Sunday, January 17, 2021

Don't Overthink It * Session #2

Oh, I'm overjoyed to see your beautiful smiling face again, pastel pink paperback {or Kindle} in hand!   

This is our 2nd of three Sunday Evening Book Club gatherings focused on Anne Bogel's Don't Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy to Your Life.  It's not too late to head on over to Amazon where the Kindle edition is a still too-good-to-be-true priced $1.59!  You can also get the paperback right here.  {As an Amazon Associate, I may get a small financial benefit if you use these links.}

As I'm reflecting on our first discussion, perhaps Trudy summed it up best - 'I guess I haven't overcome perfectionism, Linda.  Especially when it comes to inwardly over-thinking.  I often replay what I wish I had said in my mind following a conversation, and I frequently second-guess my decisions.  I had never connected that to perfection.  I guess I know I'm kind of hard on myself and need to allow myself more grace...'

Yes, grace.  Unmerited favor.  Let's not beat ourselves up as we move through the chapters.  Last time I looked, not one of us has arrived.  With a palpable sense of relief, we discover yet again that we're all in the same boat in one way, shape, or form.  We're not companionless as we move forward toward healthier ways of thinking and responding to life's sometimes daunting challenges.

Let's jump right in with quotes from Part Two - Take Charge ...

Procrastination

{Chapter 6, page 88}

'When we put off doing something we don't want to do, we keep the unpleasant thing right in front of us for much longer than we need to.  As long as we're contemplating the issue, we're dwelling on the negative.  If we're dreading something, we can serve ourselves well by dealing with it sooner rather than later.  If we're overthinking something we can actually do something about, the best thing we can do is speed up to move on.  Take action as soon as possible.'


Nurture

{Chapter 7, page 96}

'Because our thoughts cascade into our feelings and actions, what we think about matters.  When we nurture positive thoughts, we feel good, when we nurture negative thoughts, we feel bad.  The nature of our thoughts directly affects not only the content of our experience but also our quality of life ... When we feel good we are kinder, more creative, more expansive in our thinking, more open to possibility, and just more pleasant to be around.  When we focus on the negative, we not only feel bad but also make ourselves more and more the type of people who overthink, because negativity fuels the mental spin cycle.'


Rumination

(Chapter 7, page 98}

'Rumination may be good for cattle, but for us, nothing good comes of mulling over unworthy issues at length.  Instead, rumination hijacks our focus and makes us miserable.  When we ruminate, we can't shut off our brains.  Our thoughts go round and round; we feel stuck, like a hamster on a wheel.  These negative thoughts - and resultant emotions - damage both our ability to think clearly and our general sense of well-being.'


Journaling

{Chapter 7, page 106}

'Many things don't feel so daunting once they are written down, because the act of writing forces us to clarify what's actually happening and what we need to do about it.  Many find writing to be a helpful tool, but watch out.  Therapist Amy Morin calls journaling a "common trap" for those inclined to ruminate.  She writes, "For overthinkers, journaling may backfire.  If you write about bad things that happen, things you worry about, or uncomfortable emotions you experience, your journal may reinforce your negative thoughts."  If you relate, Morin's advice for your journaling sessions is to stick to the facts rather than dwell on the emotions surrounding them.'


Routines

{Chapter 8, page 114}

'Many of us resist routine because it feels confining or boring ... But boring doesn't have to be a bad thing.  Predictability can be exactly what we need because the purpose of routine is not to limit us but to clear the mental clutter ... Routines are meant to serve us, not handcuff us.  When smartly deployed, these option-limiting strategies create freedom by creating headspace, whether we're making museum-worthy art or just trying to manage our ordinary days.'

Wow!  Anne's giving us a rich banquet, so much food for thought, prayer, and action.  My eyes have been opened even wider in this second reading.  What's hitting home for you?

Linda

P.S. #1   Don't Overthink It * Session #1 and Session #3

P.S. # Read Part 3 - Let the Sun Shine In, chapters 10 - 14, for our final session next Sunday evening.

P.S. #3  Enjoying Book Club?  Please subscribe!

P.S. #4  Sharing our bookish sessions with Jeanne  .  Richella  .  Lisa

34 comments:

  1. So many good things in these chapters! I'm definitely one who ruminates so I appreciate Anne's tips on how to turn it around.

    I also love her strategies to streamline decisions. "Think of them not as handcuffs but as your default settings." I have several default settings that work for me that might feel stifling to someone else (such as, working out before breakfast M/W/F). :) If it helps reduce my decision fatigue and frees up mindspace for other things I'd rather think about it later in the day? I'll keep those defaults going. Thanks for hosting us, Linda!

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    1. There's so much that begs for our attention / energy / focus, so I'm with you, Lisa. I want to explore what my default settings are {trust me, working out before breakfast is not one of them!!} and see if they are helpful, valid, Christ-honoring.

      I'm afraid that there are a few lodged in there that won't make the grade. I'm glad you brought this to the table, friend.

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  2. The first quote you shared was one I had marked, too. I tend to put off things I don't want to deal with, but that only keeps them before me longer.

    I liked her story about accidentally microwaving a melon when she thought it was a squash. And I appreciated her decision not to beat herself up over it, which only would have wasted more mental space since it was a one-time thing not likely to happen again. Sometimes it helps to think over a situation to learn from it, but other times it helps to just let it go and move on.

    I liked the phrase "Hard writing makes easy reading."

    And this from page 105: "It's a mistake to give all your thoughts equal weight. Some thoughts don't deserve to be taken seriously, so don't dignify them with a response."

    We all know that outsourcing or delegating is a help, but she brought out many more applications than I had ever thought of. And I liked that she wasn't hard and fast about any of it--it all depends on what each person likes/doesn't like to do.

    I liked the thought that routines help clear decision fatigue because we don't have to rethink those decisions every time. But, again, those would be individual decisions--if one feels like handcuffs, we don't have to make that thing routine.

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    1. Barbara, hello! I appreciate what you said about Anne's insights not coming across as hard and fast and ironclad. She writes like a good friend conversing, saying 'this works for me,' she shares her challenges, models what's working well. I'm guessing she's a good listener.

      I like that! Few of us like to be told what to do.

      ;-}

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  3. Linda, I've downloaded "Don't Overthink It" from the library but haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I don't tend to overthink most things, but I'm realizing there are a few key areas where this is definitely an issue. Based on the quotes you and others have shared so far, I'm hopeful that Anne's insights will help me push through that so I can get to a more productive place. Have a good week, my friend.

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    1. Enjoy the read, friend. It's easy, encouraging, yet quite profound and wise. A very nice combination for this season. I look forward to hear what you discover ... and are probably already living out!

      ;-}

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  4. In my world, the term 'headspace'(from 'Routines', Chapter 8) has a whole 'nother meaning.

    Freedom comes from headspace,
    that's thought on which to sup,
    'cause if chamber does not fit the case
    the rifle might blow up
    and that might really get you shook
    bad fitting, bad computing,
    and give your face a whole new look
    if it's you that's shooting.
    So do be wise and do be sage
    and show the world you're bright;
    get and use a headspace gauge,
    and do the the job plumb right;
    though the work may be a *****
    your plastic surgeon won't get rich.

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    1. Tim and I both cracked up! I'm all about looking for something to laugh about these days ...

      Some days it can be a hard search.

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  5. The procrastination piece hit me as well! I can have too much going on, and then not get to what I want to get to as well as analysis paralysis and the overwhelm. I once was in the habit of writing down ideas that popped in my mind while doing something else, let them go, and then complete my item before moving on to the next. I'd add those items later to where they needed to go. This helped train my mind to be less scattered (yet still a struggle). I like how Anne explained the importance of routine to avoid brain fatigue and also helped give me permission that my eating of the same foods everyday may look boring to some but it works for me! Also, that it is good to check in with experts to "know if you are doing it right (so) your brain can rest easy." Enjoying the read!

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    1. I'm thinking alot of us are in the same boat with that scattered thinking. I call it 'pandemic brain' ... so much we took for granted continues to be off kilter and out of sorts and downright scary. I'm trying to focus my days by taking care of one room / task / list / project at a time instead of running to and fro. Anne's book is a clarifying and positive companion and let's us know we're not alone.

      And yes, breakfast is the same every day. Works for us, doesn't it!

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    1. Bless you, too! I hope you and yours are safe and well ...

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  7. Positive thoughts contribute overwhelmingly to our overall sense of well-being. I have found that when I'm slipping into the "dark side" for whatever reason, if I stop and name things for which I'm grateful, that shifts my thoughts away from the negative to the positive. If I'm really having a difficult time, I pray about the situation and leave it in God's hands.
    Yes, I found Part 2 of this book most informative and thought-provoking, Linda. So glad we are doing this book in a group!
    Blessings!

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    1. Martha, I hear exactly what you you're saying about slipping into the dark side. It can happen so easily and I appreciate your counsel to stop and name your blessings. Amen. I'm liable to break into an old hymn of praise since that's what I was raised on and the Spirit is faithful to bring the right words to mind.

      It's good to acknowledge the truth about where we are ... and then not linger too long in deciding how to best respond. I'm so grateful you put this wisdom on the table this evening!

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  8. Thanks for the recommendation, Linda! I just ordered the Kindle version from your link! Looking forward to diving in! Many blessings to you.

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    1. Beth, I'm so grateful you're joining us! I know your participation is going to bless us and expand our faith ...

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  9. Procrastination and Rumination are resonating with me.

    I actually like routines!

    Thanks for the visit, Linda.

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    1. Yeah, I'm a routine lover, too! The past year has upset that apple cart, and I'm in process of figuring it out for this season.

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  10. This book is rich in practical ways to not overthink it. You listed so many good ones today, but I am going to talk about routines. I am not sure if you feel this way, but as a retired person, it's easy to lose routines and just plod along day by day. It can be very wearing. I began recently to add back in some morning routines. They have really set me up for the day and I feel more like myself as a result.

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    1. I absolutely hear you about the need for routines, Mary! I crave morning and evening routines, especially in this season when anything could happen at any time.

      God is a God of order ... we see that in His creation story in Genesis.

      With every new season - a move, retirement, illness, loss of any kind, our routines give us a sense of rhythm and purpose to our hours.

      I'd love if you'd do a post on this! I'd love to glean from your transition to retirement wisdom.

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  11. Linda, Thanks for the discussion.

    When I read the quote about procrastination, I thought of a concept that I read in a Tsh Oxenreider book called Eat the Frog. The idea was to do the thing you dread the most first thing in the morning to get it over with. Most of the time it might only take five minutes. It is crazy how the things we procrastinate might only take five minutes to do. I type this as I glance over at a pile of dirty dishes that needs washed. :)

    When I looked back at what I underlined in this section, it was all in chapter 7 about tending your garden. How freeing to remember that I can choose what to think about. I loved her story about reframing the story from another point of view. Her example was of a car that ran a red light that "might have a lady in labor in the back." How often I always go to the worst! I am a teacher and the times I have been called to the principals office have always made me nervous to find out most of the time it was a business issue not that I was in trouble. :)

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    1. Eat the Frog. Yes, I hear you! For me that usually involves some kind of phone call to make an appointment for something. I feel so light and free after the must-dos are done.

      And yes, these days especially, so many of us are jumping into an old default mode of imagining worse case scenarios. This is unsettling at best. Especially in the car, watching the news, hearing 3rd hand info, etc.

      Grace, grace.

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  12. For me, it's procrastination! Whether it is a work phone call I am dreading, a sympathy note where I don't know what to write, calling customer service about a bill - these are things that I will put on a "to do list" and it will sit there forever. When I finally get around to doing it, it usually takes just a few minutes and usually everything worked out fine. The amount of time I waste procrastinating is unbelievable. I am now trying to "just do it" and get it finished.

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    1. Marilyn, you used the 'dread' word which exactly matches how I feel when there's something that's hanging over my head! Why am I not surprised!

      It prompted me to look up the dictionary definition - 'causing or involving great suffering, fear, or unhappiness; extremely bad or serious.'

      When we think of the procrastinating items that cause us dread, it makes me smile, since most of what we're putting off has nothing to do with great suffering.'

      ;-}

      Let's blame it on the gene pool!

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  13. There are lots of great ideas in this section. I especially liked chapter 7 - the reminder that we shouldn't give all our thoughts equal weight, and the idea of looking at situations from the perspective of how we would advise a friend. Journaling is something I find really helpful too for slowing down my mind and helping me process my thoughts.

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    1. Don't you just love that God invites us to treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would treat another? It's hard to love someone well if we haven't extended that grace to ourselves ...

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  14. I had to smile when Anne talks about ruminating, Linda. I envisioned the cows we had on our farm in my youth chewing their cuds, how they regurgitated their feed and chewed again. Yes, I do regurgitate, too, only thoughts, not food. ;) I love Anne's imagery comparing our thoughts to a garden. "By choosing our thoughts with care, we can cultivate a garden we actually want to spend time in." Thank you, my friend. :) Love and blessings to you!

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    1. Yeah, I love that beautiful garden metaphor, Trudy.

      Let's tend our minds, spirits, bodies in ways that cultivate beauty, health, growth, truth.

      ;-}

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  15. Some of us have a pessimistic way of looking at life. Either we are programmed by experiences to do that or it is part of our temperment. I am a pessimist at heart (and proud of it). My family may have all died if it wasn’t for me warning of pitfalls. Fortunately, Anne’s insights shows me that to nurture or focus heavily on negative things is the problem.

    I liked where Anne said “schedule time to overthink.” Good advice —-get it over with and move on...hooray.

    Love the cooking of the melon...what a hoot.

    I also am seeing the ruts in my mind that I create with overthinking. Our minds get used to doing it so we fall into it easily. I have always said there are ruts in my soul that I can fall back into and I have to keep mysel aware of the the potential to do so. Alas, daily inventories and support groups give me self awareness tools. This book is providing me with gentle reminders of what to look at in my inventories. Bottom line: I can’t stop these poor habits so I make note and ask God to change, change, change what He needs to change. I am into self awareness but not self help.Been there, done that.

    I love Anne’s writing style. I like this book but not as much as I’d Rather Be Reading.

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    1. Carol, hi! Isn't it weird that we don't actually see the ruts until they are deeply embedded? So like the enemy to want to keep us clueless and dulled and going nowhere fast.

      And yes, let's hear it for support groups ... if ever we needed to know we're not alone and crave a strong sense of community (even if it is online), it'd be right about now. So many are yearning to be welcomed, heard, validated, and included. Much to my delight, I've found that offering and nurturing relationship is one of blogging's greatest joys.

      Miss you.

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  16. I do not have the book and I need to order it for sure. Looks like such a good read. Oh Linda, the older I get the more I have found myself putting off those things that I REALLY don't won't to do when I know that sooner or later THEY MUST BE DONE! Lord help me! I also have a tendency at times to overthink things especially when making a decision. And it can be the most simple things at times that NO ONE would take that much time to make a decision. My middle daughter tells me that she has never seen someone take days of reading reviews on a Ten Dollar product before making a decision about it. We laugh about that but I have found that to be so true about myself. Oh let me hush before I tell you all of my bad traits. LOL! Enjoyed reading all the comments today Linda. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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    1. No bad traits around here, just transparency, grace, and lots of hope, Cindy!

      I have someone in my life who shall remain nameless who does that kind of extensive research on the simplest of potential purchases. While it might make me crazy, he seems to enjoy the journey more than the actual possession.

      Different strokes, right?!

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  17. It was so neat to see this today because I’ve been working through this book on Kindle after checking it out from the library. And when you mentioned it was on sale, I just went ahead and bought it for my own copy. 😃

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    1. Oh I'm so glad, Amanda! Please join us tomorrow night if you can!

      The welcome mat is out.

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