'At least SOME of us are walking in the right direction!'Clearly avoiding any hint of eye contact, the sarcastic fellow shopper addressed me coldly in the frozen food aisle as she glanced my way while eyeing the ice cream on sale.
Behind my mask, I chuckled as I continued pushing my cart forward, refusing to give her the satisfaction she was craving.
My heavy mask hid my quiet laughter as I wheeled around the corner, relieved that I was out of her sight.
I didn't even think of checking the arrow's direction.
I completely forgot about buying the ice cream on my list.
I was taken by utter surprise. I felt a bit violated. Weirdly unsettled. It was the first time during the pandemic that I had met 'Karen' face-to-face.
With apologies to those who legitimately bear her name, Karen has become slang for a woman with an attitude, an endless sense of entitlement, an ax to grind.
She has no qualms in calling out anybody who's not doing what she thinks is the right thing. She is rude, self-absorbed, obnoxious, and complaining is the name of her game. She's a self-appointed know-it-all ... and she's determined to make herself heard.
The pandemic has unwound her unsettled mind and heart, unleashing her to do damage to those unfortunate to cross her path.
*
Truth be told, I feel kind of bad for the Karens these days. I'm guessing that many of them are mouthy because deep inside they're hurting. Wounded. Frustrated. Scared to death.
Or are feeling disrespected. Vulnerable. Lost.
There are often very valid emotions rattling around inside those who respond to life with offensive words or passive-aggressive behavior. Sadly, these souls have not learned how to handle their power-laden emotions in ways that are healthy, wise, or socially appropriate.
*
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
- Proverbs 15:1
*
Kindness matters. Compassion softens. Grace counts. Love wins.
Met any Karens lately?
And are we honest enough to admit that apart from God's calming presence, we {gasp} are prone to be her deep inside our rattled hearts?
Linda
Here's More ➜
Let's Talk About Emotional Health * A Little Series
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visiting with
I've never heard that before. Yes, I've seen "Karens" post on our local Nextdoor group and oh my that are terrible! We also have male "Karens" on the group. Those people make the group less enjoyable and I recently unsubbed from a thread because the male and female Karen's were behaving like five year olds!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Regina, there are male Karens, too! I thought of calling him Ken but it never quite made it into the post.
DeleteAnd yes, sometimes we have to create some healthy boundaries around ourselves / families if these people can do us harm.
And other times, we're strong enough and they're open enough for us to connect.
For the most part, I've not met any Karens. Unless, of course, I am she (as a he of course). :) I despise wearing a mask. I can be snarky at times but realize some are either very sensitive or insensitive during this time. I was walking down a hall from my chiropractor's office yesterday after having to wear a mask in there, when I came upon two people wearing masks going where I just came from. I did not have a mask on but I did turn and faced the wall so they would not feel violated. your 4 statement phrase is still true.
ReplyDeleteFor sure, this is a sensitive time for people and everyone is dealing with the pandemic and social distancing in their own ways. The key is respecting that everyone is different and is making their way through this mess the best they can.
DeleteIf we ever needed kindness and grace, it'd be about now.
I'm picturing you facing the wall. I know it's not funny, but ...
When I first started venturing out shopping I was fuming at how many people disregarded the arrows. I mean it's so simple, right? One day I was fuming again and ready to finally pounce when I realized I had traveled down 2 aisles completely in the wrong direction. BAM! God put me right back in my humble place.......fast!! Mistakes happen. We get distracted. I needed my spirit of grace put back in place. Thank you God for your gentle, and not so gentle, lessons...............
ReplyDeleteExactly, Val!
DeleteWe might not be verbally abusing other people but more of us than we would care to admit are inwardly fuming or endlessly spouting off to those closest to us about the 'evils' of the people we're encountering, many of whom are distressed, grieving, or maybe even out or about for the first time and are downright confused.
Thanks for the gentle reminder about getting and staying humble.
I hope you guys are all doing well ...
The last "Karen" I encountered was in the mirror. We all behave and perceive experiences from an entitled, 'judgy' point of view at times. It's a discipline see each other as struggling beloveds all in need of just a little more grace right now.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully said, Kathreen.
Delete'Judgy' creeps in far too often. I'm off to check my mirror ...
I've not encountered any Karens personally, Linda, as Danny and I aren't going out at all - groceries are delivered here. However, I do have to sympathize with these people and the emotions that must be seething just beneath the surface. This pandemic has everyone on edge; some handle it better than others, but for those who don't, let's all try to extend grace to them. And yes, I'd be a basket case if it weren't for the constant and loving presence of God.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
You're right, friend, there's a lot seething underneath the surface. You can spot it in people's eyes, the tenseness of their words, the distraction and fear.
DeleteEmpathy is a fine offering to give another soul in these days of upheaval and unknown.
It's so fun to dehumanize
ReplyDeleteand then discriminate
against the folk that we despise,
and learn to love to hate.
Yesterday it was Abdul,
today it's Karen's turn;
to whom shall we next be cruel?
Whose time is it to burn?
Can we not see the road we're on,
the dark hearts that we nurture,
when what we claim is said in fun
will pass right on to torture,
and pigeonholes keep spirits still,
to make them easier to kill?
Your poem is a well-needed warning to refuse to dehumanize, discriminate. Only God change hearts that are stony and hard.
DeleteIf there ever was a season as a call to prayer, it'd be this one.
Meanwhile, I hope today finds you tolerably well. I'm always encouraged when I see you penning a new ode.
Thank you for this, Linda.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!
DeleteLinda, there are definitely “Karens” among us. You nailed it when you said deep inside they are hurting, wounded, fearful...I need His grace!
ReplyDeleteIndeed, only God's grace can change us, re-direct our hearts, and enable us to minister lavishly to those who are living in fear.
DeletePam, thanks.
Maybe the reason Karen behaved as she did is because she was in a hurry to get to the toilet!
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Um ... maybe?
DeleteShe didn't look in a hurry to me ...
;-)
My first Karen that I encountered was the first trip I actually made out and it was to pick up a prescription. My intention was to hurry in, get in line, get my RX and get out. Out of habit, I grabbed a cart as my norm is not to rush and to browse. I honestly never paid attention to any sign, (which I should have) but I did have my mask on and my intentions were good. IN...OUT! YEP, you guessed it! I did not follow the arrows and almost butted into another woman's cart......I quickly apologized and she quickly said, "Lady, you are not following the arrows". Well, it wasn't what she said that got me. It was the way she said it to me. She was a good 30 years or more younger than me and I would have much preferred that she said MAM especially she had to use that tone of voice with me. But...I was in the wrong and regardless of her attitude I had determined that morning, by the grace of God and a short devotional reading on how our kindness to others can display a sweet smell of healing to the soul of another, that I was going to show kindness. I simply smiled and said, "Honey, I am so very sorry. I did not even read the sign coming in about following the arrows and the truth is that I was so very leery about coming in anyway but I must pick up an Rx. Something happened at that moment though. FOR HER. She did not have on a mask and she had the prettiest smile upon her face as her whole countenance changed. She said, "Awe, it's okay. I totally get it and hope you have a good day. I have thought about that day many times Linda and how my reaction to her rude disposition changed her whole demeanor. Two things hit me. Actually 3. First, I was thankful for that little devotional I read that morning. 2nd: Its not what we say at times but how we say it. And lastly, my granny's words of long ago came to my memory, "Baby, Kindness will always win and if it's not their hearts rest assured it won the Lord's heart. Hugs and blessings to you dear Linda. Cindy
ReplyDeleteCindy, thanks for sharing your story! I remember that the first few times I went to the store it was all terribly disorienting. I'm guessing all of us have been there.
DeleteDon't you love how your choice to show kindness and grace lit that girl's face up bright! We have that option multiple times a day. And it's amazing how people will do an about face when we are charming and lovely in response to their terse moments.
And yes, for sure, this right here, friend --> 'Its not what we say at times but how we say it.'
Kindness matters!
I love your quote "Kindness Matters" YES IT DOES!
Delete;-)
DeleteOh, my goodness! Have I ever! I tell you what, I am really, realy getting sick of it, to be honest. Nearly everyone is so on edge and sarcastic and rude. I have seldom seen anyone lately who isn't! With the exception of a dear, sweet cashier at CVS the other day. She was SO nice, and it was so refreshing! I just wanted to keep standing there talking to her! LOL! I try so hard to be kind through this, and it frustrates me to no end that people cannot even see that I am smiling at them because of the mask! This is absolutely bringing out the worst in everyone, and I can totally understand your frustration. It is making me not even want to leave the house at all, and I am always relieved to get back home. It is dividing people in countless ways, and our world is just in one big mess right now. I don't know what we would do without our dear Jesus to turn to in times of such hurt and ill treatment. HE is our only hope. Sending big hugs to you today, sweet friend. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteHey Cheryl! I hear your frustration, friend.
DeleteSo good to hear about the positive interaction with that CVS cashier the other day. I love interacting with cashiers, chatting them up when they're open to it, complementing them on how well they do their job {only if it's true}, and wishing them well on my way out.
These people encounter dozens and dozens and dozens of people a day. They truly are on the front lines. No one is working for fun. People are working because they need to put bread on the table.
The clerk in the post office and I had the sweetest chat today. Makes me realize again that I can't control how others respond to life, but I sure can make choices that honor Christ.
And you're right. It's all about Jesus.
May our conversational witness be winsome and warm, especially to the burdened and overloaded.
Linda, if I may be allowed a second comment...
ReplyDeleteThe 'Karen' thing is, to me, a currently non-deployed mercenary, horribly disrespectful of the Karen people of Burma, who have faced REAL genocide in their sevety-year war for independence.
These people fight like tigers, and anyone who has been honoured to stand in the gap with them cannot help but feel the very word, 'Karen', is a sympbol of hope and dauntless courage.
And yet, we in this benighted land not only turn our backs upon our own history, but through a vile and cowardly ignorance choose language that disparages a courage that none can hope to match.
I challenge all who read this to push back, hard, and regain your lost honour.
The Karens, the real Karens, deserve no less.
Yes, Andrew, I'm glad you brought this up. As I was doing research for this post it was insightful to learn about these people, who you have described as 'a symbol of hope and dauntless courage.'
DeleteI'm going to encourage our readers to click on this World Relief site to get to know the Karen people
https://worldrelieffortworth.org/burma-myanmar-karen-cultural-profile
Thanks for this important reminder, friend ...
(And Kens - which is apparently the male counterpart of a Karen)
ReplyDeleteOur response to such a confrontation is all we really have control over, and you handled yours with grace and dignity. I think you’re so right abut how Karen and Ken may feel inside. Your last question is so striking. What do I feel entitled about? When do I need to offer more compassion, more understanding for opinions and decisions I disagree with? How would (should) I handle a similar situation? Where’s the line, and what will I do if someone crosses mine? I admire you very much and admit my ability to emotionally navigate confrontation of any kind is so limited. I quite likely would have cowered and then cried. Perhaps sometimes it’s me to whom I must offer grace. Your experience is a learning experience for all of us.
Thank you.
Barbara
Barbara, your questions are so powerful, so wise and open. Spot on. I could sit with them all day and ponder what true answers would look like.
DeleteI think I just might!
I'm not big on confrontation either, friend. Trust me. But the more we see ourselves as Christ sees us {beloved, cherished, worth dying for, priceless, beautiful}, the easier it is to give grace to ourselves and not worry or wonder what others think about us.
And the good news is then there's plenty of grace that bubbles up and over to those we come in contact with.
Poor Karen.
DeleteIt must be rough being in charge of the universe.
Indeed.
DeleteIt's exhausting just thinking about her.
I'm off for a nap.
;-)
I do feel sorry for people named Karen these days. I admit, I probably wouldn't say anything out loud, but too often I'm steaming inwardly--not healthy or godly. Even before the pandemic, I'd get unduly frustrated with people who left their carts on one side while they shopped on the other, or navigated from the middle, blocking the aisle either way. And then I've found myself absent-mindedly doing the same thing in my quest for some elusive item. I'm so often reminded I need to give grace to others, the same as I would want grace extended to me when I'm at fault.
ReplyDeleteRight when the pandemic first started, before mask-wearing was recommenced widely, I was in a local Wal-Mart. I was a little edgy, wondering what was going to happen with the virus and supplies. It was the first time almost the entire TP aisle and bottled water aisle were empty. On one aisle, I knew the thing I needed was on the left, so I was going down the left side. A young couple with masks on turned the corner on the other end, coming toward me. Usually I go down the right side of the aisle, same as the right side of a street (this was before arrows were implemented). Logically, I should have moved to the right. But in the moment, I was thinking, "I'm just going to grab that item and then get out of their way." But as it turned out, by the time I got to the item, I ended up stopping right in front of them, accidentally blocking their way. This all happened much more quickly that it's taking to tell it. But, anyway, as they passed me, the young man pulled his mask down (evidently so I could hear him), looked my way, and said, "I hope she gets the coronavirus. I hope she dies from it."
I was astounded. I was in the wrong, but to wish death on someone over a blocked aisle? And the odd thing was, he didn't say it in a mean or frustrated way: he was smiling as he said it. I guess he just wanted to get a little dig in for payback for blocking their way.
I just stood there and watched them walk away for a few minutes. There wasn't time to say anything, but I don't think I could have come up with anything anyway. I was pretty shaken the rest of my time in the store.
It seems like the world is getting crazier and crazier. I'm astounded at the arguments people are getting into over masks and the name-calling and the rioting and the "canceling." I can only imagine what the months leading up to the election are going to be like.
I've had to unfriend one person and "hide" a few others on FB, either until this pandemic is over or until I can read them without getting so ruffled in spirit. I don't mind when people disagree, but when you can't even have a logical conversation or when people are impugning other's motives, it's not much use. I so need grace to take the high road.
Oh my gosh I can't believe what that guy said to you, Barbara! I had to read it twice. I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you. Talk about feeling unsafe.
DeleteYikes.
I agree, the world is getting more insane and out of control. The months ahead will be telling in more ways than one. I do hate how everything is getting politicized. More than that, I am disturbed at discord among Christians over issues that are preference items and not carved in stone.
Yes, please, for grace to take the high road ... and to be able to discern what is worth going to the mat for and what we need to let go.
I do believe we just might be in the last days. And all I can say is, 'come quickly, Lord Jesus.'
It's been so good to chat with you today, friend. I hope you and yours are well.
I have not met any "Karens" personally, but I will admit to feeling a little self-righteous in my head when I see others not following the "rules." Thank you for giving me the space to think a littl more about how people react to difficult situations.
ReplyDeleteYeah, self-righteousness rears its unattractive head more often than we'd like to admit, friend.
DeleteI admire that you've done so here. Please know you're not alone!
Weekend blessings ...
wow - interesting. Yes I see more and more Karens. First social media gave them more leeway but it seems mask have amplified this persona more, Hope you have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteAh social media! What an impact on our culture ...
Delete;-{
Luckily, I have not met any Karens in real life. I seem to see them everywhere on Facebook, though. They are usually people I don't know, making comments on friends' posts. I try to scroll on by, but I must admit, I am tempted to quote the very verses from Proverbs you quoted in this post. So sorry you had to deal with the snark, Linda.
ReplyDeleteThe snark has turned out to be a good thing because it's prompted me to look in the mirror to see what so easily lurks!
DeleteUgh, Linda ... what you've described, to me, are middle-aged women (or older, maybe?) acting like mouthy, snarky teenagers. I get after my girls when they veer in this direction, but I understand it's also a phase (I hope). Not so much with the adults, though. I am so sorry you were subject to this kind of interaction. I don't think I've ever experienced a "Karen" personally, but I hear about them frequently from my daughter who works at a grocery store. I encourage her to try to see the humor in their behavior, though I know can be difficult hard. Your guidance is helpful: "Kindness matters. Compassion softens. Grace counts. Love wins."
ReplyDeleteWithout the guidance of faithful models like you ... and cleansing from the Lord, we take our stuff with us into adulthood, don't we.
DeleteParenting has got to be tough these days. My hat's off to you, friend.
Linda,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you had to experience a "Karen." So glad you were able to laugh and not let it get to you. My daughter explained the term to me in the past, but your post gave me a living example. Appreciate your encouragement about how kindness matters :-) Blessings and I hope you don't experience another "Karen."
'In the end, only kindness matters.'
Delete-Jewel, 2009
I fear the "Karen's" to be honest. I can't imagine a line-up like the picture shows! I'm grateful to live where the population is low and the space is plenty. Emotional health is being challenged these days, for sure. May we continue to laugh at ourselves and be compassionate to others to spread kindness and peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Lynn, grateful to live where the population is low and the space plenty.
DeleteUntil summertime when the tourists descend. Which certainly has its good features. But not at the supermarket ... and not during this pandemic.
Yes, Let's hear it for being compassionate first with ourselves, then with those God sends our way.
I hope you're doing well, friend ...
Goodness, I'm glad the "arrows" have not yet arrived in Texas... or maybe if they had we wouldn't have some of the highest numbers in the country!! Regardless, disagreeable people will always find something to be disagreeable about. It almost always makes a difference if you smile at them... although now that we're all wearing masks... I believe your observation, "deep inside they're hurting" is spot on. I try to remind myself that I can't possibly know the path they are walking. And but for the grace of God go I ;) Blessings on your weekend, my friend!
ReplyDeleteAin't this the truth, June --> 'disagreeable people will always find something to be disagreeable about.'
Delete* sigh *
Meanwhile, I hope you're safe and doing well as the pandemic has hit your state. I'm lifting you up in prayer even as we speak. This is one of the biggest challenges that has hit us.
Lord, have mercy.
Hi Linda,
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to be here again. Thank you for this story here. The coronavirus pandemic has certainly been an odd unsettling time of life, huh? In addition to all the civil unrest and tragedy of George Floyd's death too. Thanks for your story here. Your line at the end gets me the most and I grin and sadly nod humbly.You said: "And are we honest enough to admit that apart from God's calming presence, we {gasp} are prone to be her deep inside our rattled hearts?"
Thanks. How are you?
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com
Jennifer, welcome back! It's so good to see you here again!
DeleteI hope all is well with you and yours ...
I haven't done this, but I hear you can google "Karens Gone Wild" and find quite a few entertaining videos of Karens showing their attitudes. ;) Trying not to be a Karen myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Lisa.
DeleteChecking out my heart on this whole issue.
I would have had no idea who "Karen" was before a conversation recently with my children, and they mentioned meeting a "Karen". I had no idea, was clueless about the whole persona thing. How sad it is that so many are hurting in this world, and that hurt can come out in such destructive ways. You are so right in your last statement... in our hearts many times we think the things that "Karen" does, but thankfully, I hope that most times the Holy Spirit working in our hearts provides the filter before the words come out... I'm thankful for that filter! Many blessings to you dear friend, you always share great insight and truths here :)
ReplyDeletePraise God for that Sacred Filter, the constant whispering of the Holy Spirit saying 'this is the way, walk ye in it.'
DeleteWho knows where we'd be without His faithfulness.
Linda,
ReplyDeleteYes, I've met some Karen's. Ironically, my ex-husband's sister is named Karen and she perfectly fits the stereotype of "Karen" the meme. I believe that "Know it all" may be her middle name. I am challenged by this stereotype and don't want to fit that description. I pray that I would have a heart of compassion in the midst of the chaos. Loved this..
Blessings sweet friend,
Bev xx
Bev, hi! I've always enjoyed Sarah Bessey's description of herself as a 'recovering know-it-all.'
DeleteI think many of us are aiming to choose that persona. I'm finding that the older I get, the less I know for sure.
But what I DO know, I'd go to the mat for.
Life's simpler that way. Praise God we are not tasked with having all the answers to all the questions. Or thinking we do ...
;-}
I don't know how to express my thoughts on this because I'm not entirely sure why I feel this way... but there is something deeply unsettling about our society choosing a person's name to define a set of character traits and behaviors. It feels like we're bullying and shaming on a societal level. It feels like we're mocking or being cavalier. Does that makes sense? Carla
ReplyDeleteCarla, hi! Thanks for weighing in on this unsettling subject. It's interesting that the original definition of the name Karen is 'pure.'
DeleteI hear what you're saying and I know several women named Karen who are lovely and delightful women.
I'm guessing that this might have evolved from a very unfortunate, disturbing incident somewhere along the way that social media picked up and ran with.
And yes, you're so right, it is all quite unsettling.
Had an encounter with a “Herman”...I was walking outside with my mask in hand for when I entered the store. I truly kept my social distance from him but Herman yelled out “Killer, killer, there’s one.” 🤪
ReplyDelete