Sunday, February 7, 2016

In Which We Talk About Drama Queens

You know who those Drama Mamas are.  The ones where everything is a great big deal.  All of life is a major production - and they are the stars.  Laden with layers of pain, constantly stressed to the max and searching for love and affirmation, every occurrence, every life event, every piece of news provides yet another stage for them to overreact.

The end of the world is usually at hand.

Every star has her own go-to melodramatic bag of tricks.  Some love the off-the-charts responses.  Their gig is defined by loud, incessant moaning and groaning, the woe-is-me pity parties, the endless litanies of past hurts and injustices, occasional throwing of objects to make their point, and grand exits as they flounce out of the room, doors slamming behind them.




Others are more subtle.  The weight of the universe is on them, and they want you to know it.  Endless deep sighs and rolling of the eyes, impromptu weeping, the silent treatment, and sudden physical symptoms that erupt out of nowhere are all designed to capture sympathetic attention and manipulate those who hold court around them.

Somewhere along the way and often unconsciously, the drama queen realized that commotion, confusion, and frenzy were her friends, handing her the attention that she was not able to get in more legitimate ways.  For even negative attention was better than no attention at all.

Raising the roof worked for her and she stuck with it.

And then there were the helpless onlookers who allowed the productions to continue unabated.  Scared, confused, or clueless as how to respond, they made excuses or covered up or prevented natural consequences from kicking in.  And in doing so, enabled the wounded soul's grand performances to continue unhindered.

Truth be told, the every-minute-is-a-trauma lifestyle gets old after awhile.  What was cute or entertaining as a child has long past run its course.  Even the leading lady gets tired and longs for the show to be cancelled.  The audience gets restless and bored and heads off to find a quieter venue or less exhausting entertainment.




The whole drama queen saga is usually not simply a hormonal or an emotional problem that might need a clinical diagnosis and professional attention.  There is often a spiritual malady present, as well.  For some reason, the Holy Spirit hasn't been invited to take ownership of her burdened, wounded soul.  Sadly, there is little or no 'love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control' residing in her bruised and desperate heart {Galatians 5}.

And it shows.

Jesus patiently, graciously beckons.  He whispers, 'Peace be still' to His beloved {Mark 4:39}.  He longs for His weary and broken daughters to learn from His gentle and humble heart, and to find rest, healing, and release from their oh-so-heavy burdens {Matthew 11:28-30}.

For only He has the ultimate power to lavish upon them a healing touch.  A supernatural sanity.  An abiding peace.




*

visiting with
Anita  .  Kelly  .  Holley  .  Lyli  .  Christine

62 comments:

  1. Drama queens. You know you're in their presence. You know their over-reacting. You know. You just know. You wrote this piece with grace and less trauma - you could written it with anger, a little frustration and even a "I don't care." But you didn't . In the end we felt sorry for the queen who needs love and attentions. We want to make it stop for them too. Thank you. Well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for kicking off this conversation, Chris. It's an important one because these wounded sisters are very much a part of our lives. I credit my counseling clients for teaching me what grace looks like, no matter what their pain or trauma has been.

      There's nothing sweeter and more satisfying than that grace ...

      Delete
  2. So Timely! Notes from my personal study this past week:

    John 20:19 On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

    Jesus could just have easily said "Peace IS with you" since He was in the room. When we are in Jesus, His peace is always there. We need only to let His peace rule in our hearts. Ephesians 3:15.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had a few drama queens in my life and have learned--am learning--to offer prayer and listening (as I am able) without getting on the roller coaster myself. I want to stay on the ground, without getting overly upset by the drama!

      Delete
    2. Thanks for bringing Scripture to the table, Debby. If we try to drum up peace on our own it is, at best, short-lived and shallow. We're all wanting more of His peace, aren't we.

      We often don't realize that's what we're yearning for ...

      Delete
    3. Betsy ... yes and AMEN to listening, the non-judgmental, fully-present-with-you kind. Could that be one of the missing links for these sisters' healing?

      Delete
  3. Hi Linda! There just isn't anything as boring and time consuming as a drama queen, am I right? I have a very short attention span for those types of people. I think you are right that there is something missing, and it might be spiritual.
    Many have claim to a spiritual life, but don't really connect to it. And I fault myself in that category too. We can all be drama people from time to time. But it's those constant, emotional, poor-me people who just grind me down. Maybe I should start responding with that Scripture. Peace be with you. And all of us!
    Monday blessings,
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I hear you, Ceil. You can feel your eyes glaze over, you can feel yourself unwillingly drawn into the endless saga. We want to cut and run because we're so drained by the end of the one way conversation.

      I love your benediction at the end, friend. Peace be with you. And all of us, especially those of us who so easily can lapse into being drama mamas ...

      Delete
  4. I confess to having been terribly impatient with Drama Queens - and I have and do know several - but on getting far more ill than I thought possible, I had to reassess.

    First, there's more than enough pain to go around in the world, and I completely agree that DQ (and DK) behaviour is symptom, not disease. The cause is deeper, and in may cases the truth, in terms of childhood, paradigm-changing abuse, may be hard to hear. Something I have seen, and abuse is something I've experienced, and lived to tell. The hurt can be more than a rational mind can bear, and time heals no wounds. Not these.

    Second, "there, but for the grace of God, go I". There are those whose company we might dread...but we may have the same effect on others, in our own ways. If not now, we may find that age will make us garrulous or needy...or forgetful and silly. We may impose our own dramas on others tomorrow that would horrify the us-of-today.

    I've wanted to leave a few DQs and DKs in their shadowlands, and walk away into the sunlight of sanity.

    But we are forsworn, as Christians, to leave no wounded behind.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/02/your-dying-spouse-116-evangelizing-dying.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Profound, Andrew.

      Yes, most of our wounds stem from childhood and our hearts yearn for healing and freedom, even if we don't know it.

      And yes, again. There but for the grace of God go I. I've had enough moments over 6 decades to realize that without His hand, I could more than easily go down that self-absorbed, needy path, making everyone around me crazy.

      We're wise to realize that we're only a step or two away from very wrong decisions and choices.

      Grace, grace.

      Delete
  5. A "supernatural sanity." That's what I want! :) A beautiful post, Linda, about how we often disregard things as "just my personality," when in reality, there may be a spiritual need underneath it. Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. Me, too! Some days it seems a bit elusive, yes? Especially when we keep on making excuses for ourselves!

      ;-{

      Hope you're feeling stronger this week, friend ...

      Delete
  6. Thank you, Linda. I second what Andrew says. He wrote how I feel, so I guess I don't have anything to add. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm happy you said 'hi' anyway, Trudy!

      ;-}

      Delete
  7. I pray anyone reading this, who might be convicted by your words, will also sense the grace you've extended, and be drawn to the One Who can bring them peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, June, yes. Without continued grace, none of us could stand ...

      Delete
  8. Medication and treatment can do a lot but only God gives the peace that is beyond understanding. Thanks for the reminder that there are spiritual malady's as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen, Debby.

      I've found with my clients that the proper medication recommended by their doctors can bring brain chemistry or hormonal imbalances back to where they need to be ... and this allows her to do really excellent work in counseling, including spiritual growth as well as work on proper responses to her very valid emotions.

      Delete
  9. I must admit, many years and miles ago, I was this exact girl-the dreaded drama queen. You are so right about this, Linda: "There is often a spiritual malady present, as well." Far above my clinical issues was the fact I wouldn't even consider letting the Holy Spirit in to do His great work. I'm so thankful to no longer be that woman today. Great insights here, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Praise God for His healing touch on your life, Candace ... and your willingness to be vulnerable and honest in sharing your story. You probably won't know til heaven how many women you've greatly impacted.

      I'm grateful to have you here ...

      Delete
  10. Drama queens. at this stage in my life, they make me tired. but honestly, i'm sure i have been one at other times in my life! that's when i am thankful for the grace of GOD and realize He has brought about some growth in my life...it definitely didn't come naturally!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I share your story, Martha. We've come a long way, baby ...

      Praise God!

      Delete
  11. I know some drama queens and admit that I have taken on some of these tendencies at certain times of my life. But we learn that life is not a play in which the more dramatic we are the better the ending. Instead as a believer I have come to learn that it is only in Christ that I will achieve the big ending and getting my "panties in a wad" is not the worth the headache when peace can be my mantra instead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love how you put it, Mary ... 'life is not a play.' And we are not the stars! Sometimes it takes hitting bottom once or twice to finally discover the reality that only in Christ do we really get to be deeply loved and valued.

      Thanks for visiting tonight ... rest well, friend.

      Delete
  12. I must admit that I do like those shoes (and have worn the 'drama' queen pair from time to time, especially when not getting my own way). Yes, so important to ask the Holy Spirit in. Lately my prayer is to 'open the eyes of my heart, Lord so I can see You.' And be shown the truth of what is really going on (insecurity) and get right with my identity in Him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that prayer, Lynn ... and the truth that our insecurities are a major player in our drama queen roles.

      As we pursue finding our security and identity in Him, the need to perform for the accolades begins to fade from view ...

      Thankfully.

      Delete
  13. Such hard truth, expressed so gently. I think of others I know who fit this description. I think of times when I have demonstrated a few of these tendencies myself. Then I think of our loving heavenly Father who doesn't write His daughters off as hopeless drama queen cases, but lovingly does what is necessary to bring awareness, healing and peace. Thank you for these thought-provoking words, Linda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you, Lois ... so grateful that His mercies are new every morning, that He patiently draws us back to Himself over and over again. His love has no limits, His grace has no measure ...

      Delete
  14. Linda,
    Oh, yes, only by the Spirit can we grow up as we cooperate with the Spirit...blessings to you, dear one :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like how you put that, Dolly ... growing up as we cooperate with the Spirit. Talk about maturity ...

      Delete
  15. Linda,
    Even though I have my own brand of drama :), the drama queens in my life test my patience and my kindness . . . and somehow I think that's what they're supposed to do! As I work through my own limitations in relating to them, God shows me how to give grace (not always successfully!) and lovingly points out the areas in my own life that need some work and attention! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, yes.

      In the trying of our patience and kindness, God comes quietly along, speaking what is true about our own hearts.

      It was just easier to look at others than to peer deep down inside.

      Appreciate the truth you've spoken today, friend ...

      Delete
  16. Those white pumps are making their way around in the blogosphere! DQ's as I refer to them. Been one. Gave birth to one. Grandmother of one DK. Lesson learned. Moving on!!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, Susan ... this can be genetic. Modeled. Whatever we want to call it. Here's to supernatural strength and grace for every woman to break those chains!

      Delete
  17. I caught myself smiling as I read your words. My daughter is your typical drama queen and I've been having conversation after conversation with her about the need to cut out the dramatics. She loves it, and lives for it! Fortunately for her, she is (almost) only 15, and has time to curve her dramatic penchant before it lands her in trouble. I just don't want it to become her habit. So glad you wrote on Drama Queens, you've given me even more encouragement in dealing with mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes, the teen-aged years ... much grace, patience, and a sense of humor to you, Alecia, as you parent!

      You will survive. I promise! Been there, done that. Sigh ...

      ;-}

      Delete
  18. I could write a book---I head for the hills when I see one coming---A'INT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
    Great Post!

    Blessings, Friend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome back, friend! It's good to hear you again!

      And how 'bout that book?

      ;-}

      Delete
  19. " ... occasional throwing of objects to make their point, ..."

    Yes, I knew someone like that. She always threw things at her husband in an argument; cups, saucers, plates, anything that came to hand. Eventually after 10 years he told me he was going to divorce her. I asked him what took him so long to deciode on divorce. He replied: "Her aim is getting better!"

    As for silent treatment. I once gave my mother-in-law the silent treatment for three hours. I did not want to interrupt while she was talking.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sons-in-law would love your last paragraph, Victor! Nobody says it better!

      ;-}

      Delete
  20. Gosh how hard it is to approach them with the Word though-- they detest going "off-script"... I work with one and it gets intimidating and feels a little hopeless at times but thanks for a reminder that what they need more than an attentive court is a chance to fall in love with a new role as daughter of the King...♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you said this -->they detest going "off-script" ... too true, friend. At least the script is familiar and well rehearsed. What would it look like to get healthy? That can be a scary proposition ...

      Delete
  21. Now I really don't think it's very nice of you to write a post about me, Linda! ha! Well, though I may not always be a drama queen, I've allowed myself to be one on one too many occasions. I love the way you've peeled back the layers of this sad act for us. It's inspired me to live my life for an audience of One. Thanks so much, girlfriend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen to living our lives for an audience of One. It just doesn't get any better than that. And it sure takes the pressure off those around us to have to cater to our endless neediness ...

      Delete
  22. Always grace extended through your words. I smile as my oldest son has taught me to extend grace to the drama queen types because he can tend to be one. Shhh. Don't tell him I said that. :) I love him dearly, drama queen qualities and all. He get's it from his dad. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was wondering when someone was going to mention the male drama king, Beth ... I've seen a few in my day, and they are sight to behold.

      No matter our gender, those inner yearnings for love and acceptance are the same ... they may play out in different ways, but our souls together cry out for Christ to come in and love us well.

      Delete
  23. We have one in our life who is very destructive and mean. Being calm and keeping our focus is the only way we have found in which to deal with her. Even with that it is difficult. She is so hurtful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so hard to live walking on eggshells, isn't it ... and setting up healthy boundaries is one thing, but living those out is a whole other story.

      I hear you, friend ...

      Delete
  24. Oh, my goodness! You've described several people I know (I love the term Drama Mama ;) ). Thank you for the reminder that they are wounded souls in need of the Holy Spirt and not just annoying people I need to avoid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, Anita ... oh the hope we could offer if we could always see others through the eyes of Jesus.

      This is hard stuff, isn't it ...

      Delete
  25. Love your wise words here, friend. My post last Thursday about "True Blue Friends" was inspired by a conversation wtih my bestest friend about a drama queen. My exact response to her long text of lamentation regarding this friendship waas as follows: Let's pray for her to get off the crazy train.

    It's painful to see someone you love to continue choosing destructive patterns of responding and thinking... I stand with you firmly on suggesting that medical help is often needed, and in the meantime, we pray, pray, pray for God to tear down strongholds.

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The crazy train. Yeah, that would be it, Lyli. For her ... and for those who gather too closely by and get swept up in the whirl of it all.

      And yes and amen to a combination of physical, emotional, and spiritual triage. All are usually desperately needed.

      Thanks for your insight, friend ...

      Delete
  26. Linda, your description of a drama queen is so spot on and perfect as is your point of what has not been present in her life. Great to be catching up with you after celebrating our middle granddaughter's birthday last weekend into the beginning of this week. Have a blessed weekend, my friend! (Love the photos with this post!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you're here, Pam. So great to hear about your family celebration ... granddaughters are the best, aren't they?

      ;-}

      Delete
  27. Wonderful reminder, Linda, that IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!
    Trusting for grace to let the "opportunities" for drama slide by and to respond in grace by the power of the Spirit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grace, grace. You've penned that well, Michele. That's what we need ... and what He promises to give.

      Thanks for dropping by this morning! So good to see ya again!

      Delete
  28. Great description of drama queens - and those who enable them. Lord, help me not to be either one!

    Thanks for sharing at the Loft today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love how you put that prayer, Jerralea ... help me not to be either one.

      I'm saying amen with ya'!

      Delete
  29. I feel certain that we have all been drama queens at one point or another. Even Jesus ran into them....but they were drama kings....the Pharisees. He wasted no kind words for them. I pray that I can be loving when I run into one and show grace. Thanks for linking up at The Loft, Linda.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh yeah ... the Pharisees. Then, now. Male, female.

    God protect me from being one.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh yes. I know drama queens all too well. This week alone I have had to deal with one from church and one from my family. Too much. THanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you! How draining and disappointing! Praying for you right now, that you'll have grace, patience ... and a sense of humor along the way.

      Thanks for coming by!

      Delete

'I want the people in my life to know that when they come to me, with whatever is on their mind or heart, they will be heard. I am dedicated to hearing the hearts of those around me.'
~ Adam McHugh, The Listening Life

Linda