Are You Safe For Your Spouse?

Welcome back to our impromptu marriage mini-series!  

Springing from the celebration of my own 45 years of wedded bliss {smile}, I'm prowling yet again through the vault and digging out some pieces that I'm eager to share with you. 

Last week we launched the series with 8 Marriage Pitfalls to Avoid Like the Plague.  If you missed it, now would be the perfect time to check it out.

This week I'm putting a crucial question on the table.  Are you safe for your spouse?  

We all need a soft place to fall, a secure arena where we're fully accepted and appreciated for who we truly are.  Our heart's desire, male or female, is to be held, to be cherished, to be heard, to be safe.  

To be loved well.  

And marriage is the optimum place to have trust flourish by having these needs tenderly nurtured and faithfully tended to.  Bonus: chances are if you extend this lovely grace, it will, in some measure, return to you.

BTW, this issue of emotional safety not only concerns marriage.  When all is said and done, it applies to all the relationships in our lives.

The goal is not perfection.  It's about faithfully aiming to be more Christlike in how we communicate love, commitment, and grace.

{I am using the word *him* to avoid the awkward *him/her/they*}

1.  You are fully present.
When you discern that he'd really like to connect, you step away from your screens or your endless to-do list.  You build trust by being still as he speaks, looking straight at him, gently tracking and listening closely not only to his words but the underlying cry of his heart.

2.  You do not butt in.
You refuse to throw your two cents in every time he takes a breath, instead giving him the quiet gift of listening well, giving him full permission to be a verbal processor as he sorts through what's on his heaping plate.

3.  You are non-judgmental.
You are grace-filled and don't minimize or brush off his concerns.  You don't morph into judge and jury at the first opportunity.

4.  You don't lecture.
You don't preach, lob Scripture at him, or toss pat answers his way.  You discern when to offer words of encouragement or direction, and ask permission before going there.

5.  You are respectful.
You don't put him down ... to his face or behind his back.  You refuse to make jokes at his expense, use your kids as weapons against him, or chat with others about his idiosyncrasies or flaws.

6.  You refrain from sharing deep intimacies with bystanders.

You show respect for the sacredness of your marriage by keeping your most intimate marital experiences {emotional, conversational, sexual, spiritual} as your own private treasure.  This would include social media, prayer requests at Bible Study, and random conversations with outsiders. 

7.  You set the tone for kindness and respect by quickly owning your slip-ups, asking for forgiveness, and making amends.
No dancing around, no excuses, no stalling, no shirking your responsibility to do so.


Encourage one another
and build one another up.
1 Thessalonians 5:11


Still learning to love well ~

P.S. #1
Click here for relationship expert Leslie Vernick's clear-cut guidance on what constitutes physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual abuse.  And you can find help at The National Domestic Violence Hotline here.

P.S. #2
Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a single, impromptu post!

P.S. #3
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you know some married people, yes?  If there's anything of value here, please do share with your social media fans and followers.  

P.S. #4
I'm linking up this mini-series with Jeanne, Richella, and Lisa.  Please be sure to visit them ... and tell them Linda sent you.