The requisite office party, the neighborhood potluck, the group gift exchange, the family dinner, the annual reunion ... or yes, maybe even the church fellowship.
You've been there, done that ... the atmosphere is usually noisy and chaotic, there's often someone with an ax to grind or a severe attitude problem, family members easily revert back to obnoxious childhood roles, alcohol loosens inhibitions, or you've got nothing in common with a single soul in the room.
Your introverted self recoils at the thought. Yet despite past experience, you end up deciding you need to make an appearance and you RSVP a reluctant 'yes.'
'For those of you walking into stressful scenarios, take your expectations down to the ground, then anything above that is a bonus! Let it be what it is. YOU can add kind words, generous responses, positive intent, and good jokes into the mix. You can up the ante on joy. You can shrug things off instead of going up in flames. You can compliment instead of criticize. You can walk outside and take a deep breath ... you can be the best thing happening in the room.'
Jen Hatmaker
Or, as the Apostle Paul said so well, 'if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone'
{Romans 12:22 NLT}.
{Romans 12:22 NLT}.
How do you handle occasions where you'd really rather stay home?
And when is that the absolutely right thing to do?
And where is God in all this?
And when is that the absolutely right thing to do?
And where is God in all this?
Do tell ...
What an awesome and timely post, Linda. I have just the opposite problem throughout the holidays. I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS), which means I'm sensitive to perfumes, aftershave, air fresheners, clothes that smell of scented detergent or dryer sheets, and the list goes on and on . . . There is one home I can visit in, that of my son and family, because they keep it clean of scents for me. I do manage to get together for a few hours each Thanksgiving and Christmas at my DIL's mom's home, and she is kind enough to remove the plug-ins and other scented stuff on that day to accommodate me. I always sit near my son, or someone I know who doesn't wear scented personal products and make it through fairly well. Since I gather so rarely with others, some of the annoying things you mentioned in the post truly stick out to me big time, but I simply ignore it and am grateful to be with other human beings.
ReplyDeleteBetty Jo, hi! Yes, what you live with day in and day out certainly sounds challenging, especially in this culture where chemicals are everywhere and homes are often shut up tight.
DeleteAs I read your story, I sense a graciousness, a kindness, and a sensitivity to others. I'm so grateful you're here ...
Thanks, Linda. You have such a gracious spirit, my new friend. MCS is challenging (it’s considered an invisible wheelchair), and in the beginning, I was rather militant about it. But, I soon realized I could spend my life, as limited as it is at times, trying to educate others about the danger of so many chemicals. Which I do when directly asked. I could join in with throngs of angry voices to fight big chemical companies — not my cup of tea. Or, I could continue with my life trusting Jesus to either heal me or guide me through. I chose the latter. And so has Jesus, thus far. :)
DeleteLiving out faith and trust in Christ far surpass militancy, any day of the week.
DeleteAmen.
When I am at parties I always compliment women on their shoes. That's because I am lying on the ground after too much drinking.
ReplyDeleteI once asked the host at a party whether lemons have feathers. She frowned and said, "NO". I replied, "In that case I must have squeezed your canary in my drink!"
Keep smiling. It's Christmas and a good reason to be cheerful. We celebrate and remember the arrival of our Saviour.
God bless.
Oh yikes, Victor ... aren't you a fun addition to a holiday party!
DeleteToo bad you live far across the sea, pal ...
;-}
With God's help, we can get through anything, although I do my darndest to avoid anything other than family gatherings. Those can be difficult enough - lol!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Linda!
One of the verses that was running through my my mind when I wrote was that wonderful Philippians 4:13 verse, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
DeleteA few events come to mind and I KNOW He got me through!! Kind of sad to say that the ones I'm thinking of were church related ...
* sigh *
Thankfully my memory fades with time.
;-}
I actually love our family gatherings, but I am averse to my husband's work parties. :) When I do go, I have to remind myself to "just show up" and see what happens from there.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I love my family gatherings, too. Chaotic but joyful.
DeleteGoing with my husband to an event where I don't know a soul? Far more difficult! Yet, I always end up finding someone interesting to chat with.
Go figure ...
;-}
We were invited to a Christmas gathering of a dear friend. She included people from various connections she has, and while it would be a perfectly lovely party I told her we do not have the emotional energy this year to interact with people we don’t know well. She understands why and of course was gracious. Not much like me in the past. Our family time is always sweet w our kids. I have done one party w friends from a support group. We know each other well. That is enough for me this year. We also did not go to our churches Gala Event. We are much more subdued this season we are in. I have grown a lot to be finding my “no” as well as my “yes.”
ReplyDeleteCarol, hi. I love when we are strong and free enough to articulate when we don't have the emotional energy to do something. It's empowering even when we're feeling less than our best. And if we are fortunate, over time, the people in our world will grow to understand us better and respect our 'no's.'
DeleteI absolutely hear what you're saying about this being a 'subdued' season. I am in one as well. And that's ok, isn't it.
I send you my best this evening, friend, and hope you are finding God very much present in this difficult time ....
As a pastor's family, we are often invited to parties but since most of them are on Saturday night I can beg off. I don't go out on Saturday night unless I absolutely have to. Being a social person, I like get togethers. My wife on the other hand...
ReplyDeleteI hear ya' Jo!!!
Delete;-}
Opposites attract don't they. More than ever, my husband loves interacting with groups of people. I, on the other hand, am embracing my introvertedness with peace and joy.
I love my family gatherings NOW not so much in the past. When living with an alcohol abuser, most social events were a nightmare for me. I actually declined a wedding invitation cause I did not know how I would deal one more time with sitting alone, tired, annoyed and ready to leave while the drinker saw no end to the “fun.” How much my life has changed and how much God can intervene. (Phew having heart palpitations just remembering).
ReplyDeleteI went to Easter dinner once where I only knew the host but every person there was so engaging, interesting and I left feeling like a part of the crowd. One and only time.
I do love gatherings but it is draining with people you don’t know or care about. I have practically no dreaded invites or obligations anymore. Sweet!!!
Carol, you have such a powerful redemption story. It has impacted all who are blessed to have done a bit of life with you. I love what God has done in healing your heart, your family ... and how He hasn't wasted a hurt as you continue to impact others with His beautiful healing touch.
DeleteMiss you dearly ...
Sorry to be late...
ReplyDeleteInviting me is not too smart,
for I have no Christmas chatter,
and cannot take useful part,
but it really doesn't matter.
I cannot offer food for thought,
nor am I remotely able
(though I wish it) to have brought
contributions to the dinner table.
So, dear friend, do not persist
in your invitations to the ball;
strike my name, please, from the list
and a better time is had by all.
Wish I could be there, side by each,
but cancer's put this out of reach.
I'm guessing you're not alone in having no chatter or food for thought to offer these days, friend.
DeleteYour name won't get striken from this list. You are very much welcome just as you are.
Sending my best to you, Barb, and all the menagerie today.
Praying for peace in your heart.
Linda, thankfully I am quite social and love a good party, dinner, etc. My husband says I can talk to anyone and after ten minutes I know their life story! Wishing you a most joyous Christmas season!
ReplyDeletePam! Yep, I can tell by your lovely blog that you're a woman of hospitality, warmth, and grace! What a gift you've been given that you're able to connect with anyone, anywhere.
DeleteYou wear it well ...
Hello Linda. I think of you often so wanted to stop in to wish you a Merry Christmas. And what a timely post to stop by for. The Christmas gatherings are always so very hard for me. I need to jot down that quote from Jen H. and keep it with me these next couple weeks.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing well. 2019 has been a hard year for me but I remain on this journey of healing and I am forever grateful for a God who never leaves me to do this journey alone.
Merry Christmas to you.
Much love,
Beth (simplybeth)
Dear Beth! What a lovely surprise to see you here! God often brings you to mind {this week} and I lift you back up to Him.
DeleteI hope you found a bit of comfort and joy as you visited. And that you'll return again soon.
Yes, you are missed, friend ...
Advent blessings to you and your beautiful family.