Linda Stoll: Porch #50 * Grief & Renewal

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Hello again!

Last time I looked it was April. Fast forward three months and here we are.

The family have all headed home and the house is as still as a tomb. The laundry is put away, the floors vacuumed, the fridge emptied. We're just beginning to wonder who we are now that Mom is no longer with us and we're not quite sure where to begin. We're slowly adjusting to not living on high alert status after so many months. We're catching our breath and experiencing the unmooring of deep loss, even while heaving deep sighs of relief.

Grief is a surreal, out-of-body experience. Upending. Wrenching. Emptying. Freeing. Exhausting. There's no 1-2-3 formula and no easy route forward and no quick ending in sight.

Sometimes it helps to talk but not necessarily. A morning walk and an afternoon nap are becoming lifelines. A bout of heavy-duty weeping cleanses the soul. Listening to the Psalms prompts me to praise.

Sharing quietness with someone who 'gets it' is like a cup of cool water in the desert. Beginning to make a few tentative plans seems helpful yet strangely daunting. Blogging lends a familiar rhythm that's comforting and productive. And slowly re-focusing on ministry gives renewed purpose.

It is what it is. God knows. That He hasn't changed like shifting shadows, that He knows the end from the beginning is such a huge comfort I can't even begin to grasp or explain it. I feel His peaceful presence with every breath, every task, every thought, every teardrop. All I know is that our times are in His hands and that all will be well.

And truly, that is enough.

🐟

Just because you live near the ocean doesn't mean you camp out there every day. We get caught up in routines like everyone else - appointments, food shopping, hauling garbage to the dump, volunteering, family logistics, figuring out what's for supper, throwing another load of laundry into the dryer, paying bills, weeding the garden.

Let's hear it for tossing routine to the wind when family's here and going with the flow. Nothing beats an unexpected evening by the sea with those you love. When all was said and done, my twelve year old blonde-haired blue-eyed basketball star begged me to put some family shots on the blog.

So here you go, Brookie 💜!

I hope this month will find you playing tourist wherever you call home.

🐟

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