24 hours of gentle, de-stressing melody.  Yes, please.

So ... what's saving YOUR deep-mid-winter life?  I can't wait to read what's working for you ... or hear what God might be inviting you to!

Linda

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sharing wintertime with 
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You . . . One Year Ago

It's a year since the Coronavirus was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization.

Words most certainly fail at a time like this.  I'm not feeling particularly eloquent right about now.  God knows I can't quite begin to put my hands around the many ways our lives, collectively and individually, have been altered.  

The losses, both huge and subtle.  The million ways our relationships have morphed for good or ill.  The impact on how we do life in the company of others.  How our faith has been stretched and grown ... or atrophied. 

We've walked together through it all.  The pandemic conversations we've had are gathered right here.  Our stories each differ yet there are common themes.  So the question begs to be asked.  

What was going on in your life when the pandemic hit?

Check your blog posts, social media, phone, camera, calendar, journal, email folders.

And then share your story with us today.  The good, the bad, the blessed, the ugly, the miracles.  I'll go first.  I had just returned home from the hospital ...

It's your turn.

We look back and reflect in order that we can move ahead unhindered.  And we trust that God will do more than we can ask or imagine because of what we've experienced {Ephesians 3} ~

Linda

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<<  Got Pandemic Brain?  Try These 7 Things.

2021's Best Books ... So Far  >>

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Jeanne  .  Richella  .  Lisa

Got Pandemic Brain? Try These 7 Things.

Hi There ~

These past few weeks have involved way too much time online.  

Way .  Too  .  Much

There was a week spent counseling at the Thrive's Gather Conference along with all the training and debriefing that followed.  Cramming in as many sessions as possible at She Leads Church Summit.  

And don't even get me started on the endless hours spent in 'waiting rooms' to get onto the site to hopefully find a place to get the vaccine ... and then racing through pages of endless questions in 15 minutes after I found an illusive opening {how many times do you really need me to tap out my name and birthdate?}  

And yes, I have an appointment for the J & J vaccine this Tuesday.  Thank You, Jesus.

Halfway through yesterday, I had had enough.  I simply turned my phone off and hid it under a pile of stuff on my desk and headed back downstairs to curl up under my soft, fuzzy throw and indulge in a long winter's nap.

It's not news to any of us that too much time spent with our screens leaves us foggy and exhausted, spent and a bit crispy.  Disoriented.  This is especially true for all of you who work online, who are required to spend endless hours on Zoom, or spend an inordinate amount of time blogging / on social media.

Pandemic brain leaves me strangely unfocused.  Like having crammed far too much into my head so that I can't string two sentences together, aimlessly wandering around the house leaving tasks half done, trying to figure out what's for dinner at 4:30 as I gaze into the freezer, unable to spend relaxed time in the company of an inviting book.

I'm craving rhythm and connection and purpose and creativity.  A free and active life in the company of others.

Here's what I'm learning ...

*  I try to stay upstairs in the morning 'til everything there is completed.  All the things.  Reading through the Psalms outloud, tidying, washing and dressing, desk work and bill paying, airing out the rooms, making the bed, stretching.

*  Keep a running 'don't forget' list on my desk and use the white board on the fridge to track our daily schedule for a week.  No more when's his visit with the dentist?  Is he working today?  What time is that appointment anyway?  What's happening Thursday?  Who's going where when?

*  I need to get outside to clear my head.  This week's been a cold one so some days all I've done is step outside and breathe deep for a minute or two.  It matters.  This coming week looks to be a good one for daily walks.  Praise be.

*  I tend to do alot of blog visiting in chunks, for lack of a better word.  Party-hopping, so to speak.  There's a time or two every week when I just can't wait to see what you're creating and I'm off and running.  This is so refreshing and fun and all those good things.  I try to visit all my readers at least once a week and continue to reach out to new-to-me writers.  Forgive me for when I'm unsuccessful.

*  We've got a few friends in our 'bubble' and I try to get together with someone in person at least once a week.  I'm missing face-to-face contact, and I can't begin to tell you how I yearn to see my girls and their families.  Kissing my mother on our weekly visit through masks is impossibly obnoxious, especially because 99% of our half hour is spent six feet apart.  It is what it is.

*  I need to do something for others.  It's been far too easy to isolate which only leads to endless self-absorption which leaves us lonely and unmoored.  I've been doing a series of women's pandemic support groups since September, masked and six feet apart.  I love doing life with these women, hearing their stories, offering them a safe place to land and unload and connect and be revived.  Good stuff.

*  I sing outloud.  All the verses, all the words.  I'm literally praising God all day long.  My poor husband.  Maybe I should buy him some ear plugs.  Although when I ask, he's starting to join in once in awhile.  The Lord is worthy of all the adoration we can offer, even if it's off key and at the oddest moments.  I'm amazed at the old hymns that pop into my head via my heart, the ones I haven't heard in decades.  

I love what the Holy Spirit invites us to.  Especially in these uncertain days of waiting, hoping, dreaming, praying.

What rhythms are guiding you to be more focused, organized, purposeful?

Linda

<<  4 Mid-Winter Somethings

You ... One Year Ago  >>

*

Jeanne  .  Richella  .  Lisa

My Post of the Year . . .

Well, the year is almost done.  

Thank You, Lord, for carrying us through, amen.

I've spent a bit of time scrolling through 2020's posts.  I took special note of the ones that had the most comments, which were not necessarily the ones with the most hits.  

You bloggers know exactly what I'm talking about.

Then I scanned to see which of those conversations ended up being relevant to where we find ourselves right now, that somehow struck a chord that continues to resonate on.  And Nesting-in-Place, written last March as the reality of covid was hitting us, won, hands down.

Nope, it's certainly not the most important thing I penned in 2020 nor the most profound.  But this simple piece resonated with many of us who were desperately trying to find our footing, whether homebound or out and about.  

And nine months later it's hard to believe that we're still in the throes of this wretched pandemic which has turned our lives inside out in countless ways we never thought possible.

We will never be the same. 

God knows.

So, this is My Post of the Year.

With all the talk about sheltering-in-place, self-isolation, quarantine, and social distancing, I'd like to coin a new phrase.

One a bit more winsome, comforting, and calming.

Nesting-in-place.

With each passing day, more of us find ourselves, by law or mandate, having to stay in our homes except for a quick run to the supermarket, drug store, or taking care of a severe medical need.

And no, home is not necessarily a place of rest and repose these days, with the kiddos home from school, an unforeseen lack of routines, and all the crazy unknowns this new lifestyle entails.  And I'm hearing that with more of us working from home, already challenging jobs have quickly morphed into seemingly endless, stressful 24/7 workloads ...

{click here to finish reading}

*

I'd be fascinated to hear what you penned this year that captures your reality ... feel free to leave a link ~

Linda

P.S. #1  Our first Book Club gathering starts on January 10th!  Grab your copy of Don't Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy to Your Life ... and catch all the details right here!

P.S. #2  Don't miss a thing!  Subscribe right there.

P.S. #3  My Favorite Books of 2020

P.S. #4  Did you read my Christmas post An Unimaginable Holy Saga?

P.S. #5  I'll see you at Jeanne's & Lisa's

Tip-toeing Through the Liminal Space

Greetings, friends!  I'm so glad you've joined me for this month's e-zine.  My heart is filled with gratitude for you, wise and cherished readers.  You are the best encouragers, cheerleaders, mentors, trailblazers, creatives, sojourners, companions.

We're flipping to the final calendar page of 2020.  It was the year that was.  We've talked incessantly, written repeatedly, prayed fervently, trying to process all that's assailed us.  We speak what is true about where we find ourselves, we validate the very real emotions we continue to face.  

We let each other know that we are not alone.  We build hope generously laced with kindness and respect into each other's lives.  Our online connection lends some sort of steadying rhythm in the midst of all that's become distressingly topsy-turvy.

I am so sick of talking about covid.  I despise the ways it has taken over our lives.

The pandemic is still at the forefront and we wait and wonder and battle the reality of emotional fatigue, the ever-present overwhelm over continuously changing uncertainties, the confusing updates in safety and travel guidelines.  Covid testing sites seem to be elusive as hen's teeth and the hopeful distribution of a vaccine has us pondering if we really want to be guinea pigs. 

We're sorrowing over missed family milestones and celebrations.  Many are leery of gathering indoors to worship.  We have learned, often painfully, that we control very little in life.  Many have been navigating through major decisions and discovering that the best laid plans must be held in wide open hands.  We lament the continued suffering, the growing numbness, the losses that are hitting near home.  

We find ourselves in uncharted territory ... the liminal space between how life used to be and what life will become.  We're neither here nor there, and this weird transition leaves us kind of hanging in mid-air, fragile and vulnerable, prime targets for the enemy of our souls.

But this is my testimony, my end of 2020 story ...

Our God is strong and steady as a rock.  He has not changed one single bit even though much around our souls has given way.  He has proved Himself compassionately faithful in the midst of debilitating pain and anxiety, life-altering decisions and ongoing lament.  

He is our all-knowing Guide.  

And the huge sense of relief and the deepest gratitude that's emerged from following Him repeatedly through the next open door outweighs the myriad of frustrations, disappointments, and sadness that have woven their way into this year.  

What a wonderful Savior.

Bless you as we sit quietly and discover the spiritual treasures in store for us this Advent season.  May the Spirit guide us into refreshing new rhythms and deeper grace as He continues to whisper, 'this is the way, walk ye in it' {Isaiah 30:21}.

Linda

P.S. #1  I spent a whole evening penning the usual monthly e-zine, complete with links and commentary on books, surprise treasured finds, my home reorganizing saga, and musings about Christmas.  But after sharing my heart so deeply, it just didn't feel right to tack on the fun stuff.  I think you understand.  Maybe another day?

P.S. #2   But it sure sounds like we're all in sync when it comes to red berries and turquoise doors ... On the Porch * Red Berries Edition

P.S. #3  Have you subscribed yet?

P.S. #4  Visiting with Jeanne & Lisa & Richella is always a bright and lively weekly past time with friends old and new.

Our 1st 2021 Book Club Read Is ...  >>