Thursday, November 12, 2020

Let's Talk Turkey

I think we were sorting through mounds of kitchen stuff or packing random boxes or doing something half-way productive as we cleaned out Mom's house a few weeks ago.  My sister looked at me and asked, 'What are you doing for Thanksgiving?'

I shrugged and said, 'I dunno.'

And with that, we resumed our work in getting the house ready to sell.

And with Thanksgiving two weeks away, I still don't have the vaguest idea.  Maybe this is the first time a carefully planned and orchestrated holiday is just not going to happen.  On a good year, if we were hosting the festivities, the biggest turkey I could hunt down would already be gently resting in the freezer, groceries bought and tucked into the cupboards, and we'd be jotting down who'd bring what for the big day.

Who knows if we'll get in to see Mom?  I've only seen her three times since October 1st.

Who has the energy to pull off a festive holiday meal for a million people?  Not me.

When will we get to spend time with our girls {and their guys} and our grandchildren seeing that they live in states we're shut off from?  Who has the vaguest idea?

And how is it possible for our oldest granddaughter to be half a world away in Lebanon when we can't get into the nursing home that's 20 minutes away ... or venture off to Connecticut or Maryland without a major upheaval?

Who knows.

Bottom line?

It's ok to have no answers.  It's ok to hold our expectations in open hands.  It's ok to do something completely different.  Or {gasp} nothing at all!

Maybe this is the year to be courageous enough to shake things up a bit and temporarily put aside any former traditions that would feel forced or uncomfortable, exhausting or just plain inappropriate for where our tender hearts find themselves.

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For what matters most is not what the menu holds for November 26th.  More than ever, it's where our hearts are focused.  Are they centered on all that's gone wrong or that's out of kilter or that no longer exists?

Or is it on gratitude.  Embracing it.  Speaking it.  Living it out.  First in our own souls and then in conversations with whoever God brings on our paths.


Five Thanksgivings ago, our very tradition-minded family built a great big fire and whipped up s'mores outside in frigid conditions, complete with billowing smoke, wool blankets, lots of laughter, and mugs of steaming coffee.

Why?

Because it was the right choice to make after months of unspeakable loss.

You can read the story here.  

I'd love to chat about what you've done to navigate through difficult holidays.  Your updated traditions, your out-of-the-box brainstorms, your creative choices for gathering, feasting, celebrating, serving.  Or simply being quiet and still in the presence of the Lord.

And if this has been a rough year, let's talk.  You're in good company around here.  

Linda 

 The Name It & Claim It 8 Book Giveaway!

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<<  On Abandoning Our Performance-Based Lenses

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stepping on into the holidays with Lisa & Jeanne

42 comments:

  1. After hosting many, many years of Thanksgivings in our home, with a packed crowd and so many precious faces around our beloved table, God gently wrenched those traditions away a few years ago, and though it has been hard to accept and embrace, it now feels really good to not be under any pressure. NO pressure at all. That is so liberating! I won't say I don't deeply miss the dear ones who have gone on, and I won't say my heart doesn't ache when I recall the memories we all made together for so many years, but God has a way of bringing a deep down comfort and healing balm in each moment of grief. Every day is Thanksgiving in our house, and each time we can see or even talk to our loved ones by phone, it is a happy celebration. We are just so grateful for each one who is still with us. It is funny how He helps us to learn contentment in places we never thought we could, and how He brings peace to areas we thought would forever be chaotic in our minds and hearts. I am so sorry to know that you are hindered from seeing your dear Mom. God comfort you and your sister and all who grieve and hurt through these strange, strange times. Sending hugs to you today, sweet friend.

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    1. Dear Cheryl - I can't think of a better way to start today's conversation than with your visit, filled with life experience and heavenly wisdom --> ' Every day is Thanksgiving in our house, and each time we can see or even talk to our loved ones by phone, it is a happy celebration. We are just so grateful for each one who is still with us. It is funny how He helps us to learn contentment in places we never thought we could, and how He brings peace to areas we thought would forever be chaotic in our minds and hearts.'

      Thank you, thank you for the gentle reminder that every day is an opportunity for gratitude, that there can be joy in connecting over the phone {I love WhatsApp!}, and that the Lord can teach us contentment and gift us with peace in places we thought would never heal.

      Bless you, friend, for your ongoing testimony.

      * READERS - Read my review of Cheryl's book, Biblical Minimalism, a helpful little traveling companion that is strongly grounded in Scripture. It's Cheryl's story but it's so much more. A guide to contentment, a calmer lifestyle, a peace-filled family life.
      http://www.lindastoll.net/2020/07/biblical-minimalism-giveaway-bookbag.html

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  2. I try to keep good attitude,
    but the future's getting murky;
    still, I feel great gratitude
    that I am not a turkey
    pursued by men with sharpened knives,
    determined that they have my all,
    like comrades who've laid down their lives,
    placed on the shelf by Butterball.
    No, I think were I this bird
    I'd make the last hunt worth my while
    and think that the preferred
    way to go is ninja-style
    as fam'lies sit to their repast,
    that gobble-gobble becomes their last.

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    1. Forever the Ninja!

      Here's trusting that you and Barb and all the 4-footed creatures enjoy the gobble-gobble, friend ...

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  3. More than once the past few months I've thought, maybe all this is telling us change is needed. It will be different for everyone but don't we usually need a nudge to provoke change? I don't know what things will look like either. Today, that's okay. Thanks for helping us all through these uncertain times with understanding and empathy.

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    1. Too many of us view any kind of change as threatening or ominous, Debby. I appreciate the way that you're re-imagining this for us today. Opportunity, new vistas, fresh invitations. Yes, please!

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  4. Our holiday plans this year are no plans at all. Yes, it breaks my heart, but it seems this year knows no end to that sort of thing. Once we've taken the vaccine, Danny and I will visit with family again. Thanksgiving meals don't have to be shared on the day, but any time! Praying for that to happen sooner than later.
    Blessings, Linda!

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    1. Yes, let's hear it for celebrating any time, Martha! As long as I know that my family is all well and that sooner or later I'll see them, I'm usually good to go.

      Ah ... the vaccine. I'm apprehensive, but know it's probably the best thing to do.

      ;-{

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  5. It's been a bad year all round. But we live in hope and trust in the Lord. It's the only way. Otherwise ... nothing.

    God bless.

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    1. Amen, Victor. Your wise words brought this passage to mind --> 'And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and this hope does not disappoint us, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit.'
      -Romans 5:3-5

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  6. We are still undecided about Thanksgiving. It may be just my mum and I...or we could have a household full of people. No one is confirmed yet because we’re all waiting to see what happens with the rising case numbers. Mum and I have decided to cook a turkey and all the fixings...if you build it they will come style.

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    1. I love 'if you build it they will come!'

      And if not? You'll won't have to cook for a week and you'll be able to make a big ol' pot of soup! Please be sure to let me know what happens. I'm cheering you on ...

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  7. Yes, rising case numbers here in New England may put the kibosh on my well-laid plans to gather, so my hands are open.

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    1. Yeah, kibosh seems to be the name of the game these days, Michele. Open hands allow for an easier release with less frustration, angst, and disappointment ...

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  8. Thanksgiving will look a lot different for many families this year, including ours. Typically, we either get together with extended family at an appealing destination (last year it was sunny Arizona) or host our kids and their families hare in PA. We will probably have a very low-key day with our youngest son. Rising case numbers are pretty scary! I hope you have a good holiday, Linda.

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    1. Sunny Arizona sounds like bliss right about now, Laurie! How disappointing. But knowing you, you'll be doing something positive and pro-active like running.

      I'm cheering you on!

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  9. That time you shook it up and had s'mores on Thanksgiving became a memorable and cherished time. I think it shows that when we shake things up is when we make the best memories! I think I'd like to shake things up this holiday season for shaking belly laughter in a year that has felt very shaky.

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    1. Yeah, you're so right, Lynn. Shaky is one of the few words I haven't yet heard to describe what we're living true, but it's spot on and sadly, quite accurate.

      Here's to shaking things up in a positive, energetic way. I hope you'll keep us posted as to what that ends up looking like for you, friend!

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  10. You've givem me food for thought, Linda. What can I do to shake things up? Start a new tradition? Maybe we can look back and say "2020 is when we started doing ____________________"

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    1. I love this, Jerralea!

      2020 is when we starting something ________________ .

      I feel a post coming on!

      ;-}

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  11. Hi Linda! I'm working my way backwards in commenting on your posts. Well I expect our Thanksgiving will be quiet. Our young friend who has spent Thanksgiving with us every year since 2016 has a new guy so she will be at his family's house. Our oldest has college assignments to complete and our little elderly friend is fighting cancer. It will be different it will be a blessed time for us anyway.

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    1. So fun that you'd sit down and spend some time here on a Friday afternoon, Regina. And you're right, a quiet time can be a blessed time.

      For sure ...

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  12. Thanks for easing my anxiety about not knowing about Thanksgiving. I know my in-laws won't travel here but I think our family bubble will get together.
    We all talked this weekend and said we would make our details sometimes this week. strange year isn't it?

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    1. It IS strange, Jean. For sure. I feel like we're living in the last days ...

      Come, Lord Jesus, come.

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  13. We don't have Thanksgiving here, but already the same questions are being raised about Christmas and there's so much uncertainty over where we will be allowed to travel and how many will be allowed to gather. I agree that it's where our hearts are focused that matters and remembering the point of the celebrations even if we can't mark them in the usual way.

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    1. I'm guessing Christmas plans are being hashed out again and again all over the world. I'm not exactly sure of the right thing to do. Praise God that we can ask for wisdom and He'll be generous in supplying that discernment we're all yearning for.

      Thanks for spending a bit of Sunday with me today, friend ...

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  14. Well THIS is my Thanksgiving cause I have to alternate with in-laws. Son, daughter in law and former spouse are coming over!!! Have not had anyone with me for the last 2 Thanksgivings except dogs so missing out is not new for me. I am thankful my daughter in law is so available this holiday season so it means more help for me and basking in her delightful company. Kory won’t be coming home but I can wait until Christmas.

    I hear others say they are having nice calm get togethers this year with small numbers and they are thrilled to miss out on chaotic crowds of people and family drama. I have learned to tweak my expectations of many things and that truly helps me enjoy the moment. I can be thankful and eat Turkey without a house full of people.

    My heart aches though for the distance and scarcity of your time with your mom. That truly is so unnatural. Praying God will ease the ache for you all and moments together will be so special.

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    1. Hi Carol! I am so glad that you guys will all be together. I just KNOW it's going to be a wonderful day together. I love what God has done in your family!

      Yes, hardly seeing, not hugging or kissing mom is unnatural and leaves me feeling kind of empty. I greatly feel her absence in my life after so many years. But the Lord has given me great peace in knowing that she is being well cared for and is fairly content. I am so very grateful ...

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  15. Linda, thank you for sharing this refreshing perspective. (Though I'm not gonna lie ... I had to swallow back a lump in my throat a time or two.) I have a turkey breast in the freezer and that's about it. Not sure who's going to eat it or even when. Holiday traditions with extended family all got dumped on their head last year, so aside from decorating the house for Christmas when Lilly comes home for college, I've got nothing planned and not a whole lot of expectations. And I'm OK with all of that. There are blessings to be found in all this, and I thank God for eyes to see a few. Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving to you, my friend.

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    1. Maybe this can be seen as God's invitation to release our tired yet comforting traditions to allow Him to do more than we can ask or imagine?

      Hmmm ...

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  16. Hoping you have a good Thanksgiving and maybe find a new tradition. We are in the states for Thanksgiving for the first time in over 6 years. Looking forward to time with family but will miss our multi national gatherings we had overseas.

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    1. Welcome home, TJ! I bet you have fascinating stories to tell about those multi-national gatherings ...

      Are you in the US for good or will you be returning back?

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  17. Your words are always what I need to hear, Linda. One side of my family won't do Thanksgiving together at all this year, but for Jeff's side of the family we are planning on an outdoor dinner around a bonfire. Everything is so extra complicated. Sigh. But I know it will be worth it, once we are in the moment. I am trying to make peace with all the unknowns.

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    1. The bonfire will be a big hit, I can promise you! I hope all your loved ones will be able to join you. And you're right, Lisa. Life is 'so extra complicated' in this era.

      I'm on the hunt to figure out how to simplify what I CAN control. It's not an easy task.

      Anyway, I wish you all a grand adventure around the flames. You won't forget it. Promise!

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  18. Beautiful post, Linda. It hurts to let go of traditions, but usually there are many blessings hidden when we embrace where we are.

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    1. Maybe that's the key to thriving, Debbie ... to 'embrace where we are.'

      Makes me wonder how much we've missed this year because we were too taken back by all that was going off the rails.

      Anyway, I'm glad you're here this morning and took the time to chat a bit. Appreciate it!

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  19. Linda, thank you for your awesome advice and insight. Yes this year will be different, and it's OK!!! I think e do need to be sensitive to what we've been through and focus on what's really important, filling our hearts with gratitude.

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    1. Hi Donna! Welcome! I so appreciate your words on sensitivity to what we've been through as everyone processes events differently and in varied time tables. It's such an opportunity for grace and kindness, isn't it ...

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  20. One year my husband and I would have retained our empty-nester status on Christmas Day, unless we changed up our tradition of everyone gathering at our house. So we made a reservation at a B & B about four hours north, not far from where one of our sons lived. He was able to stay at the B & B also for a night or two before needing to return to work. It was a very different Christmas, but also quite restful. There's a lot to be said for that too!

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    1. Oh a B & B! That sounds divine right about now!

      Maybe come spring we can venture out again and travel a bit? I'd love that.

      And thanks for making me smile this evening ...

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